


This is what I live for

by Whendoestheshipsail



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alpha Bucky Barnes, Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barbed Penis, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Cock Rings, Cock Slut, Cock Warming, Daddy Kink, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Gaslighting, Happy Ending, Knotting, M/M, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Steve Rogers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags to be added, and that's all i care about, child grooming, forced transformation, i can't believe i have to put this next tag, it is an abo world with younger relationships but still heed the warnings yo!, it seems impossible but here we are, pre-serum steve sucks cock like a champ, steve starts sucking cock at 12, stucky is my OTP, the first 10k is really awful smut, this is the most fucked up story i've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-04-21 16:53:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 55,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22095337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whendoestheshipsail/pseuds/Whendoestheshipsail
Summary: Steve will do anything to support himself and his ma. And boy does he. He just has to be careful not to have anal sex before he's fifteen, as the last thing he wants is to turn into an omega. Shamed, degraded and rare, male omegas don't have it easy. Steve winds up having it worse. Insatiable, he's lucky to have a run in with Dr. Erskine, a kind man who's willing to give Steve a chance to reinvent himself. To become more than a constantly horny and unfulfilled omega.When Steve wakes up in 2011, he meets Bucky Barnes, an alpha who works at SHIELD and is supposed to help him deal with integrating into the world. Steve's been happy enough without sex since the serum. He misses how good it felt, but it's all kind of distant. Until he meets Bucky and everything changes. For the first time since the serum, Steve realizes just how much he's lost.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 310
Kudos: 466





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Halsey's Hold Me Down.

Steve Rogers had always been precocious. He was small enough and sneaky enough to be in places he wasn’t supposed to. He’d eavesdrop and see things he shouldn’t. He saw women get down on their knees for men and get paid for it. He saw men do the same thing. And there was one time where he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and he got offered money to go down on his knees and give a man’s cock a kiss. Just a few kisses and touches and he’d get money.

The most important thing in Steve’s life, the one thing he and his ma needed more of was money. Money bought everything. Warmth, safety, food, medicine. His whole world revolved around the potential acquisition of money. He was so scrawny, young, and ill educated that he couldn’t earn any money on his own. But he could get a nickel from this man if he touched his cock a little.

Steve knew all about his own cock. Now there was free entertainment. He touched his all the time. So, he understood that this man had a _hard_ cock and lots of money and the best thing to do was to pay someone to touch it for you. The rich always wanted help with everything. Never wanted to do anything themselves.

Steve could do that. And, it was fine. The man came on his face which he gave Steve a fine handkerchief for and which Steve used to wipe up _and_ got to keep. And he was given a dime. Not even a nickel but a dime. He made up a lie to his ma about how he got scraps from the butcher and the pride he felt at being the one to give them a good stew for dinner was life-changing.

And then his ma needed medicine. His ma was so sick the doctor would have to come to them. Doctors didn’t want to do that for poor people. But, Steve knew of a doctor who liked men to suck his cock and that’s the one Steve went to for help. He sucked the man’s cock and the doctor took care of his ma and when she got better Steve knew _he’d_ done that. He’d made that happen.

It only made sense to keep the doctor on their side. Once a week, Steve made sure to go by the doctor’s office around lunchtime and say hello. He always wound up on his knees, moaning and swallowing, occasionally choking on the doctor’s stubby cock while he petted Steve absently.

His office had a fire. It was so warm in winter. His little examination room was quite cozy because he wasn’t an inexpensive doctor and he certainly didn’t see Steve’s class of people. But, he made an exception for Steve. And if Steve or his ma got sick then he’d help them. Because he liked Steve on his knees, moaning around his cock.

The problem was that he wanted to fuck Steve. It started slowly. The doctor would examine Steve, always happy to discuss whatever ailment Steve was recovering from. He’d touch his flat chest and play with his nipples until Steve squirmed. He’s press on his stomach and his throat, make Steve swallow while Steve touched his cock through his clothes.

And then he’d make Steve take his own cock out. He always wanted it hard. And to _stay_ hard. No matter what he wanted Steve to stay hard. This could be difficult. In general, he liked all touch. That got him hard in the first place. He liked sucking cock, too. He liked touching it and smelling it. But the doctor liked to smack Steve’s cock and pinch him all over. Liked to smack Steve and have him get back up. He liked to yank Steve’s pants down and put menthol on his cock and hole and that left Steve a sobbing mess who might not stay hard. Which meant he spent a lot of time sobbing and stroking himself, sobbing and fucking the air or grinding against something in hopes of staying worked up.

The doctor gave him more medicine and more money, said he appreciated that Steve tried. But he also wanted more from Steve. It was just before his fifteenth birthday that the doctor brought up fucking Steve in the ass.

“What do you know about secondary genders Steve? There is a lot of bad information out there.”

Wasn’t that the truth. And he had a pretty spotty school attendance record anyway, between the illnesses and trying to earn money. Why go to school when he could have a cock in his mouth and get money for it? The best days were the ones where his jaw ached from all the cocks, his stomach ached from all the come he’d swallowed, and his cock burned from all the times he’d had to jerk off just to get through the day. And his pockets. Oh, his pockets were filled with jingling change.

“At fifteen, I’ll be an alpha or a beta. Girls usually become betas or omegas if they get fucked too early.”

“That’s right. Very good, Steve. My own daughter is to be married and her intended wants an omega. They’re softer and more biddable. He’s going to break her before her fifteenth birthday. We’re going to have a big party and her mother and I will be there to watch. It can be very beautiful.”

Steve kept his mouth shut. Nobody paid for his opinions. They paid for his mouth to be full and quiet. He nodded.

“What do you want to be, Steven?”

“An alpha.” If he was an alpha he’d grow more and be stronger. If he was an alpha then people would smell it on him. He’d get a bigger cock and produce more come. He’d be able to stay hard a lot longer and easier. He’d get jobs and everyone respected alphas, even feared them a bit more than everyone else. As someone who got the crap beaten out of them regularly and spent his days on his red, chaffed knees, it would be good to be a bit stronger. Sometimes, men tried not to pay him. If he was an alpha, they’d pay.

The doctor made a hm sound. As if he disagreed. Steve trusted the doctor. “What?”

“Well, you know you can make an awful lot more money if you’re willing to bend over and take a cock in your ass?”

“Yes, sir.” He hasn’t done that. Just thinking about it terrifies him.

“Alphas don’t do that and can’t do that. They’re much too aggressive and the submission required triggers their most primal instincts. In general, it’s difficult to even get an alpha open enough for a rectal exam. They usually require quite a bit of morphine to relax sufficiently.”

“I make a lot of money with my mouth. And I like it.”

“Yes, Steven. You’re very good at using your mouth.” Steve blushes, preens a little. He has no gag reflex now. Men can slide in and fuck his face and he doesn’t ever need to stop. They can pull his hair and choke his airways and he gets so fucking hard from it. If they want to see him jerking himself off and loving how they use him, he can. Because, he does. And if he doesn’t like them all that much, well he just thinks about money. And money gets him so fucking hard. “How much do you get for your mouth?”

“A quarter now.” He’s pretty proud of that.

“You could get a dollar for your ass, Steve. Easily.”

He shakes his head. “I like sucking cock. Getting it up the ass seems to hurt.”

“It hurts betas. It doesn’t hurt omegas. Omegas love it. Omegas want nothing more than a cock up the ass and to be pinned down. If you like being on your knees now, goodness, you’d love it if you were an omega. You might not like it so much if you become a beta and it may become impossible if you’re an alpha.”

Wait. He’d never really thought of that. That if he became an alpha he might be unable to force himself to get down on his knees to take the cocks he loved so much. He feels dizzy at the thought. “But… but if I’m a beta then I’ll stay the same?”

“Most likely. Everyone’s personality changes a little after they come into their gender, but that’s around the edges, most often, one’s sexual proclivities remain the same.”

Steve nods. “Is there… is there a way I can make sure I stay a beta or don’t become an alpha?”

“Well, Steve, that brings us right back to anal sex. It is true that the creation of omegas is based heavily upon one’s sexual experiences. Male omegas are exclusively created by prolonged exposure to anal sex. But, it has to be very rough and continuous. Breaking a male is much more difficult. In general, and I suppose I mean almost a hundred percent of the time, if you were to engage in anal sex, on perhaps, a weekly basis, with someone who took care to treat you kindly, you would not become an omega. You’d remain a beta. Any inclinations towards being an alpha, if your hole has been opened and your glands activated when you come into your gender, will eliminate the possibility of you becoming an alpha. As your doctor, I can assure you it’s the only way to keep yourself a beta for certain.”

He doesn’t know. He shakes his head. The doctor has been wanting to fuck him for some time. Trying to get a finger back there and telling Steve how much he could make him like it. He needs someone else to ask. He isn’t sure. The worst thing would be for him to be an omega. Male omegas were shunned. It was shameful. They were sluts. They would leak slick from their assholes and craved alpha cock. They almost always became whores. Could they pretend to be something else? Do something else?

No one in their right mind would choose such a thing. “I have to think about it.”

“Of course. Steve, we are friends of a sort. And I enjoy our time together. I would never want to hurt you. And your caution is very sensible. You’re a very bright young man, in addition to having a talented mouth. I would be very happy to let you talk to my colleague and get a second opinion. You must take your time to think about it,” he said, patting Steve’s shoulder kindly. The doctor started to undo his pants. Steve dropped to his knees. His mouth started to water. He loved cock. He did. He rubbed his stomach absently.

The doctor chuckled. “You are a hungry boy.”

Steve nods, opens his mouth, tongue extended. The doctor makes a chiding noise, bops Steve gently on the nose with his cock. “Say hello first, Steven.” Steve chuckles, the doctor smiles at him.

“I’m sorry, daddy.” He nuzzles into the man’s hairy balls, breathes him in, licks all over, rubs his face everywhere, over and over again until he’s high off it and the doctor’s leaking and leaving snail like trails of come on his cheeks and his face as he rubs over him.

“Good boy. Now you can have your treat.”

Steve moans, nods and sucks him in. He goes right to the root, swallows around the doctor’s cock and gets a heavy thrust into his throat in response. The doctor’s cock spasms warningly. “Naughty boy. You’ll get a double helping if you’re not careful.”

He nods. That’s what he wants. The doctor growls at him. He’s an alpha. It doesn’t come out that often, but when he’s fucking Steve’s face, getting close to coming, he gets more aggressive. You really only know someone when they’re using you. That’s the most valuable lesson Steve has learned.

The doctor is mostly a kind man who’s taken good care of Steve and his ma but even he isn’t always kind. Men have needs and desires. Best to know what they are.

The doctor blocks off Steve’s airways and grinds deep into Steve’s throat. He always tries to get a gag out of Steve. He isn’t big enough to make Steve gag. But, he pretends for the doctor and the doctor comes down his throat with a low groan. He loves to think he’s choked Steve on his alpha cock.

“Too fast, wasn’t it? You used that sweet mouth of yours and got me off too soon. Well, I’m not done with you yet, am I? You need to earn the money, don’t you?”

“Yes, daddy.”

And then he pulls it out. Which, he’s done before. So many times before, but it still makes Steve wild and he winds up coming from it every time. It’s a dollar bill. He holds it up to Steve, lets him sniff it, rubs it on his face and tells him it’s _his_. For a job well done. For being such a good slut and having such a talented mouth. “For being such a very good boy and making daddy proud.”

Now Steve fumbles with his pants, panting, needing to come. “You don’t make a mess on my carpet, do you, Steve?”

He shakes his head no. The doctor steps back from him, puts the dollar on the ground, between Steve’s legs, near his cock but just out of reach. “You want that money, Stevie. Prove it. Show me how much you want it. And maybe you’ll get more.”

He spreads his legs, hard cock straining towards the money. He points his cock towards it, jerks until a drip appears and he shoves his hips forward, painfully straining his inner thighs to wipe it on the crisp bill. “Daddy,” he whimpers, because it’s a little far away.

“You must not want it enough.”

“I do. You know I do.” He wants to weep. His daddy likes that, too.

His daddy urges him a fraction closer, offers Steve his softening cock. Steve sucks it into his mouth happily, is now close enough to the money. He jerks himself off over it, tries to stay focused on the cock in his mouth. His priority. The money isn’t his _yet_. It could still disappear. Be taken away from him. Leave him with nothing. It’s awful enough that he starts to soften.

“Is it going to be mine, daddy?” he asks, tears filling his eyes.

“Of course. Good boys always get paid. And you’re such a good boy. Why are you a good boy?” Steve sucks harder, takes him deeper, lets him see how much he loves the cock in his mouth. “Oh god, your mouth,” he grunts, holding onto Steve’s head and slamming deep. “You’re a good boy because you’re a sweet, needy slut. That’s the heart of you, Steven. That’s what will make people love you and want to be with you. To take care of you. How eager you are to suck them down and give them pleasure. How much you love it.”

Which also makes tears come to his eyes because that’s all he’s ever wanted was to be taken care of. To know that if it’s cold and he’s sick, that someone will protect him. Think he’s worth spending money on. The doctor pets him, is fully hard again. There’s a twinge in Steve’s jaw. He’s getting a little tired at the hinge. It’s been popping lately. Getting sore. Steve has to rub it at night and the first cock of the day isn’t all that comfortable.

“God, Steven. I care for you like you’re my own son. I want to show you, prove it to you,” he gasps, fucking deep into Steve’s throat. He pauses, pulls his cock out, wipes spit and pre-come all over Steve’s face. “Pretty boy. Look. One more thing to see. You’ll like this.” He reaches into his pocket and he pulls out a five dollar bill.

Steve’s cock jerks, drips onto the bill just from the sight of it. The doctor offers it to Steve to kiss and he does. He gets down on his knees and wraps the bill around Steve’s cock.

“I’m gonna come,” Steve gasps. The doctor grabs the base of Steve’s cock cruelly, denying him the orgasm. Steve wails, hips trying to get away from the pain. “_Daddy_, hurts.”

“Then don’t come. Just _look_. Tell daddy when you can be good again and I’ll let go.” Steve whimpers and struggles. His daddy rubs the five dollar bill on his shaft a little more and it hurts so bad. So very, very badly that he’s sick with it.

“Please, stop. Daddy. Daddy.”

His daddy chuckles at him. At his misery. No one is nice all the time. The money gets taken away. His daddy keeps him squeezed tight but stays still. The pain is excruciating. A tear drips on his hand which is gripping his thigh. “I’m okay, daddy.”

“Course you are.” He lets go of Steve’s cock. Steve looks down, not sure what he expects to see. His cock swells a little, come dribbles out of him, making a pool of wet all over the dollar bill. He doesn’t get soft though. His balls feel bruised and there’s an ache deep inside them.

He can barely look at the money without wanting to come. “This is the money you’d get if I fucked your bottom, Steven. Just look at it. Just think about it. Up you go, good boy.” He pulls Steve to his feet. Kisses him on the lips. Which is something he’s never done before because Steve’s mouth is a come hole and it’s filthy and gross. The kiss is soft and makes him feel stupid and weak. The doctor leads him to the exam table. Puts the bill on the table, smoothes it out.

“You’d be bent over, like this,” he says, urging Steve to bend at the hips. “Just a demonstration, you’re safe with daddy.” Steve goes, tears in his throat, but he isn’t sure why. “Doyou want to kiss it? Put your face on it so you know it won’t leave you? Your forehead on the money. That way you could snatch it up when we’re done.” Steve nods. Puts his forehead on the money, the table is padded underneath. Cool through the bill but his cock leaks, drips and he’s worried he’s going to come, just from touching it.

“Good boy. Rub your face on it if you want.” He does.“And I’d touch you, softly. Be behind you, careful and nice to you. Protecting you, Steve. And you’d have a warm place for me inside. So soft and hot for your daddy. I’d fall in love with this hole, I just know it,” he says, and there’s a brush of a finger against it. It’s slick and a little cool. He strokes his finger over it, all slick and wet.

“Daddy?” he asks, worried.

“Shh. This is just a little touch. A tiny finger. So you understand how soft and gentle it is. How sweet. Only nice things for daddy’s good boy. Only to take care of you. This is how I’d get to show you how much you mean to me. How much I mean to you. This _special_ part of you. Letting me inside it. Not your mouth, which everyone gets. Which is used and dirty all the time. No, this part of you is actually the most pure part of you, isn’t it? For me. I’d worship and be sweet to the very dirtiest part of you.”

He’s falling into a daze. His cheek is flush on the table, the money a pillow. A cushion. It kisses his skin and offers safety. The touch on his hole tickles. It’s soothing, not bad. His daddy touches Steve’s cock softly and that isn’t something he does all that much so it’s nice.

“Daddy, I’ll come.”

“With my finger on your bottom? How nice that will be for you. Go ahead, sweet boy.”

He tugs gently and Steve moans and lets it happen. He closes his eyes and enjoys it, presses his cheek into the bill, tries to sniff it a little. “Easy, sweet boy,” the doctor murmurs and his finger presses _inside_ Steve.

Steve makes a little sound, worried and uneasy. The doctor chuckles, fond and soothing. “Nothing to worry about. My good boy is going to come.”

“Daddy.” He comes and it’s so sweet and gentle, he feels so cared for as his daddy murmurs to him, cups his spent cock gently. Protectively. The finger stays in his hole and his daddy tells him to rest, to stay still.

His daddy grunts behind him, is stroking his own cock. He comes fast, spurts of warmth and love on Steve’s bottom, onto his crack so it drips down. “Beautiful boy. I want to just keep you warm and safe, Steve. Keep you fed and cared for. Let me show you, just a little more,” he says, and the finger comes out of his hole, presses back, slicker and Steve can’t see it but he can feel it, he can imagine it. The doctor taking a glob of his spunk and trying to press it into Steve’s hole.

“Is it going in, daddy?”

He sighs. “I’m afraid not. Not really. You’re too tight. It’s alright. I just wanted you to remember me. This special time between us. Truly, you are a good boy, Steven. You make me so happy. You must always come to me if you need help, boy. Daddy will take care of you.”

Steve sobs. He keeps it quiet. Keeps the love he feels inside. His daddy. He’s never had one, but he does now. And a doctor. A rich daddy to take care of him. He shuffles his legs open a little more.

“Oh, how sweet,” the doctor says, proudly. He presses come into Steve, over and over again. It’s peaceful, calming. The in and out, how much easier it gets. How willing the doctor is to spend time on him. He thought he knew what love was. He didn’t. This here. This is love.

His hole gets warm and the doctor stops, wipes Steve up and helps get his pants up. Steve can’t stop looking at the money. His hand tingles with the desire to touch it. The doctor picks up the five dollar bill, puts it back into his pocket. It’s worse than any physical blow.

The doctor goes blurry as Steve looks at him and swallows against the tears in his throat. “Oh, sweet boy. What’s wrong?”

Steve bends down and picks up the dollar bill he always gets. He puts that in his pocket. He’s sewn a little pocket inside where bills go so he doesn’t accidentally lose them. It’s never happened but it could. And then what would he do?

“Nothing, daddy.”

His daddy hugs him. Kisses the top of his head. “You are a good boy, Steven. Daddy gives you what you earn. Isn’t that fair?”

“Yes, sir.” He knows it is but he’s _touched_ the money, felt it. Came with it pressed against him. Now it’s being taken away.

“That’s the money daddy would give you for your bottom. A big bill for the first time. As a sign of my love for you.”

“Yes, daddy.”

“Now. I have to go home. I’m sure you do, too. Have a big night ahead of you?”

“A bit, daddy.” His ma is getting sick again and winter is coming. He always gets sick in winter and a cold or a cough can have him out of earning for weeks. Things get really scary then.

“How many cocks is my good boy going to suck tonight?”

“Um, six. I hope.”

“What lucky men they’ll be. Such a sweet mouth.”

“Thank you, daddy.”

“You love having all that in your stomach, don’t you? Keeping you strong.”

“Yes, daddy.” It’s part of why he does it. To be as big and strong as those other men. The alphas, the healthy men. If he’s got all that potent spunk inside him, then maybe it’ll become part of him, too.

“Steven. Think how efficacious getting all that man cream into your bottom might be? A direct suppository of strength.”

It’s a shocking revelation. It hadn’t occurred to him. “Is that… does it work that way, daddy?”

“Oh, yes.”

He goes to his desk, writes something down and hands it to Steve. His reading and writing isn’t very good. The doctor knows this and tells him what he’s put down. “This is my colleague. He is expecting you to come by and ask him questions.”

Steve swallows. “I believe you, daddy. I don’t need to check.”

His daddy smiles, chucks him under the chin.

“You’d like it, Steve. Earn a lot more money for you and your ma. Get all that strength building cream inside you. Ward off all the germs, too. Give your jaw a rest. You mentioned that had begun to ache.”

He nods. That’s true. “But, I don’t want to be an omega.”

“Of course not! But… I do think you might like being one. I want it for my own girl, don’t I?”

Steve supposes that’s true. His daddy loves his daughter more than anything. “But, isn’t it bad?”

“My dear boy, it’s getting late and we should leave. You don’t have to be an omega. We are resolved for you to be a beta, aren’t we?”

“Yes, daddy.”

“Good. Good.”

He shows Steven out.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve loves getting fucked. His daddy lets him choose if he wants to be fucked on five, one dollar bills or the one _big_ bill. He doesn’t know. He can’t decide. A stack or somethingimpressively large. He can’t even imagine walking into a store with a five dollar bill. It’s that, that decides him. Ones.

The money gets put on the ground before the fire. There’s a towel and lubricant. His daddy has him take his clothes off and won’t let Steve suck him off. The first time he thinks Steve will want him to be done faster.

He pouts. Daddy’s come in their boy’s mouth. Steve wants it. Maybe his daddy doesn’t want him. He’s not as good as he thinks he is. His daddy should be thinking of Steve’s mouth all week long, counting down the minutes to get inside it and come down his throat.

His stomach grumbles in hunger. He’d wanted that come. Anticipated it as a snack. His daddy gets him naked and praises him, lets Steve be warm and toasty near the fire, gives him alcohol which he usually doesn’t. It’s hot going down his throat. It burns. He wishes it was come.

His limbs feel heavy and there’s a gentle throbbing in his ass. His cock is achingly hard, dripping under him. “Daddy?” he slurs.

“Just a little something to make it good for you, baby. My good boy needs to be calm and receptive to daddy’s cock. No struggling. Staying a beta for daddy.”

Steve nods. A finger slips into his hole and he squirms into it. “Oh daddy, it’s so good.”

His daddy hums in agreement. “Course it is. You love it. Such a good slutty boy for daddy. This is why you’re my best boy.”

And then two fingers go into him. It stings and he’s full. He whimpers. “Daddy.”

“Touch the money, boy. Rub it on those little balls of yours. Getting all fuzzy as you grow up.” Steve blushes. He puts two dollars on his balls, touching gently. It crinkles and isn’t all that comfortable. It doesn’t matter. The fingers start thrusting into him. In and out. Opening him. He’s getting praised. So many sweet words. He looks behind him. His daddy is so hard in his pants. That’s good.

Three fingers is a struggle. For some reason, Steve comes. “Hurts, daddy,” he says, feeling filled and a little scared. His cock explodes, come spilling below him, all over the money in thin little stripes.

“Look at what a good slutty boy you are for daddy! Baby, I’m so proud.”

“Daddy, my bottom is so sore.”

“And hungry?”

“I don’t know.”

“I think you do, baby. You need a cock to soothe you. Make it all worthwhile.”

He shuffles, tries to relax. The fingers are too big. Too many of them and too deep. His cock is getting hard again and he has to put the money down, take his hand off altogether. “Daddy,” he begs.

“Do you want the money, Steve?”

“Yes, daddy.”

“This is how you get it. You don’t get that much money unless you give daddy something special. It just isn’t fair, is it?”

“No, daddy.” His daddy pulls his fingers out, wipes them off and gives Steve a little more to drink. His head hurts a little and his cock is so fucking hard again. He shoves his face into his daddy’s groin, opening his pants, mouthing at the cock. “Hungry, daddy.”

“Bet you are. Turn around, boy.”

Steve goes with a pout. The cock is so big and hard. It hurts and he tries not to cry. His daddy says sweet things and Steve comes when he’s seated. His daddy comes too, his cock slides out and Steve is so wet in his hole. He touches it, his fingers going inside. It’s scary. He cries and his daddy covers him with a blanket. Puts the money into Steve’s hand and he clutches it tight.

His daddy pets him a bit and gives him chocolate. He likes that. His daddy lifts the blanket, touches Steve’s cock. He’s hard again. “It’s the drugs, good boy. Let’s get you taken care of. Look how nice that is. You get something of daddy in your ass and now you get my hand on your cock. What a lucky boy. And all this money. What a special day it is, isn’t it?”

Steve naps and comes again. When he sits up, his ass throbs. His daddy gives him a kiss and sends him home. He limps a little. His stomach is so empty from the lack of come he didn’t earn today. He sucks a few cocks on the way home, lets it soothe him. A hand in his hair, the grunting and bitter come. So good.

He sleeps deeply and comfortingly, hand clutching the money.

***

It doesn’t take long before he’s begging for it. He always makes daddy come in his mouth. He needs to _taste_ him. And then daddy fills his ass with come. He jerks off and gets money.

His daddy calls him a slut, _his_ slut, and he loves Steve’s hole. Loves it even more than his mouth. He can’t stay away from it. He’s always trying to get into Steve a little too fast. It hurts and Steve cries sometimes. That makes his daddy even more eager. He loves when his daddy is eager.

Sometimes, he’s bent over without even a greeting, a finger pressed into him, or drugs put to his mouth so his daddy doesn’t have to open him up very much. Sometimes he makes Steve open himself up, naked before the fire while he does paperwork.

And then his daddy puts menthol on Steve’s prick, gets him so hot and hard and crying with it, bends him over the desk and fucks him without even a finger to open him, the pain obliterating and beautiful and he comes so hard, so long that he wants it to end.

He’s a mess after that, so weak and soft that he can’t bear to leave his daddy’s lap, that his daddy has to put a glass dildo inside him, something only used on hysterical omegas, to calm him down and get some work done.

The glass dildo scares him. He’d loved it. Cold at first. Unyielding and so damned heavy. Buy, it’s for omegas. He’s going to be fifteen soon. His time is coming. He can’t be an omega. He decides to get a second opinion, after all.

His daddy gives him a name but he isn’t overjoyed about it. Steve finds his own doctor. His name is Dr. Erskine. He’s actually volunteering at the free clinic as he tours America, speaking of his work, which is something Steve doesn’t care about and wouldn’t understand anyway.

The doctor listens to his lungs and his heart. He looks worried when Steve lists his various health problems. “I’m going to be 15. I’m wondering how I can make sure I become a beta.”

The doctor blinks. His accent is thick. “Well, it would be very unlikely for you to be an alpha. It’s hard on the body to make that change. If you were going to be an alpha you’d likely have a lot more weight on you by now. Like growth, your body storing fat to make the change. And, you would likely have signs of a knot,” he says, which is news to Steve. He has Steve take down his pants, lifts his penis, presses hard at the base as he searches for signs that he’ll have a knot.

“Often it is the size of a pea. It can be hard or soft, but it’s a mass that doesn’t move. Like a kernel that it grows from. When will you be fifteen?”

“Three months.”

He shrugs. Let’s go of Steve’s prick, ignores how hard he got from the touch. “If you don’t feel anything in the next two months then you will not be an alpha.”

That’s a relief. “But… how can I make _sure_ I’m a beta?”

The doctor’s brows raise. He takes off his spectacles and cleans them. “Male omegas are very rare. It is okay to be afraid of such a thing. It’s a common fear boys have. You do not need to worry.”

“Is there… can you check? How does it happen?”

“Male omegas produce a lubricant. They are able to be penetrated by other men. They need it, crave it. A male omega will do almost anything for a cock. They are biologically dependent upon what the alpha semen contains inside of it. Without a cock they can become deranged, even suicidal. It is a pitiable existence. But, Steve, it is also _rare_. Omega boys must be created. Broken, to be made that way. It’s a body’s defense against threat and rape. Are you being sexually assaulted or harmed?”

He shakes his head. Knows he’s blushing. He likes it. He comes and thinks about daddy in the night. Daddy being eager and how sweet he gets when Steve’s hole is aching and sore.

He’s started to only fuck himself with his fingers, comes so much harder that way. He dreams of his daddy’s cock, of crying for him. But, he _wants_ that. So, it isn’t harm.

Dr. Erskine frowns at him. “If you were to be an omega, you would likely have a kernel of the lubricating gland inside your anus by now. It is something boys from rich families are checked for. There are ways to prevent one from becoming an omega. Ensure they become a beta if a gland is growing.”

“Could you… would you check me, please?”

He nods, frowning. Gets jelly on his fingers, and has Steve bend over. “The asshole of a normal boy your age is tight and untouched. There is no swelling or— _Oh_.” Fingers press at his hole. Gentle. Steve tries desperately to not get even harder. Only his daddy touches him there, but this man’s touch is good too. 

“It is… puffy back here, Steven. And my finger slips in quite easily.”

“I know.”

The doctor says nothing else. Two fingers press into him, cool and wet. He presses the walls. He stops, presses again, seems to be feeling around the same area in a circle. It’s good. It feels so good that he has to shove back into it, has to find a way to get this man’s dick into him. He hopes it’s big. So big. He’ll need money though.

“A dollar,” he breathes, but the doctor maybe doesn’t hear him. Steve’s shaking. Every muscle is locked so he doesn’t fuck back desperately on the fingers inside him and embarrass himself.

The fingers come out. “I’ll be right back,” the doctor says, and leaves the room. Steve fucks his fingers into his hole instantly, jamming deep and hard against that same spot. He jerks his cock fast and tight and comes quickly, clenching on the fingers and jabbing hard against his body’s squeeze, forcing them open. It hurts and it feels so good. It always makes more come spill out of him, an extra heavy spurt, every single time. Feels like another orgasm. Makes his hole a little looser too. So his daddy says.

He cleans up the mess quickly, washes his hands, puts his pants back on and the doctor knocks on the door. Comes back in. His cheeks are pink. Steve suddenly fears the man knows what he had to do. That the doctor left because he knew Steve would need to come after getting something in his hole.

The doctor sits on a stool. “Tell me about your home life.”

Steve swallows hard. “My ma is sick a lot. I’m…sick a lot. I work to keep us going.”

“What is your work?” he asks, like he doesn’t already know.

He shakes his head.

The doctor sighs. “How many men do you see on a daily basis?”

“None. I have one man. He takes care of me and pays well and it’s only once a week in my bottom.”

“Is he… he must be quite rough?”

“No, sir. It’s always good. I do…enjoy it.”

The doctor nods. “Can you read and write?”

“A little.”

“Math?”

“A little.”

The doctor strokes his beard for a moment. “Steven. You seem like a very clever young man. I’m afraid you are very far down a path to becoming an omega and I do not know if anything can stop it at this point. You have quite a large gland inside you. You produced a small amount of lubricant and I expect that in a month or two you will not find once a week to be enough. It will become a craving to be filled. You’ll prefer it over food, over safety. The necessity of having that craving satisfied can lead you into many bad decisions. Alphas are hardwired to mate omegas. They can be quite rough. Alphas treat male omegas more roughly, automatically. A natural dislike for something they see as perverse but cannot resist. They do not respect a male omega. No one wants to _cherish_ a male omega.”

“My daddy does,” he says, because he feels pathetic and stupid.

He looks at his notes. “Your father is alive?”

“No. He… my man, he treats me like a son. I call him that.”

The doctor blushes. “I see. I am unsure if that is true. You are likely to know best, but if you are this far along the change and you see him so infrequently… do you cry when he penetrates you?”

He shakes his head. The doctor doesn’t understand. Yes, he does sometimes cry but that’s when he likes it the most. That’s why it happens so often. “Does it hurt?”

“I like what we do,” he says, quietly.

Another long pause. “America is a very difficult place for a male omega. In some parts of Europe, they are a novelty and can command a great deal of money from protectors. They have a certain celebrity. I have not seen that here. Only shame and… difficulty. If I were you, I would learn to read, I would study as much as possible. Learn math and a trade. You will need to maintain your independence and you should immediately stop any sexual activity. Don’t even masturbate. Your body will take care of itself, releasing in the night. But, you need to prevent stimulation to the gland at all costs. Avoid alpha semen that would hasten the turn into an omega.

Tears fill his eyes. “We… we need the money.”

“Can you use protection? A barrier that the semen cannot cross? They can be expensive.”

“Probably not, no.”

The doctor winces. He hands Steve a handkerchief. “Then, perhaps you become an omega and study, try to get to Europe. Learn French or Italian where these things are accepted. Russian, too. Become the best omega you can and forge your own destiny. If you make the decisions you need to, look them in the eye, and do what is _smart_, you will be alright. You’re a clever boy, I can tell.”

“Clearly, I’m not if I’m… going to be _that_.”

“Steven. You’ve come for a second opinion. You didn’t trust the information you were given. That was sensible. Smart. Most people would not do that.”

“Can I stop it? At all?”

The doctor frowns. “Have you ever been with a woman?”

“No.”

“Have you ever fancied a girl or tried to kiss her?”

“No.”

“Steven. Sometimes, and this is controversial, but sometimes omegas are born. It is infrequent. It’s as rare as those with two sexes but sometimes it happens. I wouldn’t rule that out. If your patron has treated you gently, if he’s the only one you’ve let inside you and you’ve never liked women. You may be one of those.”

“I… I suck cock for money. I’ve done that for two years almost.”

“Do you enjoy it?”

“Yeah. I do. A lot.”

“Then I would say you are a born omega. This is nature taking its course. I am sorry.”

He lets Steve dress. The nurse asks him a few more questions and when he goes outside it’s dark. He hears scuffling from the alley, the sound of someone getting thrown against a trash can. The mention of someone being a Jew, but as if it were bad. 

Steve dashes into the alley. Two boys are beating up the doctor. He grabs a trash can lid and beats one of them over the head, a lucky hit knocking one of them out. The other boy backs away, Steve gets the doctor out of there, warding the boy off with the trashcan while the doctor limps out of the alley. They both run back into the clinic.

The doctor looks him over like Steve has done something surprising. They wait for the police to arrive, sitting in the entryway of the clinic, door locked behind them, the receptionist grumpily waiting for them to go so she can leave too. “You are a good boy, Steven. You will be a good man, no matter how your gender presents.”

He nods. It’s nice, he supposes. Not particularly helpful. “You could have run away, Steve.”

“I don’t like bullies.”

Dr. Erskine mumbles under his breath.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve goes a day without cock. By the end of it, he’s tired and restless, he hurts in his stomach and in his ass. His head is throbbing and his dick goes from being so hard he’s dripping toflaccid and… weird feeling. There isn’t a good description for it.

He touches himself that night, brushes a finger over his hole and sure enough, it’s a little wet. It’s clear and almost like oil, a little whiter, maybe creamier. Fairly odorless. He doesn’t want to taste it but he’s curious. It’s almost sweet.

He needs to stop now. He does. Puts his hands on his chest and lays in bed, waiting to fall asleep.He doesn’t sleep.

Maybe, if he just touched his hole a little, he thinks and presses a finger in. It goes in easy. It should be tight, the doctor said. He isn’t particularly tight.

He spreads his legs, gets a second finger wet inside himself and then presses in with two. He searches for the gland the doctor was pressing on and whimpers when he finds it. Oh, it’s heaven. It feels so good that he has to turn over, get his ass in the air in an attempt to get his fingers in deeper. And he likes it this way. Ass up and out. The doctor could slide right into him. So deep and just brush over that gland. Rub it and slide over it. He gushes, it’s the only description, a trickle of fluid that slips out of him as he rubs on that spot.

“Daddy. Daddy,” he thinks, wishing he was there. Wishing he could have his cock and his money. Feel warm by his fire. He comes hard, making a mess everywhere. So much come because he’d gone a whole day with no release.

He sucks on his own fingers, thrusts them in and out of his mouth, desperate to feel a cock in his throat. He licks the bed, where he’s made a mess, his own come better than nothing, but it doesn’t taste as good as the doctor’s. Not like alpha come.

He doesn’t sleep hardly at all. By the next afternoon he feels poor and grumpy. He’s already started crying and he just doesn’t know how he’ll survive without the cocks and the come and his daddy. He takes out the money he has, pets it and mentally allocates how much they have.

It won’t last long. It never does. He passes the alleys and all the men on the way to his daddy and he doesn’t make eye contract. Doesn’t do anything to signal that he’d be willing to suck some cock and get a few coins. It’s weird. He’s sort of embarrassed. He’s good at sucking cock. That’s what he does. Who is he to just walk down the street and not be earning? Who does he think he is? Like some rich alpha or something.

His daddy frowns at seeing him there. “Steven. Shouldn’t I be seeing you tomorrow?”

“Yes, sir. I just… I can’t see you anymore, daddy.” His eyes fill with tears. “I had to tell you. I didn’t want to tell you. I’m so sad. Daddy, I just--”

His daddy hauls him into his office. It’s not as warm as it is on his day. And isn’t that a sign of how much his daddy cares? That he keeps the room extra warm for his boy because he’s going to be naked?

“What’s going on, Steven?”

“I went to see a doctor, yesterday. To see if I might be an omega.”

His daddy frowns. “What did he say?”

“He said I have a gland in my hole that means I’m almost positive to be an omega. Said I need to stop anyone touching it and no more alpha semen if I want any chance to be a beta. But… he thinks…maybe I was born an omega.”

His daddy puts him on his lap and holds him while Steve cries. He comforts him, pulls out his wallet and gives Steven a dollar to hold onto. He presses his face into his daddy’s neck.

“What will you do, boy?”

Steve shrugs. “I don’t know. My ma. Or, if I’m sick. If I don’t earn anymore money, if my ma gets fired again or has to miss more than a week then we’d be out. If she stays healthy and I stay healthy, if I don’t earn, then maybe 6 weeks til we’re out.”

“He said if I am going to be an omega I should read and write, do math. Maybe go to Europe.”

“Sounds like he had an awful lot of opinions.”

“I feel so bad, daddy. I haven’t had any cream in two days.”

His daddy sighs. “A needy boy like you needs a steady supply. We know that, don’t we?”

“But, he said I shouldn’t.” He looks up at his daddy. He’s bigger than him. His hair is gray at the temples. His beard is heavy. Steve can feel him hard under him. All Steve has to do is get near him and his daddy gets hard. It’s a sign of how good Steve is. How much his daddy cares for him.

“Does daddy love you?”

“Yes,” he says, blinking tears.

“Does daddy know you and take care of you?”

“Yes.”

“How long have I done that?”

“Almost…almost two years.”

“How long has the doctor known you?”

He swallows and nods. Presses close to his daddy. Puts his hand down on daddy’s cock and palms him gently.

“Everyone is different, Steven. It isn’t that easy to put people in little slots and boxes. Maybe there are some boys who can stop and maybe if you stopped it would slow your change into an omega, but I don’t believe it would help you become anything different. That isn’t possible.”

“I want to be a beta.”

“And you might be.”

Steve can’t stop touching his daddy’s cock through his pants. His hole is even getting wet. Has he ever noticed that before? He squirms a little, trying to be certain. “Could I just touch you, daddy?”

“Oh, what a good boy you are,” he says. He puts his hand on Steve’s groin where Steve is so hard and beginning to leak. Two days. It’s been so long.

“Maybe we shouldn’t? If you trust this doctor so much more than me, maybe you shouldn’t.” Daddy takes the dollar out of Steve’s hand.

“Daddy?”

“It wouldn’t be right to give you that if you didn’t earn it, now would it?”

“N-no, daddy.” But part of him had wanted his daddy to give him money. To understand and want Steve to be okay enough to give it to him. Free. Out of love. His daddy grinds his hard cock against Steve.

“I’ve been thinking about your mouth, Steven. Been so busy working and my wife has been out of town. You wouldn’t believe how backed up I am. Perhaps, it’s good to say no, because I have so much alpha cream that you’d slosh as you left here.”

His mouth waters. He pets daddy’s cock through his pants more firmly, undoes the button. “I need it in my hole, daddy. I can get other cream on the street, and money too, but only you get me back there.”

“Ah. I thought you weren’t going to do that, baby. I don’t want to bring about something you don’t want. So, you just put daddy’s cock in your mouth. I’ll even give you an extra dollar for it,” he says. “Just this once.”

And he’s urging Steve to the ground, opening his pants. His cock is hard and pre-come fills the tip. “Oh, daddy,” he whimpers, and sucks it off. “Just not my bottom, maybe? Maybe I can just get it in my mouth and spit it out?”

His daddy takes his dick out of Steve’s mouth. “You’d waste daddy’s cream?”

“No, but… the change? Becoming an omega? If I have less of it, then it isn’t as likely.”

His daddy doesn’t look happy. Then he smiles. “Go ahead then good boy. Get the trash and bring it here. Next to you. As soon as I fill your mouth, you can spit it right out.”

“Thank you, daddy.” He gets the trash can and wants to suck but he’s missed his daddy. Missed the smell of him and the johns he sucks. Misses men and even filth and piss and all of it. His daddy is clean, but he tries to lick and suck and taste him, gets his face covered in pre-come.

His daddy’s balls might be fuller than normal and he can’t stand the idea that he’s going to spit it out. But, he will. He will. He wants to be a beta. His daddy fucks his throat and Steve can’t help but come as he tastes a spurt of pre-come. His hole tingles, almost itches and he wishes his daddy’s cock was in him.

His daddy comes, it’s down Steve’s throat and he pulls off, gets a mouth full and spits that into the trash. His eyes fill with tears. His daddy gets up and walks away from him, leaves him on the floor with cream on his lips. The fire is far away, the room is cold. His daddy is all buttoned up again. He goes to his desk and comes back. Two coins bounce on the carpet next to him. He looks up.

“How can I give you that much money if you won’t even swallow? I’m sorry, baby. It isn’t fair to me. You know how much I need to see you have it. It’s my gift to you. Ifyou don’t want it,” he shrugs, as if this is obvious.

“But, I _do_ want it. I just _can’t_. Daddy.”

“Steven. I’m being _quite_ sympathetic to your plight. You didn’t even ask me what I thought. Didn’t trust me. Took some stranger’s word over mine, and yet I still let you have a little bit of cock on your own terms, didn’t I? I must say, I’ve gotten quite used to a sweet boy being eager and _wanting_ to sit on my cock and make a nice end to my day, and I’m rather put out to have to find a replacement. And, I was even giving you quite a bit of money for it now wasn’t I? I do wish you the best, Steven.”

His world is ending. He holds up a hand. “Daddy?” Oh god. He’s losing everything. His income, his daddy. Affection and the warm fire. “But, daddy, I love you,” he says.

“I loved you too, boy.”

Not good boy. Not sweet boy. Just _boy_. He wants to go over and work his daddy hard, sit down on his cock and be filled up with him. But, he can’t. He just can’t. “I’m not yours?”

“Do you want to be mine?”

“I am. I have been.”

His daddy laughs. “Steven. Once a week does not make you mine. To be mine I’d have to… well.” He looks sad for a moment.

“What, daddy?”

“If you were mine, daddy would break you in. Just like my daughter’s husband did to her.Like all the best omegas get. But then you’d be mine forever. And I’m sure you don’t want that. A nice young man like you would like options, I think.”

“No, I want you, daddy.”

“Drop your trousers. Come here.” He obeys. His daddy doesn’t even slick up his fingers, he just shoves them into Steve’s hole. It burns and he whimpers. His cock starts to get hard. “Look at that. Penetration arouses you. Even rough penetration. You often come when I fuck you now. And here….” He pokes at Steve’s walls, finds his omega gland and presses hard into it. So hard Steve cries out and his cock spurts. “Look. Yes. Feel that? It’s large and developed. It’s _done_. What else was a needy little slut like you going to do besides suck cock for your life? You can’t read or write, you won’t go to school. You’re too sick to hold down a real job. No woman will marry you. It is you and your mother and _me_. Everyone else comes and goes. You’re a mouth to them. A hole. A place for their spunk. They must see you and know you’re a whore, mustn’t they? You do one thing very well. The one thing you love. You can’t give it up. It’s who you are and who you will always be. Perhaps I’ve been wrong to not say anything but I was trying to protect you. I do care, Steven.”

His daddy is right. Steve can’t help but cry. He crawls forward, buries his face in his daddy’s groin, tries to get at his cock. “Over my desk or leave.”

“Daddy?”

“You heard me. We know what you are. We do. Don’t we? So let daddy take care of you. Claim you. Put this all to rest.”

“Daddy, please.” He thinks he means please don’t. But he wants it. Because he is a whore for his daddy. For everyone. It makes him happy. Makes him feel alive.

“I’m going to fuck you hard. And look, here’s your money,” he says, pulling it out of his wallet. It’s ten dollars. More than he’s ever been given.

“Daddy?”

“You’ll take it like a proper omega today. And the conversation will be over. You’ll be daddy’s.” Steve looks at the door. He should leave. His daddy takes off his pants and his shoes. Even his socks. His daddy takes off his jacket and shirt. He’s completely naked. His daddy has never been naked before. This is special. Steve goes to the desk and bends down. His daddy pulls his pants down, roughly puts a finger into his hole.

“You’re a little wet. Just a moment.” His daddy goes about the room. He puts a log on the fire. He comes back with the glass dildo and menthol. He even has a gag he puts it in Steven’s mouth and ties up his hands. He’s so helpless now. The fight goes out of him. His daddy comes back, takes out the gag and gives him drugs. More bitter than usual. It’s hot in his stomach. His hole throbs in need.

His daddy presses into his hole with his fingers. His gland is prodded over and over. Just the gland. The tears come. It starts to ache. He starts to try to twitch away from the touch. It’s maddening and continuous. He tries to say something about how sore he is. His daddy stops and he sighs in relief.

Daddy puts menthol on Steve’s cock and Steve cries in earnest. He’s limp and pliable. He doesn’t realize his daddy is talking, but vaguely notes the click of the phone being put down. His daddy finally fucks him. Just jams his cock in and fucks him hard and fast. His hips will have bruises. It’s good and he cries. The menthol makes him come and cry more.

There’s a knock on the door. A man comes in and takes off his clothes. He comes to Steve and puts his dick in Steve’s mouth. Thank god. Steve sucks and the man comes deep in his throat. He takes his cock out for a bit and then comes back, has Steve get him hard and then goes to his ass, sinks in and pounds away at him, coming deep inside him. He wasn’t very wide but he was long and the cock in his hole felt different than his daddy’s. He’s pulsing when the man is done. His daddy puts the glass dildo inside him, jams at his gland over and over again. It’s getting swollen. So uncomfortable and then painful that he tries to move away.

Another man arrives and uses Steve’s mouth and then his ass. It goes on and on. His gland gets worked over again and again. He begs for it to end. He loses his voice. His cock has come over and over again and is trying to get hard yet again and he hates it.

“Daddy,” he whispers.

His daddy comes around and peers down at him. Some man is fucking him. His cock is big. Very big and it hurts. “Steven. You’re close.”

What can be left? How much more is there? “This is the night you become an omega, baby. I want to get you set up good and proper. If you’re an omega you should be an omega. Not a little bit, but completely.”

He doesn’t understand.

His daddy wipes at his face a little, smears the semen and tears together. “The harder you get used tonight, the more you’ll need. If you’d let nature take its course, you would have been an omega with high needs. Now you’ll be _insatiabl_e. You’ll be constantly wanting it. You’ll be so pretty in how much you need it. All the time. If you’re mine, I’m going to want you everyday, not once a week. And you’ll be here begging to get that sweet cunt filled.”

This is all upsetting enough, but something else is happening in his ass. He tries to lift his head, to see what’s going on, but he’s so tired. From the drugs and the fucking. “Steven. Relax, sweetheart. He’s the breaker. This is the hard part. He has a knot that will be very difficult to take. But you’re so open and sloppy you can do it.”

Steve trembles and whines, sobs. Someone takes a hold of his cock and rubs him roughly, slaps his balls a little which is distracting and brings on that feeling of weakness that he loves so much. And then there’s the knot. The knot he doesn’t even remember later. The knot that makes him lose consciousness.

He wakes up sometime later and he’s on his daddy’s couch. He’s a wash of pain and come. His cock is hard. How can it be hard after everything that’s happened? Moving is agony and still his cock doesn’t flag in the slightest. “Daddy,” he begs, feeling very soft and needy.

His daddy comes back over to him, sits down naked beside him and gets Steve onto his lap, has him sit down on his cock even though he weakly tries not to. Once he’s on, he collapses, his body suffused with calm even as the pain in his hole is like glass inside him. His cock starts to spill fluid. Slowly and steadily.

“Daddy?” he asks, terrified. This is different. He feels different.

“This is how you will soothe yourself from now on, good boy. A cock in your hole. It’s the only way. We were very lucky that a knotter was available. That’s quite rare. If we hadn’t found one, you wouldn’t be able to soothe with a cock. But, the knotter had a friend. Even more rare, my sweet angel, he was barbed. A barbed alpha for your breaking. He’d never broken a male omega. He was quite enchanted. I practically had to drive him off with a stick.” He doesn’t know what that means. How that changes things. But, his daddy chuckles, like it’s vastly amusing.

His daddy plays withhis chest. It’s odd. He’s not done that before. Usually just his mouth and his hole but now he’s pinching his nipples rather relentlessly. “You may need to squeeze them, boy. It will help them as they grow.”

“Grow?”

“It’s not a guarantee, but the barbed alpha seemed quite certain that with the men and the knotting, and your gland bursting that it was quite likely you’d develop two little plums. You may even need a bra in a year or two. A barbed alpha can induce heats in female omegas. Very rare. He didn’t even know if male omegas could have heats. Oh, good boy. If you go into heat that will give daddy great pleasure.”

“Daddy?”

“What is it, my little slut? Do you need to move?”

How can he? He’s so sore inside. So hurt and well used and yet he does need to move, he needs _more_. He squeezes, just a little, just curious as to how it will be, there must be some pleasure, right? If he feels like he needs it and he’s aching and all he can think is that he needs to move and get come inside him?

He cries out at the agony inside. He pets his daddy’s chest. Scared. Confused. His daddy smiles at him. “Go ahead. You’ve got daddy all hard, too. I can smell it on you. Little slutty omega boy and all mine.

He looks down, can’t stand to look in his daddy’s eyes, at the glint he sees there. Maybe his daddy doesn’t love him. Maybe, just maybe, the man has done something evil to him, exploited him. Maybe there was a reason he never wanted his ma to know what he was up to, the cocks he sucked and how he let his daddy hurt him.

No. No, that’s not possible. If his daddy isn’t nice, if his daddy doesn’t actually love him, then he’s just ruined everything, made himself into something unlovable and depraved, broken and desperate. And that… he couldn’t have been so stupid.

He tilts his head up, wants a kiss from his daddy. Just a tiny press of lips. His daddy frowns. “Too many cocks in that slutty hole today. Now go ahead and make us feel good. We need to be getting home, don’t we?

He blinks back tears. Shifts just a little and has to go still at how blindingly painful it is. He feels raked up inside, pummeled and raw. He’s been destroyed. And where that gland was… did daddy say it was gone? It was… hurt? With what? The dildo? The knot? The barb? Too many men?

“How many men, daddy?”

“Oh, I don’t know, baby. There came a point where your hole was too sloppy and your mouth had to do. Even unconscious and out of it, you sucked. A good boy and his pacifier. You just needed a cock in your mouth and you settled down.”

His daddy gets impatient, his hips twitch and Steve begs his daddy not to. “I can do it, daddy. I can. P-p-please. Just me.”

“I’ve got to go home, Steven,” he says, warningly.

Little movements, just tiny, impossibly small is all he can stand. And then he’s coming and it hurts so badly to spasm inside that he faints.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2011 is close I promise!


	4. Chapter 4

When the war starts Steven’s mother is long dead, his daddy passed on more recently. Not having people to love and who love him is another way of being empty. He works in a whore house. Steve needs so much cock to get through the day. In his ass and his mouth. When he goes to bed, he feels empty and alone. When he wakes up in the morning he’s so desperate for it that they let in a few men early. They joke that he needs come for breakfast. They all know it isn’t a joke.

He’s the most clear-headed in the late mornings. That’s when he reads and writes letters to doctors around the world, communicating with experts about his condition. One of the doctors is Dr. Erskine, the man he’d met several years ago. He’s in New York because of the war and he makes an appointment to come and see Steven. He’s even willing to pay, but Steve is their best whore, a novelty male omega who won’t say no to anything and any madam would take him so she says yes to him having a visitor. So long as he doesn’t try to leave the premises, he can have a visitor.

The doctor takes blood and runs a few tests, leaves and returns with a proposition. He’s going to be turning someone into a super solider. It cannot be an alpha. They did that and it made a monster. A beta is possible but not perfect. He thinks it can be Steve. If he can stabilize Steve, get his needs under control, then he can do it.

It will need to be a secret. If he can’t find a way to get Steve’s need for sex down then it can’t be done. “I think it is possible,” he says, carefully. Concisely. He winces after sipping at the house brandy. It is fairly vile.

Steve drinks a lot of it. He knows. “The trouble is the ruined gland. It was pierced and pulverized. You need a constant absorption of hormones to function. It is an addiction.” 

Steve hunches down into himself. Yes, it is. He knows that. An insatiable addiction. He doesn’t even know what it would be like to go a moment without a desperate craving for cock. If there was a period in his life before that, he can barely remember it. And the cocks are good. They feel good and taste good. They give him moments of peace and joy. He doesn’t even know if he _wants_ to give it up. But if he doesn’t give it up, this is his life.

And there is a war going on. People dying and they come here and fuck him before they leave, they come back missing a limb or disfigured and fuck him again. They know what a slut he is. How useless. They don’t usually say it but he knows. He needs to fight. Do his part. Not just lay here with his cheeks spread and his mouth open.

If Dr. Erskine can make it happen, if he believes Steve can do this, then he’ll try. He has no right to do any less than anyone else.

***

Bucky Barnes isn’t the first person Steve meets when he gets out of the ice, but he is the most memorable. Mainly because he’s a total fucking asshole.

Steve knows jerks. He knows alpha jerks and even beta jerks, but Bucky Barnes is something else entirely. When Steve defrosts, he’s shivering. It isn’t an even process, either. Maybe it should be. Maybe they should have kept him unconscious until it was more even but they fucking didn’t, so he’s conscious but he can’t move. He can’t open his eyes because they’re fucking stuck together. He can’t move his fingers because they’re little sticks of fucking ice. Even his tongue is still stuck inside his mouth. He _might_ make a gurgling sound.

If he does, it isn’t loud enough because no one notices that being unfrozen is actually more terrifying than being frozen. It sure is taking a hell of a lot longer to defrost. If he could cry, if his skin worked that way, he would. He’d scream. He thinks it’s a form of torture. Are they turning to hurt him? 

“I think you should keep him under,” man number one says. Later, he finds out this is _Bucky._ The alpha’s real name is James. Normal and staid. The jackass _chooses_ to go by Bucky. Thinks he’s such hot shit he can get away with a stupid fucking name like that. Steve’s memory is perfect so he remembers, puts the voice to the name.

“You’re not a doctor, so as much as your input is appreciated, this is what is best for him.” Later, Steve will learn that is Director Fury. He is sarcastic.

“How does anyone know what is best for him? He’s been frozen for 70 years,” Bucky says. Steve would like to agree with that point. But, he can’t. What is happening to his skin? No one has said. He can’t see or feel. Will he have a nose? He’s seen frostbite. He’s only cold in pieces, the rest is numb or even burning hot. The slits of his eyelids for example, they feel like they’re on fire. And he knows his eyeballs are sticking to his eyelids. Is that okay? He shouldn’t be this aware. They need to put him _out_. Or let him die. Just throw him back in the water and hope something eats him.

Footsteps leave him. It must be Fury because Bucky says, “Jesus Christ, you poor bastard.” He’s close. Steve can smell him. He is an alpha but it’s very muted. Subtle. Heavy blockers or something. And cologne. But he knows the man is an alpha. The alpha sighs, puts a hand on Steve’s face, his cheek. It’s horribly gentle. Steve hasn’t had a dick in him, at all, since the serum, but a thumb near his mouth instantly makes him want to open and suck. Entice.

He’s frozen, so he can’t. And the urge itself is gone. It’s just muscle memory not craving or need. The serum took care of that. Alphas don’t suck cock. The only person who ever knew Steve wasn’t a beta is long dead. 70 years Bucky said. Can that be right? What all that might mean, how much will be _gone_ is horrifying. He thinks about the touch instead, that Bucky is still touching him softly.

“I’m here, what’s going on?” A gruff voice says. Bucky’s hand lifts away. 

“Rumlow. Just in time. The Captain is in distress as he wakes up. We were wanting to put an omega with him, help settle him down. A female omega might be a bit confusing at this juncture so you’re up. If that’s okay.”

“Course.” There’s a pressure on the bed, someone is pressing against his back, getting in close. Brock (more stupid names) laughs. “He’ll have to be pretty cold for me to fight him off, I must say.”

“Very funny. Thank you, Brock,” Bucky murmurs, and Steve wonders if Bucky is touching Brock, too. Alphas get to touch people. No one stops them or asks permission. The joy of being top of the food chain.

Usually, touch leaves him numb. This is actually a little repellent and he isn’t sure why. Wait. Is Rumlow an omega? They’re putting some slut in with him? His dick is frozen. What if Rumlow touches it? What if he’s expected to get _hard_ and copulate with this omega?

A monitor starts beeping. Footsteps. The doctor. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. It just started beeping.”

“He’s in distress. Perhaps the touch is disagreeable. Can you ease away from him and let’s see if he settles.” The bed shifts. Brock is away from him. It’s a relief. Such a relief. The beeping stops.

“Hmm. Well, that’s pretty strong evidence, but let’s see here. What happened just before Rumlow got into bed with him? There is a fifteen second window here where his brain waves spiked into contentment. It stops and then this is when Rumlow touched him.” Steve knows she must be pointing at something, but he can’t imagine what.

“I may have touched him. Well, I _did_ touch him. On the face. His cheek.” Bucky sounds embarrassed.

“Do it again. Let’s see.” Bucky touches his face. It’s nice. Steve tries to hate it. He thinks angry thoughts about how this alpha is touching him and how he doesn’t want it. He thinks…god, it’s nice. He supposes the last time he was touched was just before the plane crash. Peggy had kissed him. Uninvited. Taking him unawares. And, he’d figured he was just about to die so what the hell.

It had made his skin crawl. Like it always did since the serum. Before the serum, any touch was good, any cock was welcome. He’d never cared to learn his way around a pussy because he liked it rough and liked something inside him. Women didn’t have that. So, what was the point? Men were always ready to get off, always giving someone a look, wanting to see if maybe they could get it in. If they had money, Steve had eagerly said yes, yes, yes.

Until the serum. Every touch since then is an emphatic no, no, no.

Except, for some reason, the touch of the alpha who says Steve is a poor, pathetic bastard, somehow Steve doesn’t hate _his_ touch and they _know_. Steve is truly physically compromised or perhaps near death if there is an exception.

“Sargent. You’re up. I’m assuming Fury will clear you for cuddle time.”

“Jesus. Poor bastard,” Bucky says, again. It’s almost funny. The bed dips again. He tries to say that he doesn’t want this. He doesn’t like to be touched. No one should touch him. There’s heat along his back, an arm around his waist. Bucky exhales against his neck. It’s a good thing he doesn’t have tears. For a surreal and rather horrible moment he expects the brush of a beard on his neck. He thinks of his daddy.

Which he’s not done for a long while. Not if he can avoid it. Thoughts of his daddy came at night or in small moments before he thinks he might die.

“Better. He’s staying in that range.”

“At least get me a damned audio book. How long will it take him to thaw out?”

“A normal frozen pig takes two days to defrost completely in a room this temperature.”

“He isn’t a pig,” Bucky says.

The doctor sighs in annoyance. Steve is with the alpha on this one. He isn’t a fucking pig thank you very much. “But that isn’t an alive animal, let alone a super soldier. Give it another hour or two and tell me if he moves or makes a noise. Keep an eye on this line. If it dips down, let me know. That would mean he isn’t okay with you at his back.”

“Got it.”

The omega, Brock, is still there. God. Brock’s undoubtedly going to try to fuck the alpha while Steve lays here. What a nightmare.

“This doesn’t put me out of the running to be his partner, does it?”

The alpha at his back is quiet for a moment. “I doubt it. He’s unaware and it isn’t like he’s actively chosen to not react well to you. You’re the best omega we have. Of course he’ll want to partner with you.”

“I think you’ll miss me,” Brock says, teasingly.

The alpha behind him laughs. It doesn’t sound mean. He’s waiting for the insult. Steve is waiting for the insult. He’s never met another male omega. Is it surprising he hates him without even seeing him? Instinctually? “Would you do me a favor and make sure Phil knows I’m out for a bit?”

“Why do I feel like you’re getting rid of me?”

“I’m not. You know I’m not.”

“Sure. I saw his levels dip. He doesn’t like me.”

“Brock.” The alpha sounds a little exasperated. “He’s unconscious and frozen. He’ll be glad to have you at his back when he wakes up and meets you.”

“Well, maybe at his front,” Brock says, suggestively.

Bucky sighs. Footsteps wander away. He speaks quietly, almost like a secret. “He’s a good sort. He’ll protect you in a fight and is very even tempered. Quite a calming influence. You’ll like him.” Bucky exhales against his neck, again. Steve thinks this is what normal couples must have done. Two lovers in bed and Bucky is telling him about his day.

Sometimes, men would collapse beside him for a little and talk, tell him little things about their lives and troubles, what was going on in the wider world while he laid there and got fucked. Or, if he was lucky enough that they had a knot and they were tied together waiting for it to go down, men talked to him rather kindly then.

And, after the serum, well, soldiers talked to him. Looked at him adoringly, buying into the outfit. They’d joke and tell stories and he was in half of them so that was good. Steve’s fingers twitch. He still can’t open his eyes or make a sound. It’s a living death.

“You’re going to be fine. It isn’t much longer.” Bucky pets him. Touches his arm. His fingers leaving little trails of warmth, life, on his skin. If this alpha touched every inch of his skin he thinks he’d be healed. He’d touch gentle, too. His daddy has been dead for almost 80 years if that’s right. Steve had been eighteen. Daddy’d always joked that Steve was going to give him a heart attack. Best not to think about that.

“Easy. It’s okay,” the alpha says. Steve didn’t make a noise. How does he know that Steve is upset? Is it on the monitor? He breathes on Steve’s neck, scents him. If he could blush, he’d do that, too.

The doctor comes back in.

“I know he’s likely asleep, but can you imagine how awful it would be to be aware like this? Like dying on Everest or something. Give him something.”

“You think he’s aware?” she asks. Steve thinks she’s considering it.

Bucky is quiet for a moment. “Yeah, I do.”

“Well, your instincts are terrifyingly good and it won’t hurt so sure. Just a second.”

“I’ll talk toyou when you wake up properly. It’s going to be fine. Friends and work and the war is long over. Peace. If you ever wanted it, you can have it.”

He never wanted it. How does the alpha know that? Is it a guess? The doctor comes back. He goes to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky isn’t there when he wakes up. Steve doesn’t ask about him. It would be strange. He hasn’t told anyone he remembers. No one mentions omegas to him. No one talks gender at all. They give him an apartment. It’s big and quiet. New. Coldly impersonal. He can still hear the sound of water filling in around him when he’s still. It’s terrifying. He doesn’t even like the shower.

He doesn’t sleep much. On the second day, they knock on his door and he meets lots of people. He can’t figure out what they are. No one has a scent. Everyone ducks his gaze, even more than they used to, and it’s confusing.

They let him punch things in the gym. No one approaches him. Brock finds him on the fourth day. He looks Steve up and down. Cock hungry. Steve knows men and he knows what omegas think about him. He’s big all over.

And Steve’s got a big cock. A big old alpha monster of a dick now. Omega women were always wanting to ride it. He shudders in revulsion. The omega doesn’t reek of come which is a surprise.

He doesn’t engage with him. The omega stretches, touches his toes, which shows off his ass, tries to catch Steve’s eye. Steve is resolute. Brock introduces himself. Steve doesn’t shake his hand. “I don’t touch omegas,” he says.

Brock laughs, uncomfortably. There are a few people in the gym. Steve isn’t aware that there’s someone else watching them. Usually, he feels the weight of a person’s gaze. He doesn’t feel Bucky.

“Well, I won’t shake your hand then.”

Steve grunts.

“Tomorrow they’ll start running you through practice simulations with omegas. I just wanted to introduce myself. Say hi so you’d know at least one friendly face.”

Steve stops hitting the bag. “Why would I go on missions with a slut?”

“W-what?”

A hand grabs his shoulder. Steve takes a swing, but clearly the person expected his reaction and they duck out of the way. “Apologize to the omega right now.” That’s Bucky Barnes. He knows that voice. Steve instantly feels ashamed. He’d been waiting to meet the alpha. Now he’s here and Steve has apparently said the wrong thing.

“I don’t like to fuck on mission.” Steve clarifies. Or ever, but he can’t say that because that is unheard of. Alphas like to come in omegas. Easy as that. For everyone else, at least.

“He isn’t offering that. Apologize.” Bucky Barnes is distractingly attractive. Steve isn’t paying all that much attention to the order. He’s looking at his face, his gray-blue eyes, the breadth of his shoulders. His hand is hot where it’s still on Steve’s shoulder. He is very tall. Still no scent that’s noticeable beyond the medley of scents in the gym.

“What would I apologize for?” he asks, barely interested. The omega isn’t his fucking problem. And he won’t apologize for not wanting to offer up his cock as a carnival ride.

“He isn’t a god damned whore. He’s a person. The odds are good he’ll save your fucking life pretty soon. So don’t be a fucking _asshole_ and apologize.”

Steve looks over at Brock although he’d much rather keep staring at the alpha. Very, very attractive. Steve has never fucked anyone for free. In all his thousands of cocks, not once. He’d fuck him for free. Would have. Before.

The omega is blinking back tears. He’s wearing tight fitting pants. Brock’s nipples are hard, his cock is hard. He’s sure he can smell the stink of omega slick. Male omega slick. Acid crawls up his throat. Brock wants Steve to fuck him. _That’s_ why he’s here.

What is this pretense? Steve intends to start off as he means to go on. He doesn’t want to be touched. He won’t fuck. Because Bucky is there and Bucky is… interesting, he makes some effort to be a little diplomatic. “It isn’t personal. The others will be very lucky to have you. You’re a sweet little slut I’m sure, but I’m not interested.”

Brock actually stumbles away from him. The gym is silent. “You’re going to come with me right now or I’m going to fucking deck you,” Bucky growls.

Steve turns to Bucky, gets to his full height. The alpha is fairly tall. His jaw ticks with aggression. A strange sensation goes through Steve. He can’t identify it. “Try.”

The alpha’s hand clenches. Unclenches. He shakes his head. Blows out a breath. “Let’s… let’s start over. I’m Sargent Barnes.”

“You can apologize to me. That’d be a good start,” Steve says. Bucky swallows and Steve looks at his neck. Tanned skin, he’s strong, too. How many times does he come when he’s got a crying omega under him?

“Apologize?” Bucky asks.

“You’re backing down because I can probably kill you with a good punch. That’s smart. But, I’m not going to pretend you’re just trying to be civil with me and start over. We’re not equals here.”

“What are we?” Bucky asks.

Steve isn’t actually quite sure. But, alphas submit to him because everyone submits to him. Bucky hasn’t. Yet. Sometime it’s just a nod, but he’ll get it and the longer this goes on the more Steve keeps thinking about it. He wants Bucky to submit and he wants it now. The alpha is unsettling.

“I think a lot has changed since you woke up. Let’s get showered and we’ll go for a beer. My treat.”

He follows the alpha to the locker room. Steve strips his clothes off and walks into the showers. He hates the sound of water. There are two other men washing and water rushes all around them. Steve hesitates, looks down at the white tile, at the water trying to spread towards him. Bucky stands next to him. Naked. He’s beautiful. His cock isn’t hard but it’s massive. He tries not to look, not to take too much note of it, but Bucky’s balls are heavy and he’s all smartened up and trimmed, and Steve doesn’t know for sure, but it’s possible the alpha has a knot.

Steve pushes that from his mind. That’s rare. “Are you a breaker?”

Bucky blinks at him. “Excuse me?”

“Do you have a knot and break omegas in?”

Bucky shakes his head. “That’s what I thought you said. No, Steve. I don’t _break_ omegas. No one _breaks_ omegas anymore. Things haven’t been done that way in fifty years. Well, not in first world countries anyway.”

“Then how is he a male omega?”

Bucky looks even more confused. “He just… is.” Bucky moves into the showers and Steve follows. The alpha’s ass is strong, all muscle. He’d fuck _hard_, too. Grind an omega into the mattress with that sort of strength. Make an omega howl like a cat in heat.

It’s not that Steve wants it. He’s just observing. He’s not wanted a cock in so long. He lost that. Sometimes, he wakes up and he can feel an echo in his ass. A remembered fucking fading as he wakes up. Sometimes, he dreams of his daddy. The night his daddy got him broken in. Those are hard, lonely nights. He was even more glad for the Commando’s company then. They were friends. They trusted each other with their lives. Can he somehow have that again? Maybe with this alpha?

Steve will have to stop offending him first. How difficult can that be? “I knew one once. Insatiable. Fifty cocks a day and he whimpered for more.”

Bucky looks disgusted. “Are you… serious?” Steve doesn’t think that was what Bucky was going to say. The alpha seems very uncomfortable, but Steve has no idea what Bucky might have said, so he answers the question and assumes it’s literal.

“Yes.”

“That’s…awful.”

“He was very happy.”

Bucky scoffs. “Cause he wanted it and was a _prostitute_? If that omega were alive now, he’d be helped.”

“He didn’t need help. He needed cock. That’s what all omegas need. And male omegas, especially.”

Bucky is washing himself now. Soaping his hands and arms, brow furrowed. Steve gets soap, copies him. “We work with omega women as well here. You are not allowed to touch them or proposition them.”

“I won’t.” Steve can promise that very easily.

“They’re not whores or sluts. They’re not prostitutes. They’re people. If you were in the field and you or your omega was overwhelmed, you take care of each other. That’s why you’re paired up. But, the omega calls the shots. They consent for sex. You’d know each other beforehand.”

In Steve’s time, there were omega women in tents, for the alphas to visit. Betas too, but one had to pay them more. Steve never used them, but alphas visited the omegas a lot in general. Fighting and fucking are closely linked. Alphas get unsettled. They come, and all that strength and anger fills up a soft omega’s mouth or cunt, and everyone is happier for it.

Apparently, Brock is lucky enough that he gets to get his ass filled, too. They take time to satisfy him so he can be part of the team. Steve very rarely left the whorehouse in those last years before the serum. Couldn’t be too far away, didn’t even want to. Everything he needed came to him… and in him. “How often do you fuck him?”

Bucky looks at Steve and then looks away from him. “I’m sorry, can we start over or something? This is just… it’s so bizarre. Maybe this is my fault.” Bucky doesn’t actually think that, he’s just trying to take the high road, make up for the bad impression. Bucky thinks Steve is fucked up. He doesn’t like Steve. Bucky doesn’t say it but Steve has good instincts. He’s observant and he knows alphas. Is it disappointing for Bucky to find out a hero is not only human but someone he finds distasteful?

Bucky is about to turn the water off. Steve smells alpha come from one of the other men. “Alphas still jerk off in the shower at least.”

“Yeah, usually.” Bucky’s smile is tight. His cock isn’t hard. It isn’t even interested. Steve’s cock is half hard, which is something. He can come. He _wants_ to. And he wants Bucky to see it.

“Let me guess, you’re too good for that, too.” Steve lets the water hit his neck, the spot where he loved a good bite when he was being fucked full and messy. He puts his hand on his balls. It’s nice. Really nice. Steve rubs his fingers behind the sack, firm and deep, making his balls lift and his cock fill. He clenches inside. God, he hasn’t done _that_ in so long. Clench like he needs something to squeeze and milk. His legs tense. He grunts instead of thrusting, muscle memory making him want to sit down on a cock.

There’s a slapping sound, a grunt from one of the men in the other stalls. Gentle laughter. Confirmation that this isn’t a big deal. Alpha’s come often and a lot. No different than taking a piss with each other. It’s actually more weird if Bucky doesn’t join in with a friendly wank. Practically insulting.

“Thought we were starting over,” Steve says, moves his hand from his balls to the shaft of his cock, eager to get really hard and come. He wants the alpha to come too. Bucky looks Steve over, takes in his body. Not like he wants Steve sexually, more like a boxer entering the ring and sizing up his opponent.

“Yeah. Sure.” Bucky puts a hand on the wall in front of him and his other on his cock. He’s looking down. He isn’t even facing Steve. He’s here, beside Steve, but there isn’t going to be laughter and he’s not going to ask about Steve’s knot or how many times he comes before he goes soft. There won’t be friendly conversation. 

Bucky strokes himself quickly, gets hard impressively fast. Which makes Steve hard. It makes him ache. He’d always loved men who were ready to go. Took it as a compliment if they were hard and impatient, red or dark with arousal. He loved the idea of some horny alpha, all ready to unload, seeing Steve and just needing to come in him. Seeing this slutty omega and getting hard so fast Steve didn’t have to wait.

That’s the kind of alpha Bucky is. Of course. He’d bet five dollars Brock gives it up to Bucky every chance he gets. Bucky’s cock is almost fully hard now and… fuck. Steve is openly watching now. He just can’t bring himself to look away. It’s a _really_ big cock. That would have felt so good. It’s a cock one wouldn’t forget.

Maybe Brock doesn’t ride him every chance he gets. Steve knew it would be big, but it’s gotten even bigger. Swollen to its full size, it’s a thing of terrifying beauty. That’s a cock one has to work up to taking. A cock that would leave men and women limping.

Anyone but a female omega would struggle. Bucky’s gotta be patient to get that cock in. He isn’t gonna just slide into anyone, not even a female omega whore before closing time. Steve can’t really remember the last time he’d felt impaled. Like he couldn’t breathe. Like he’d be ripped in two if he struggled.

Bucky probably bites his partner on the neck. Keeps them very still and pinned in place so he can get _his_ and not have them hurt themselves. He’s the kind of alpha one has to trust.

Steve’s cock is dripping and yeah, his hole is definitely wishing for something inside it. He’s like an amputee trying to walk, forgetting he doesn’t have a leg. He doesn’t have a hole that _gives_ anymore. He’s so fucking tight now. His body isn’t built to take cock.

Even a little cock would probably tear him, his instincts not letting him relax. It’s all hypothetical, professional curiosity. The want and the interest in Bucky’s cock is academic. It’s a good meal he can smell and see but can’t taste.

Steve closes his eyes for a moment, has to look away so he doesn’t try to touch. Bucky is just so fucking big. He squeezes the base of his shaft _hard_ so he doesn’t come.

He’s gotta know if Bucky has a knot.

He wouldn’t be surprised if Bucky did. The genetic lottery of alpha cocks. Massive and a knot. Bucky adjusts his grip and Steve realizes he’s holding his own breath in anticipation. Oh. Fuck. Yeah, that’s definitely gotta be a knot. Bucky’s hand shuffles along the fat base, pinky going down and up, pressing in a little and then lifting as he accommodates the bulge of a knot. He wants to see it. He licks his lips. He might ask. He might even get down on his knees and use his mouth to get that knot to pop.

“Fuck!” Steve gasps, as he comes. He comes a lot. And, it’s a surprise. His hips thrust, he even grinds, bumping his own knot. Shit, he hadn’t meant to come yet. He’d been so intent on looking at Bucky, at trying to see. There’s come on Bucky’s foot. Steve came on Bucky’s foot. Was trying so hard to get a look at the alpha’s cock that his dick was actually angled towards him. Which is… that’s not socially acceptable. That’s fucking insulting.

Steve hadn’t meant to do that. He’ll need to apologize he thinks, turning away, working through the last shocks of it all. The water doesn’t even wash it away. It’s just a big stripe of come on the top of the alpha’s foot. Bucky stops touching himself, turns to Steve.

“What do you want me to do here? You’re fucking unbelievable. Are you trying to start a fight?”

Steve actually wasn’t. In fact, he’s humiliated. Deeply humiliated and ashamed. He hadn’t wanted to come first. He’d wanted to watch the big alpha come, see his knot. If he’d kept it going long enough, the alpha might have popped it for Steve to see. Probably not, but a man could hope. Now he’s ruined his chance. And the alpha is so (rightfully) angry that Steve may not ever see his beautiful cock again. There’s pre-come pearling in the slit and Steve is looking at it. He feels weak and a little helpless. He hasn’t tasted come in a long time. Hasn’t had his mouth water at the very idea since the serum.

“That wasn’t…. It caught me by surprise.”

“Apologize then. Let’s see if you can actually say the fucking words,” Bucky says. It’s basically a command.

“I’m sorry,” he says, smirking. Trying to play it off. Because, it’s too late. The alpha will smell like Steve’s come. Even though it’s gone now and even if he’s got shoes and socks on, his scent will change just a little. It’s in his pores and his hormones will register it, he got spunked on by an alpha. He’s lesser now.

Everyone will know. And Steve has made such a shitty impression Bucky doesn’t think it was an accident. He won’t believe a sincere apology even though Steve wants to make it. So, he has to bluster his way through this nightmare.

“No. That’s not good enough.” Bucky practically growls it. Fuck, he smells like angry and aroused alpha. Steve is almost faint with lust. The scent of his own come, of Bucky’s natural alpha scent _finally_ coming through all the blockers, the rush of the water, Steve has no idea what’s going on. His heart is thundering, his hole is still clenching. What if he just drops to his knees and buries his face in the alpha’s groin?

Bucky steps closer, anger rumbling deep in his chest. He’s a lifeline in the confusion. Steve throws out a hand, needing to touch something and gets the alpha’s chest. He bites the inside of his cheek, wanting to whimper and drop. Steve gives ground, swaying, almost stumbling back from him.

“Better,” the alpha says, so soft and dangerous Steve can hardly hear him. Bucky’s cock drips. It looks painfully hard. Couldn’t Steve just suck him? Bucky doesn’t give Steve space, because Bucky’s an alpha.

Steve is the one who gave ground, acknowledged Bucky’s dominance and Bucky is going to take advantage of that. Bucky knocks Steve’s hand away, gets his hand on Steve’s chest, on his collarbone, inches away from outright gripping his throat. The hiss of the water is loud, somewhere it glugs down a drain.

Bucky’s waiting for some response from Steve and he has none. He looks at the alpha’s mouth. Bucky’s hand stays on Steve’s chest, keeping him against the wall with the weight of his will and personality. It’s cold against Steve’s back. When did he wind up against the wall?

Bucky’s nostrils flare as he puts a hand back on himself and begins to stroke. Bucky forces eye contact, strokes himself fast, comes easily and with barely a shudder. It isn’t for pleasure but dominance. He’s in perfect control. There’s no thrusting or _needing_ Steve. He’s proving a point.

It hits Steve in the stomach and that’s enough to break Bucky’s hold over him. Steve looks down, gasping. It’s hot, coats his skin and is in his belly button. It’s dripping into his pubic hair and onto his half-hard cock.

“Oh,” Steve says, softly. He might collapse. He thinks briefly of his daddy and he doesn’t know why.

“Oh? _Oh_? Fuck you. I don’t give a shit if you’re Captain America, I will get you to fall in fucking line, I promise you. Say you’re sorry and mean it.”

He can’t speak. His ass is empty and he needs to get this alpha to fuck him. It’s a frightening prospect. How does he do that now? His hole is so tight and it’s been so long. He will tear. He’s afraid of where it will lead. That it won’t be good. He loved cock so much. His first love. Knowing what he knows now, if he could have stayed in the whore house he would have.

On his back and on his knees and dripping with come. Ass leaking, gaping, always needing. Nice alphas, rough alphas, Steve so hungry and burning inside and that’s who he _was_. This alpha reminds him of his past and how much of himself he lost.

Steve gained freedom and fame, health and respect. But, and no one would understand, no one would believe him, but he fucking lost himself when he got the serum. He lost lust and passion and even love. The way his daddy had loved him, and the strange men had loved him and how Steve had loved himself. No one loves him now. He can’t love anyone now. Can’t show anyone love by giving himself to lonely men to find comfort in. Those were the moments where he wasn’t alone.

Bucky snarls at him, swipes his hand through the come on Steve’s stomach and smears it on Steve’s face. On his cheeks and his nose, over his lips. Steve shudders. Licks. He has to. He just has to. He’s stroking himself again, he’s going to come too, paint Bucky with it. Bucky grabs him by the shoulders, turns him to the wall.

Oh the relief. If he tears he’ll heal. Won’t it be good still? God, it probably won’t go in. Big alpha cock like that. And the knot.

Steve’s hand is frantic. He’s so hot and desperate. He’s waiting for the alpha to drag his hips back. To fuck up into him. Bend him over. Breed him. He’s got to wait for the alpha. He doesn’t think he can.

“Fuck you, Rogers. Trying to shoot another load on me? No. I don’t think so. Think you can make _me_ stink all day? Prove how big and dominant you are to everyone we meet? _No._ Come on my foot like some sneaky deviant, think I won’t push back? That I’d let you get away with the fucking _insult_ of it because of who you are?” He grabs Steve by the back of the neck.

Steve wants to kill him. He’d kill anyone else for just thinking about touching him there. “I’m on your _face_. I saw you fucking lick it. Did it taste good? You don’t _get_ to come on me, mark me up, you sly little shit. This is what you get,” he growls, and he shakes Steve a little. Steve strokes, fast and desperate. He couldn’t stop now for anything. “Do it. Shoot onto that wall. Waste that spunk. Do it cause I’ve told you to.”

“Knot?” he asks, begs. He needs it inside him.

Bucky laughs. It’s mean. Oh god, his daddy is mean. Steve’s head goes back, wants to tilt to the side and offer his neck. “Yeah, Steve. I do have a fucking knot. Are you jealous, is that it? I saw you looking. Staring at my big old cock, saw you deciding you were gonna prove you have a bigger dick than me. Measuring and comparing like we’re fucking children. Does it make you mad that my dick is bigger than yours?”

“Shit,” Steve says, very quietly. Because his balls are so heavy and he’s desperate to unload and come. He’s shaking with the need, so close. He tries to lick up the cream at the corner of his mouth. “Go ahead, Steve. Offer me that spunk.” Bucky crowds in close and points at the wall, presses his finger to a specific spot on the tile. He growls the words in Steve’s ear. “Right fucking _here_. You come where and when I fucking tell you to.”

Steve comes. He has to. That’s what Bucky told him to do. He comes and comes, lets his hips fuck his fist a few times, which means the head of his dick kisses the wall, right where Bucky told him to come. He’s still spurting as he wipes the head over the exact spot, obeying. He feels fucked out and stupid. He needs to turn and get cuddled. Could he try to sit on Bucky’s cock now? He thinks he’s more relaxed after two orgasms, bets he can get a few fingers into his hole if he really tries. Daddy had used drugs to help him. Can they do that?

He wishes he could get slick and swollen, just ease open and suck that big dick inside like he used to. He can’t do that now. He’d never be able to get Bucky inside him, he knows that, but…. How does he just _accept_ that he’ll never have it?

“Good.” Bucky turns him back around. “You stopped being an asshole there at the end. Let’s take that as a win, huh?”

Steve blinks. He wants this alpha to be happy with him and if he can’t take his cock, he isn’t sure how to make that happen. “Hey. Steve. We’re good now. Understand?”Steve has to think about the question for a moment. Does he understand that everything is okay now? That’s he’s no longer in the past? That he hasn’t been an omega in years? Maybe. Sort of. In some ways, that part of his past is just so close right now, so much better than who he now is. If he closes his eyes, it’s quiet because the water stopped. It smells like alpha and come. Bucky smells fucking amazing and Steve’s hole is throbbing in hunger. There’s still a hint of bitterness on his tongue and the heat of Bucky’s body is kind of like daddy’s fireplace. 

“I know where I am,” he says, blinking. That makes Bucky get a bit closer to him, peer at his eyes, look worried for Steve.

“That’s not what I asked you, pal. Let’s get you out of here. It’s been a big day.”

Bucky gets soap on his hands, orders Steve to close his eyes and then he washes Steve’s face. His fingers are big and strong, almost rough but he’s so gentle as he gets the come off and soaps him clean. He’s still going to smell like come, his scent will change for a day or two and that’s… lovely. 

Steve stands there while the alpha tends to him. He feels like a child, tries to drift and dwell in the past and how it felt. When daddy sometimes cleaned him up or threw a blanket on him. When daddy gave him food or medicine or something to drink. When daddy took his clothes off. _Before_. From all those years and cocks ago.

But, all he can see and feel and smell is _this_ alpha. Could he do something so Bucky would tell him he’d been good? How can he earn a dollar from this daddy? He needs the dollar. That’s a rule. And he needs to earn it. It has to be fair or he doesn’t get anything. It has to be _right. _Exactly what daddy wants or else. And when he does it just right and he gets the money… Steve earned it. He was good.

Steve gets cleaned of alpha come. Bucky directs him under the water, gets his face rinsed off, his chest too. Steve stands there stupidly. Hands with soap are on his stomach and washing him. It’s so good. And then there are soapy fingers in his pubic hair, stroking just above his cock, trying to get all that alpha spunk out of his thicket of hair. When he’d been an omega he hadn’t had hair anywhere. He’d been so lovely. This alpha would have eaten him alive just like all the rest.

Steve had been irresistible. Bucky’s cock isn’t as hard anymore but if he were still an omega he knows Bucky would have taken one look at him, at how soaked he got, how full of come he was and he would have been next in line. Steve would have cried on the alpha’s knot. Wept, maybe even _struggled, _just to make it worse and get this big alpha to pin him down.

Hell, Bucky could have been a breaker back in the day. The alpha doesn’t touch Steve’s cock, though. He lets water rush over Steve’s groin. Can’t Steve turn and cuddle now? Can he call Bucky daddy and get toweled dry? And then the alpha could fuck him over and over again. A lost weekend. A hard breeding. How long until he cries at the slightest clench? Until he wants to beg his daddy to not move and just let Steve do it?

Those are the moments of his life that are still the most vivid. When he was younger and he’d just given daddy his ass, and daddy would be hard, but Steve would be so sore and crying at having to take it again. He’d offer his mouth and daddy would say no. He was always apologetic about it. It was just that Steve’s ass was unparalleled.

And he might give Steve a moment to compose himself, to work up the courage or stroke himself to hardness so he’d enjoy it like his daddy wanted. Then his daddy would get inside him, he’d hear him moan in his ear, the satisfaction of taking that cock despite his body’s wishes, was always enough to make Steve come. He’d gush slick everywhere. His daddy would tell him that Steve was a good little slut and hadn’t he told Steve he’d like it? He was almost always right.

Bucky will be his new daddy and Steve’ll do the same thing for him. He’ll….

No, he won’t. He isn’t an omega anymore. Bucky turns off their showers and Steve opens his eyes. Bucky flinches at whatever expression is on Steve’s face. Steve pulls himself together, shutters it all away, closes it down tight as Bucky gives him a once over. “Do we understand each other now?”

He nods. It’s good enough. Bucky turns his back on him and leads them out. Bucky leads him to the lockers, grabs a towel on the way past. He doesn’t speak to Steve and that’s okay.

“Let’s leave the building for a minute. Get coffee and we’ll hit the range. Fresh air will be good for you.” They leave the building. People are everywhere. Cars are everywhere, everyone dresses like a slob, they all need haircuts. The cappuccino Bucky gets him is good, though. It isn’t until he has the drink that he’s fully back to himself.

Bucky’s positioning has changed. His demeanor and how he treats Steve are all different now. It’s subtle, but he’s not careful of Steve’s space. He gets in it and expects Steve to accept it. Like Steve isn’t an alpha. Bucky puts himself in position so that the most likely threat comes at him first. He orders for Steve, hands it to him, leads him everywhere, little assumptions that he can make decisions and Steve will accept them. Not equals. Bucky must have touched him half a dozen times before Steve notices. A hand on his shoulder, his arm and his wrist. Bucky touches his hand, even had the gall to run fingers down his back as they went inside the coffee shop.

He tries it when they’re leaving, a hand on Steve’s lower back and Steve jerks away. “Get the fuck off me.”

“Ah. You’re better.” Bucky gives him a large, fake smile. He’s still gorgeous, the prick.The touches stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IDK, but I think this is one of the best chapters I've written in a long time. 
> 
> Unlike Steve, I'll take comments over a dollar any day of the week ;)


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky takes him to the shooting range. He doesn’t seem very happy about it. “I’m not sure you need to be reacquainted with guns quite so quickly, but I just take orders and some asshat thinks it’s a good idea.”

Steve grunts. The halls are narrow. It smells heavily of gunpowder and adrenaline, arousal because using guns seems to make some people’s scents flair. And there isn’t enough new air to mask it. It’s too warm. A young woman approaches him with something to cover his ears and block out the sound. She tries to touch him, her nipples pebbled, licking her lips as she tries to put the thing on his head. She’s another omega.

He can’t shove her away. He knows better than that. He can’t take a step back, that’s weak. He looks for Bucky. Bucky who is not by his side. Bucky who is several feet away watching him. It’s a test.

“N-no,” he says, and she freezes. “Don’t touch me.”

Her shoulders hunch like she’s been beaten. Bucky moves in behind her, puts hands on her upper arms for a gentle, reassuring squeeze. “Sargent?” she asks, leaning into Bucky and then pulling away.

“I’ll take them. Thank you, Gayle.”

“Ifyou need anything, let me know?” she says, not even looking back to Steve. Which is good because Steve doesn’t have it in him to smile or whatever Bucky undoubtedly wants.

“Always do,” Bucky says.

Steve rolls his eyes. It isn’t that Bucky’s comment is particularly suggestive. And, Bucky doesn’t leer or look at the omega’s tits, doesn’t look at her ass or try to scent her. It’s really just that she’s a pretty little omega who smells like something Steve should like and Bucky definitely _must_ like and it’s annoying.

Bucky is going to fuck her. Likely, he already has. She’s going to get that big old knot and a sloppy, sore cunt. 

Bucky hands him the headphones and Steve holds onto them while they get guns and go to a quiet area. Through a different door and to a private range for officers. Bucky starts explaining the guns. Not a lot has changed. Steve tells him so. “It’s standard procedure. I’m almost done.”

And then Bucky watches Steve shoot at the target. He’s not good at shooting. Not like the shield or fighting. When it’s instinct he’s perfect. When it’s planned and requires concentration he’s off a bit.

“Your form is very good,” Bucky says, and there’s a touch to his elbow. “Relax here,” he says, tapping Steve at his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. Steve puts his arm down. Sets down the weapon.

“You’re just _touching_ me. It’s an excuse. You do it over and over again.”

“I’m doing my job. Let me get an instructor then. Can you tolerate an omega touching you?”

Steve hates how perceptive the alpha is. “Of course I _can_. I just don’t want to fuck some needy slut while I’m at work.” He’s saying that to piss Bucky off. It works.

“We _just_ fucking went over this. Don’t call on omega anything besides their name or their rank. That’s it. Do you understand?”

Steve swallows back a response. Bucky presses a button on the wall. He can tell the alpha is pissed at him. The door opens and the omega from before comes out. “Shoot the target, Steve. Can you check his form. Adjust where necessary.”

Steve hates him. How dare Bucky.Who does he think he is? He’s just trying to humiliate Steve and expose him. After the serum, he was supposed to sell war bonds, tour with all those pretty women who were soft and sweet and who wanted to touch him all over.

That didn’t work well. He’d snarled at them all, been such a dick that everyone left him alone pretty damned quickly. Everyone on tour knew not to touch him. And on the front lines it didn’t matter. It was combat, it wasn’t sex. It was beta men or alpha men and he had his own tent and his own space, could go on his own missions. He chose the people he could stand to be around, and with the exception of having to talk to Agent Carter (an omega who was always trying to touch him) or the brass, he made sure his comfort levels weren’t compromised.

But, this is a different world, and all those people who left him alone or just didn’t notice are dead. Now he’s stuck with Bucky and these people. And Bucky apparently has Steve’s number because the touches are going to keep coming. Bucky is going to let others touch him. All of them will wear him down. To what purpose?

And that makes him furious in a way he doesn’t think he can tamp down. He’s going to lash out at Bucky or one of these omegas and then what? 

Steve raises the gun. His hand is shaking a little. He feels it, but thinks it isn’t noticeable. His guts turn to water as she gets close. Her breasts brush his back and he flinches. Her hand touches his forearm, is going to touch his wrist. He looks to Bucky. He can’t even hear her. She’s talking. He can’t mount her. How is he going to get hard?

“I think we’re late. Gayle, I didn’t look at the time. I’m sorry,” Bucky says and he’s actually reaching for Steve with one hand and pushing her back with the other. He vaguely registers that Bucky is helping him save face.

She lets go of Steve and Bucky is between them. The gun is nicely weighted and shiny in Steve’s hand. “Put it down,” Bucky orders.

Steve sets it down. Takes a breath and swallows bile. He _can_ do this. It just isn’t a big deal. He has no idea why he’s reacting this way but it’s ridiculous and he’s going to stop now. He’s going to do better. Resolved, he reaches to pick it up again and Bucky’s hand covers the weapon first. “I don’t think so. Come on now. Lunch time.”

Shouldn’t he argue and prove he can? “Let’s eat. You and me. Don’t think about the guns. Or the omegas. Just us.”

Is that any easier? They go to the cafeteria. “What’s your job? Why are you guiding me around?”

“Someone was going to get the honor. Unpredictable alphas usually get paired with omegas. It should have been Rumlow. But, you don’t like Rumlow. Since I was there while you were defrosting and you were able to tolerate me close, they figured I’d do.” The silence is rather deafening. Steve doesn’t answer the unspoken question that Bucky must be desperate to ask. What the fuck is wrong with Steve that he can’t stand omegas and has already submitted to Bucky? He doesn’t have an answer. “So, yeah, I’m your welcome wagon.”

“What if I want someone different?”

“I don’t know, what if you do?” Bucky sounds tired all the sudden.

Steve shakes his head. “I have nowhere to go. I know no one. They haven’t even worked out if I get a pension or not. If I do get one, they don’t know what it will be. I don’t have ID yet… I have no skills. I could fight. War put me to use. But, that’s over. SHIELD wants me, is trying to give me everything I need, including a babysitter, and I keep thinking, why? What the fuck is the point of it all? Why didn’t I _die_? Who the fuck gets frozen for 70 years and walks it off? What do I do now?”

Bucky raises his hand, like he’s going to touch Steve. But Steve just told him off and his hand drops. “Is there something else you want to do? I’ll help you figure something else out.”

“I had some vague idea I might go to art school. When I was real young. But, what the hell do I do with that? What would happen if I walked out the door? Would you stop me?”

One corner of his mouth quirks up into a smile. “I appreciate you thinking I might be able to. Let’s look at art schools then. Everyone needs something to hope for. Some reason to live for. If you don’t have one, let’s find you one.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Well, no, but it isn’t likely to materialize on the gun range, either. A family. Kids? Wife? Career? Helping people? Having good friends? Travel? There’s got to be something you want, just give it a bit of time to reveal itself. You’ve got a lot of emotional… crap to wade through and process. Be nicer to yourself.”

They go to the cafeteria and Steve thinks about what Bucky said. He’s always had a purpose. Survive. Get cock. Win a war. Each of those are crossed off now. He can’t fucking die. He only likes to get fucked rather than do the fucking, and as an alpha, his body isn’t receptive and neither are his instincts. And there’s no war. He’s obsolete.

He thinks they must have gone the long way, Bucky giving Steve a bit of time before dealing with the lunch line. Who can’t handle a lunch line?

The line is crowded. They get in it. Steve knows how to do this. He’s done this so many times. Line up for lunch. Shuffle along. Joke and get bumped. The guy next to him is a beta. He doesn’t talk to Steve. He’s careful to maintain distance. He blushes, aware of who’s next to him but not saying anything.

Good. It’s better when people just leave him be, awed by him. “So, the pasta is always good. The cook is from Italy. So, if in doubt, always go pasta,” Bucky says. “They can put a steak or some salmon on top if you want. You can ask for double meat. I imagine keeping your caloric intake up is extra difficult. Not just an alpha but a super soldier. The milkshakes are amazing. They’ll make them with whipping cream if you want. Default is whole milk. It’s an easy way to get almost a thousand calories. You can get espresso in it or protein powder, too. I do peanut butter or almond butter if I can get away with it, because I fucking hate protein powder. But, a lot of alphas don’t mind the flavor. I hear mint cookie is alright.” 

Steve just nods.

“The kale salad is actually good.”

“What’s kale?” Steve asks.

“Exactly. I guess you can think of it as super soldier lettuce. Or a fad. Your call.” The beta bumps him, reaching for a piece of cake and Steve goes sideways, pressing into Bucky. He tries to be sly about it, looking over his shoulder when he’s actually trying to scent Bucky. It calms him. He wishes he could put his nose against the alpha’s neck. God, wishes he could go to the floor and get his nose into Bucky’s groin. He shivers. Tries to focus on the want instead of the stress of the beta next to him.

But, then his mouth starts to water and the fact that Bucky is never going to let him do that hits him hard and he pushes that thought away too. “I think I should go to medical after this.” This isn’t right. He’s never felt like this.

“We can do that. Do you need to go now? We can come back.”

“No. I’m okay.” He’s not okay. But, he’s also hungry and so is Bucky. He’s already got pasta and a milkshake and the salad on his tray. He can’t let it go to waste. And it’s not necessarily a problem he can even articulate. _I’m a former omega who’s now an alpha, having thoughts of getting fucked by another alpha, and I’d like to call him daddy. _Well. So he can articulate it. Doesn’t mean he wants to. The whole thing is mortifying. What would a medical professional do with that? What kind of treatment is even available? And getting fucked is one can of worms but daddy is another.

“You want to eat outside?”

“Yes, please.”

Bucky takes them outside. It’s less crowded and a lot quieter. The fresh air helps, too. Bucky takes a bite of pasta and moans. “Tell me the truth, Rogers. Better than Italy?”

Steve takes a bite of pasta. It is really good. “Unfortunately, food always tastes better when you’re not sure if it’s your last meal.”

Bucky chuckles. Steve’s shoulders slump in relief. The alpha is happy with him. He’s fed and the day is nice. For the first time since he’s woken up, he thinks maybe he can do this. Bucky is watching him. He’s a perceptive bastard. Steve tries to put the mask back on, feel like an alpha instead of lost and dazed.

“You’re okay. Relax. Let’s have lunch. No one is gonna bother you. I won’t let anyone talk to you or get close.”

He can’t say anything. He makes himself eat. It has no flavor. They’re quiet for a bit. A few people look at them. He can practically feel Bucky glowering at them to stay away. “Are you a daddy?” Steve asks him.

“Nope. No kids, not mated.”

“Oh.” That wasn’t what he meant. But, that’s good information. That’s the kind of thing he should ask more of. “Why not?”

Bucky shrugs. “Busy. I haven’t met the right person.” He doesn’t seem all that concerned. He isn’t defensive, either, so that’s nice. “Steve. We’ll go to medical, but a lot of the nurses are omegas. I can stay with you. I think if you don’t say anything offensive they’ll understand you’re mourning.”

“What?”

“Wasn’t Peggy Carter an omega? She’s still alive. You probably know that. You can go see her. If you don’t want to go on your own I can take you. Up to you, of course.”

Peggy isn’t something he can explain. Steve drinks the milkshake. He thinks it might be better if he just says nothing. Mourning. Bucky’s decided _that’s_ the reason he doesn’t want to be touched by omegas? They remind him of … Peggy. Sure. He can do that. He nods.

It’s so weird and unnatural for him to dislike being touched that Bucky assumes there’s a reason stopping him from being a normal alpha. From behaving like Bucky. Everyone likes Bucky. Can he copy him?

Bucky waits for him to look up. “Steve. Are you averse to touch because you’re mourning her loss?”

Fuck him for asking it so specifically. Trying to catch Steve in a lie. Did he set it up, want Steve to walk into that so he could see if he was lying? “Why is my private life your business? Actually, it isn’t. Fuck you. What are your parameters for babysitting me. _Exactly_?”

“Christ.” Bucky murmurs under his breath. “It isn’t. You’re right.” Bucky doesn’t apologize. The alpha in him bristles.

“I’m not your fucking bitch just because you marked me up like a slut in heat.”

Bucky has the fork halfway to his mouth. He sets it back down again. His gaze is cold. “We _just_ did this. Are you serious?”

The thing is, Steve has no idea why he’s saying what he is. Why he’s behaving this way. The walls feel like they’re closing in on him. He shoves away from the table. He punches the wall as he walks by. The whole thing cracks. Conversation stops. People stare at him. Bucky is on his feet.

“I know every single one of you out here. He’s a fucking national _hero_ who’s been through a lot. Keep your god damned mouths shut or I’ll find you.”

There’s a chorus of ‘yes sergeant.’ Steve goes into the cafeteria. Loud. Too loud. He isn’t sure where to go or what to do now. There’s a door that says exit. He came in that way. He could go there. And then Bucky is next to him. Bucky isn’t touching him, Steve’s an alpha who’s unstable so it isn’t safe, but Steve is aware enough to know he’s being guided to a room.

“What are you going to do if I take you to medical and an omega touches you?”

He doesn’t know. Nothing good.


	7. Chapter 7

“When’s the last time you had sex?” It’s a perfectly normal question. Steve is an alpha and most alphas, even unmated ones have sex once or twice a week. Omegas and alphas need that from each other, it makes them feel good and if Steve were a normal alpha Bucky would be on the phone calling an omega to come and ‘help’ Steve out. But, Steve isn’t a normal alpha and so the question is a harbinger of doom.

“Decades,” he says. Bucky ignores that.

“Steve. Do you _ever_ have sex with omegas?” he asks, sounding like he already knows the answer.

Steve stares resolutely at the wall. 

“Betas then? Male or female?”

“No.” His hand is throbbing. “No sex. Don’t want them to touch me.” There is one man he needs to touch him and Steve doesn’t even know where to start to make that happen.

“Okay. Let’s wait here for a bit. Don’t all people need touch?” he asks, and it doesn’t sound judgmental so much as uncertain.

“Probably.”

“So what do we do if you need touch but don’t like it?”

“It isn’t a problem I’ve had to deal with believe it or not.”

“How did you get your needs met in the war?”

“Didn’t need to. It’s you. There’s something wrong with you….Or me.”

“Yeah? What is it, Steve?” It’s gentle. He risks a glance at Bucky. Bucky wants to understand. Bucky is a good alpha. Probably as good as his daddy was. A tiny, traitorous part of him thinks Bucky might be a better alpha than his daddy was.

Is that true? If it is, can he reach for him and not get rejected?He collapses, to his knees and the ground. He used to go to his knees so pretty. Daddy liked the way he dropped. All the men liked it. Pretty. Like a good boy. Bucky doesn’t move towards him. He isn’t undoing his pants and pressing his cock into Steve’s mouth because Steve is an alpha now. And Steve doesn’t want those things anymore, anyway.

What bullshit. He went into the ice not wanting those things. Had a sense of relief that all of his gender issues were going to be resolved even it was permanently. It had been exhausting if he wasn’t on the front. Rejecting people had been exhausting.

“I’m… it’s a dollar.” He’d charged more once his daddy was gone. He couldn’t suck Bucky’s cock for less than a dollar. It wasn’t fair. But, maybe that would make him feel better or remind him of how much he didn’t like sex now.

“Steve, what year do you think it is?”

“What? No, I know where I am. I’m just….”

Bucky waits. “You’re not angry anymore, right? Can I hand you tissues?”

“Why?”

“You’re crying, Steve.”

He touches his face. Tears. “Fuck. I’ve never done this before. This isn’t who I am.”

“Okay. We all act out of character sometimes. Steve, if anyone gets a pass for odd behavior, it’s you. Tell me what you need from me right now and I’ll give it to you.”

Steve laughs, harshly. No one gives anyone something for free.

“Steve. It’s okay. Out of character. Whatever you currently need isn’t your normal. I get it. And I’m willing to do it if you tell me what you need.”

“Just… help me. I want to touch you.”

“Sure, pal. I’m going to touch you and you can touch me. We’ll work it out.” Bucky moves towards him, hands open, palms in front of him as if Steve is a scared animal. Steve leans closer, watching his hand get close. Steve leans forward, mouth open. It’s isn’t a cock but he moves towards Bucky’s hand like it is, gets his lips on Bucky’s wrist when it’s close. Bucky goes very still. Steve breathes and licks, sucks at Bucky’s pulse point. Good. So good.

“Okay,” Bucky says, voice rough. Steve’s eyes are closed but he reaches blindly, finds the shape of the alpha’s cock inhis pants. Bucky jerks in surprise. Steve abandons the wrist, opens hazy eyes. 

“Need it,” he says, trying to get into Bucky’s pants.

“Um. No, that’s not okay. Scenting, Steve. I consent to that. That’s all.”

Of course. Because Steve is an alpha no one wants to fuck or choke. Not anymore. All gone. Now he’s _this_. Scenting. Wrist. Maybe Bucky’s neck. Fuck that. If Bucky knew how _good_ Steve was at this, he’d change his mind. His hands shake too much to get Bucky’s pants open and Steve jerks hard, the pants ripping at the zipper.

“Dammit!” Bucky growls, gets a hand into Steve’s hair, dragging his head back so Steve goes limp and tears come to his eyes. “You going to hurt me?”

“No.”

“Get up. We’re going to medical.” Bucky lets him go. He stands next to the door. He’s fiddling with the buckle, trying to cover up the fact that his pants are ripped and the zipper isbroken. Steve gets to his feet.

“Wipe your face.”

He nods. Obeys. Bucky’s cheeks are flushed, he’s frowning. “Let’s go.” He leads Steve through the cafeteria, to the elevator and to medical. “What are you going to do if someone tries to touch you? Can you handle it or not?”

“Just you.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything. “Who’s available to examine the Captain?” he asks, when they walk in. “And he needs a private room. No one touch him.” A nurse, omega and female leads the way to an examination room. Steve goes inside. Bucky doesn’t go with him. He loiters in the doorway, keeping it open.

Bucky touches the nurse on the arm. It’s easy. Not a big deal. She doesn’t flinch or seem to take anything from it. “This is an emergency. Psychiatric. Unless someone is bleeding out on the fucking table back there, we need a doctor.”

She leaves, jogging. Bucky turns to look back at him. “What is it? What am I missing?”

He doesn’t understand the question.

“Steve, you said just me. Can I touch you?”

“Yes.”

“If I… _Steve_. I’m an alpha and I’m used to helping people. So, if you feel like I’m making you uncomfortable or triggering your alpha instincts tell me so I can back off.”

“I don’t have any alpha instincts,” he says, and Bucky steps close to him, close enough for Steve to lean against and breathe in. “You could sell this. You smell so good. I don’t know if I’m hard or tired. Wet.”

Bucky is very still, lets Steve scent him. Steve puts a hand on his own chest and it’s more pleasurable than it should be. He makes a sound. Gets the other hand on his cock, wanting to open his pants.

“Steve, the doctor is coming. Hands up. Stop touching yourself.” The doctor knocks on the door and comes into the room. A beta male. No knot. Steve doesn’t think he can suck his cock. He doesn’t know how to refuse, though. And he’ll like it once he gets a taste. That’s what happens. The beta’s scent hits him and he gags. He can’t get on his knees for him. The idea is repulsive. Bucky is in front of him. “Steve. Can you hear me?”

“What? Yes. I don’t want him to touch me. I’m sorry.”

“I know. He won’t touch you. Can we get blood? I can do it, I’ve got training. Just me. We’re safe here. Me and you.”

He nods. Yeah. For daddy. Anything. He pushes the sleeve of his shirt up and sits in the chair furthest from the doctor. His daddy is blocking him from the beta. The beta’s cock isn’t hard. Good. The beta is speaking carefully, telling Bucky which drawers to open. Bucky washes his hands, puts on gloves, swabs Steve’s arm and frowns.

He grabs the stool withhis foot, sits down and that means he isn’t looming anymore. He’d thought there was a hint of cock scent. Of alpha come. Of Bucky aroused and dripping in his pants. He looks. Bucky’s hard. That’s good. Bucky takes blood.

“Don’t need the drugs. I’m good.” Bucky gives him a weird look.

“It isn’t drugs, Steve. We’re taking blood to make sure you’re okay. Steve. The serum turned you into an alpha, right?”

“Yes.”

“What were you before?” he asks, softly.

He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t lie to Bucky but he can’t tell anyone he wasn’t a beta. So he has to say nothing. Three vials of blood and then he’s taping over a cotton ball. He takes them to the doctor and the door closes, leaving them together. “Can’t I…. I have the best mouth.”

“Steve. No.”

He sobs. Rejected. 

There’s a knock on the door. Bucky practically leaps towards it. “We need another fifteen minutes or so. Does he need a sedative? Are you in danger?”

“No, I don’t think so. It’s almost like a break with reality. Or, I don’t even know. He won’t hurt me. If anything… it’s difficult to not… _react_.”

“Don’t punch Captain America.”

“No. He’s registering as an omega. I know he isn’t. He smells like an alpha. He looks like an alpha. He’s a _fucking_ alpha.” He practically snarls. “But, I’m almost positive he needs to be settled. Like he’s high needs or something.”

“Rogers was a beta before he was an alpha.”

“Maybe….Who’s here? Phil? Natasha?” Bucky pulls his phone out of his pocket. Steve can hear the ringing. He hears someone answer.

“Romanoff.” It’s a woman. That’s all she says.

“Where are you?”

“Peru.”

“That’s not helpful,” Bucky mutters.

“Is it Clint?”

“No. He’s fine. I’ve got an alpha, very dominant and potentially aggressive. Rejects all overtures from omegas and betas. Friendly or sexual.”

“Gender?” 

“Makes no difference. I’d guess a preference for men but not enough to overcome his distaste. There’s a physical revulsion to the very idea. And…. Old fashioned views.”

“I’d heard you were babysitting Rogers. He’s built like a truck isn’t he? Hot?”

“I’m trapped in medical. Doctors can’t get near him. Only… um… me. He… I’m telling you, he’s not reacting right.”

“Can you touch him?”

“Me? Yes. Any other alpha? Don’t think so.He’s had a pretty limited exposure to people since he woke up, but it’s not good.”

“I can’t imagine there aren’t offers for sex.”

“Oh, there are offers if he wants them. He doesn’t.”

“PTSD? Severely traumatized alphas sometimes need help mounting.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. I don’t think I could get an omega near him. Seriously, he would lash out. He had no sexual interest or urges… except, well, for me.”

“Huh.” She sounds rather calm about it. And, not jealous. Will he meet her at some point?

“I’ve taken blood. The doctor can’t even get near him to do that. My instincts tell me he’s an omega. With high sexual needs. I feel like I’m watching a car crash and not pushing the pause button. I know it’s crazy. But, he doesn’t need _this_, he needs _me_ and that’s clearly insane.”

“Well. There is no way would they have let a male omega with high needs become a super soldier. And that couldn’t have been hidden. He was in barracks. There were tests. They would have known. If you try to treat him like an omega, he’ll likely kill you. That’s instinct. How are you in all of this? You’re trapped in medical? What does that mean? Do you respond to him?”

“He challenged me in the shower. Jerked off and came on my foot to disrespect me.”

She snorts. “What did you do?”

“Fuck. What a nightmare. I pushed him against the wall and came on his stomach and cock.”

“Did he retaliate?”

“Yeah, he wanted to come on me but I made him spill on the wall.”

“Wasted seed. Okay. So, he’s submitted to you. How was he after that?” she asks.

“Docile. Calm. Which didn’t last all that long. But, even then… it’s almost like he’s two different people. Or, he gets confused or something. I think exposure to people knocked him out of being calm. He let me touch him, was biddable and almost too easy going after I marked him up. But, once that was gone, he went right back to being a jerk. Everything is a fucking pissing content. If he wasn’t who he is, if this was elsewhere, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Sounds like you have an idea of what you’d do. What is it?” she asks, sounding a little like they’re gossiping. She sounds amused. Bucky is pacing and his cheeks are flushed. He won’t even look at Steve. Steve feels… he has no idea. At this exact moment, secure in a room with Bucky, private, he’s fine. This is excessive.

“He acts like… he’s like a baby alpha who just came into his gender and wants to fuck and piss all over everyone and needs to get slammed into next week. Except, he has no desire to fuck.”

She’s quiet for a moment. Steve hears a gunshot over the phone. “I’m gonna have to go in a second. What are his numbers?”

“We’re waiting on them.”

“Brutal. Well, for normal alphas, with the amount of trauma he has, I’d say put him in a room with an omega or two and let him come it out. Assuming his numbers come back high, get him a shell to rut into. That’s what we do for unsafe alphas and lashing out to touch counts. Use a stimulant if you have to.”

“That’s… I trust your opinion. I’ll do it. But, I don’t think that’s going to go well.” No, that isn’t going to go well, Steve thinks.

“Plan B. Pretend he’s a no one and you don’t know what he is. What would you do? Instincts.”

“He’s not… He isn’t an omega.”

“No, but he’s submitted to you and it’s what you want to do to him, right? You wouldn’t be all worked up about it if you didn’t want to treat him like a high needs omega. So, if he _was_ a high needs omega then you alpha the fuck out of him until he rolls over and calls you daddy.”

Bucky cuts Steve a look. “Daddy,” he repeats, and Steve can see him trying to put it all together.

“He’s old school. That’s what they used to say. If you need to assert dominance over him to do it, then come is good. You might even try urine. Can’t fuck him, obviously.”

“I should report it. Get someone else.”

“Who? Phil is with me. You’re a big boy and your instincts are good. Fury and I agreed you could handle him. If you don’t think he can take other people’s touch, don’t let them. Gotta go. I’ll check in when I can.”

She hangs up. Bucky is staring at his phone like it might ring. It doesn’t. “You could hear all that, right?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I don’t want anyone else.” That’s the most important thing at this point. He doesn’t want Bucky to leave him. “And I’m not sure I could be trusted.” He looks at his hand, where the knuckles are still red and scabbing already. He hadn’t meant to do that.

“Okay. What is it? The lashing out and… defensiveness.”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you know that term? Daddy?”

He nods.

“Were you a daddy?”

“No.”

“What did a daddy do?”

“Whatever he wanted.”

Bucky’s eyes widen. That was apparently not the answer he expected. “Daddy’s are alphas? Always?”

“Yeah.”

“And they have… boys?”

“It’s one daddy and one boy,” he says, voice breaking. “It’s not_ bad_.” It’s perfect. It’s what Steve lost. 

The doctor knocks on the door and Bucky jolts in surprise. He’s twitchy. His cock is still hard. It takes forever for it to go down if one doesn’t come. It’s easier to just jerk off and move on. Bucky adjusts himself before going to the door and Steve stares at it hungrily. “Please, let me suck your cock.”

“Look at me. Do you want my cock, Steve?” Steve is an alpha now. The answer is supposed to be no. “Did you suck cock before the serum?”

“Yes.”

“Steve… were _you_ a… _slut_ for it?” It isn’t said in a sexy way or even in a derogatory way. He’s asking, trying to figure Steve out, using his own words.

“There was never enough.”

Bucky opens the door, talks to the doctor quietly. Steve ignores that. He’s looking at the alpha’s ass and he touches his tits. They feel good. Heavy. And touching his nipples is just about as good as touching his cock. After he’d been broken and really settled into his gender he could only come from a cock in his ass and sometimes from rough tit play if there was a cock in his mouth and he was _really_ worked up.

He could do it for daddy. 

“I’ll take him to my quarters or his. Mine if he can tolerate it. We need a shell and a stimulant.”

“Your quarters aren’t close. If something goes wrong, it would be better if you were close by.”

“I think we’ll be okay.” Bucky closes the door, turns around and Steve lets his hands lower from his chest. He doesn’t want to.

“Did you like that?”

“I used to.”

“And now?”

“I don’t like anything now. Or, I didn’t. Now it feels good again. Kind of like it used to.”

“We’re going to leave here. Your levels are all fucked up. You need to come. You can do that, right?”

“Will you be there?”

“Yeah.” His voice is rough.

“Then I should be okay.”

Bucky blushes. “Right. Well. Let’s go.”

Steve gets up off the table, has to adjust the fat length of his cock. Bucky is watching so he gives it an extra stroke. Bucky turns away from him. The doctor hands Bucky two black carry bags when they leave the room. “I’ve given you an alpha and an omega bag. Both male. Just in case.”

“Great.”

They leave and somehow Steve is in Bucky’s apartment. It smells like him. He can smell omega under it. Faint. “You fuck people here.”

“I _live_ here. I’ve not lived like a monk. Your nose really that sensitive?”

Steve nods. He hates that he can scent it even though the place is clean. “You’ve fucked Rumlow.” The alpha comes in the male omega. Steve’s heart breaks. He could have taken Bucky better than anyone. His ass was made for being bred. He was always swollen and open. He leaked slick constantly. When his old daddy fucked him, after he’d gotten Steve broken into his gender, he said there was a spongy bit where his gland had been. That it was raised and rubbed over his cock, just hitting his knot, triggering it. His daddy had a little knot. Like a little bulge.

Later, Steve had bigger knots and they’d said the same thing. They knotted fast inside Steve. They were shocked by that bit of him, how sweetly it stroked them. They always came back. Wanted to be in his ass.

He can’t do that now. He’ll never get a daddy again. It was fine before Bucky showed up. He didn’t want it. Didn’t feel anything but revulsion. He’d jerk off and he’d come in his sleep. But, sometime the lack of touch got too bad.

Every now and again he’d fuck an omega but they’d yowl and moan and he’d get so twisted about and confused. _He_ was supposed to get the cocks. _He _was supposed to leak slick and bounce. And they didn’t ever cry. He couldn’t make himself hurt them. He didn’t do it right. Or at least not like he would have wanted it. No omega had ever asked him to be rougher, but didn’t they like that? Steve knew it was a compliment. The rougher his daddy was, the more he needed Steve. Steve was never rough because he didn’t care enough. He’d felt guilty.

Bucky unzips the bag. Pulls out an ass. It’s literally an ass. Bucky splits the cheeks, finger sliding down the crack to check the hole. “Fuck,” Steve whispers.

The alpha’s blue eyes are sharp. “Which part do you like? That there’s a hole to fuck or me touching it?”

Steve stares at him. He drops his gaze like a good omega should.

Bucky sighs, adjusts himself again, and then puts slick inside the shell, gets it all oiled up and wet. “Do you want me to stay or go?”

“Stay.” Bucky nods. Like it isn’t a big deal.

“Take your clothes off. You’ll make a mess soon.”

Steve takes his clothes off. Bucky eyes him. “Get hard and fuck it.”

The last thing he wants is to fuck it. Where does Bucky fuck his omegas? Steve wonders what he would have done if he’d met Bucky when he was an omega. He thinks of fateful moments of his life- when he gave up his ass his daddy. When he moved to the whore house. He might have left the whore house for Bucky. Followed him out. He doesn’t know how that would have worked.

He wasn’t satisfied by one person after he was broken. Arguably, he hadn’t been satisfied by one person for a long time before that, but once he’d been broken, it had been a struggle to get him through the day. His daddy had complained. He’d had his work cut out for him. And he hadn’t liked sharing Steve.

Sure, he’d shared him on the night he broke him, but that was to get Steve’s needs set high. So he’d be a cock slut for his daddy. Take him every night even if he got sore. His daddy had liked to hurt him. A lot. And he’d liked Steve to like being hurt. That was all his daddy had really wanted. Having Steve come to him filled with come leaking out of his ass didn’t make his daddy happy. Daddy got rougher after the breaking. Furious with Steve for needing so much cock.

And when Steve had tried to find out who the breaker had been, who’d pierced his gland, the barbed alpha, his daddy had hit him. What kind of a filthy come slut wanted a barbed alpha to fuck him? His daddy had wanted him to be a good boy. His daddy had stopped paying him. Too sloppy by the time Steve got to him. Too used up.

It wasn’t fair.

“Steve?” Bucky asks him, and he’s standing close. He touches Steve’s cheek. More tears. He wishes he was an omega and he could be a greedy come slut for this man and call him daddy. He wishes Bucky would give him a dollar and call him a good boy. “Can you get hard, Steve?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m going to put stimulant on you, okay?”

“I used to swallow it. My daddy gave it to me.”

Bucky frowns. Flashes a fake smile at Steve. “It’s okay.”

Lie.

“Should I let you put it on yourself?”

“No. I don’t want to touch it.”_ It_ isn’t his. This big alpha cock that’s ruined his life and means he won’t ever get this man to be his daddy.

Bucky has something on his hands now. “I’m going to touch you. Is that okay?”

“Why do you keep asking me?” The expression on Bucky’s face makes it seem like he doesn’t even understand the question. As if Steve is the one who is in the wrong. “You’re an alpha. You should take. And you _do_. You’re always touching everyone.”

“Not sexually. You can’t just walk around and sexually touch people. And I don’t touch strangers or people who don’t welcome my touch. It’s something I pay attention to. It’s important to me. I’m sorry it’s annoying.”

“I don’t know if it’s _annoying_ and I understand that it’s good to ask. I don’t like people touching me but you’re different. I don’t know why, it’s clearly fucking with my head. But,because it’s _you_ I wish you would stop asking me.”

“Okay. Thank you for telling me. I like you talking to me and being honest with me.” Bucky touches Steve’s balls, fingers coated in cool cream. He smears it in gently, back to his perineum, rubbing softly.

“My hole is really tight.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t touch you there.” Steve isn’t sure if that’s what he meant or not. Steve rests his head on Bucky’s shoulder. Breathes him in. Bucky keeps rubbing, soft and careful, then moves back to his balls, the space where they separate. “Oh, I like that, daddy.”

“Okay.” Bucky says, but he sounds almost sad. “Doyou… you want to put your arms around me?”

He does, instantly, closing the distance. “You have to give me a little space to work, Steve.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles and shifts his hips back a little. He lifts his foot, puts it on the bed so his balls are really exposed.

“Thank you. That’s helpful, Steve.” His voice sounds strained.

“I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll try, at least. I was such a good boy. But, I can’t now.” Can’t get his hole open for daddy. Can’t work a knot out of Bucky with how perfect his hole is. Steve isn’t all slick inside. He’s a series of failures now. He wishes Bucky could have known him then. How good he was. How loose and hungry.

Bucky is rubbing at the other ball now, more cream soothed into the skin. Steve’s cock is getting hard. He’s filling and rising and it’s odd because he’s so sad but it’s happening anyway. His balls tingle, his perineum does too. It’s the drugs. He’s always liked the drugs. Drugs that made him frenzied and needy. His daddy had loved seeing him like that.

“Is there more? Other kinds?”

“Let’s see how you do with this. You’re getting nice and hard, Steve.”

“I like menthol.”

A long beat of silence. “That’s not something I’m familiar with. Sorry.”

“It hurts. A lot.”

Bucky presses his forehead to Steve’s. It suddenly occurs to Steve that Bucky thinks this is all some great tragedy. Bucky doesn’t understand Steve at all. “Okay, let’s get you settled, yeah?” He takes Steve towards the bed and the ass. “It’s pretty, isn’t it? And it’s warm and tight inside, Steve. You can just make yourself feel good.”

His dick is hard. His daddy wants him to fuck that, so Steve goes to the middle of the bed and lays down, gets into position and presses in. Slides his dick in. It’s soft and odd. He puts his face to the bed. Bucky’s bed. He comes, surprised.

“It’s good, huh? That’s great, Steve. Keep going.” He nods and obeys, fucks properly this time, sniffs the bed. His balls get ready to go again. He comes….. Well, he thinks he does.It’s not that it hurts, but it’s not a relief or a good orgasm. He risks a glance at Bucky. Is this right? Is this what he wants? Bucky squats down, is close to Steve’s face where he’s panting and fucking into the shell.

“You okay?”

“It’s okay.” He pulses again and grunts. Keeps fucking. It’s only a matter of minutes before he’s managed to come again. The head of his cock is a little sore from hitting the end of the toy so hard and he’d like to stop soon. But, this is what Bucky wants so he can do this.

The next orgasm just hurts. And he shouts, scrabbles to his knees, holding his balls. He goes to the bed, to his side. “Steve? What’s wrong?”

Who knows. What isn’t wrong?

“Can I look?”

He moves his hands and sees the problem at the same time Bucky does. His balls are massive. Bucky spreads the globes of the shell ass, puts a finger in. “I thought you were coming?”

“Felt like it. But, it was weak or… I don’t know what it was. Boring.”

“I don’t think there’s any semen in here at all. Can I touch you?”

“Yes, please.” He spreads his legs. Just like he would do if he was giving Bucky his hole. Which he isn’t. Fingers touch his cock, circle it. Bucky’s grip is firm, knowledgable. “Do you knot?”

“Sometimes.”

“What makes you knot?”

“I don’t know. I just wake up like that sometimes.”

“Steve. You need to answer me now. No more avoiding the answer. Were you a high needs omega?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yeah, I think at this point, lack of information is a real problem. I need you to tell me.”

“I wish you were my daddy. I keep thinking I would have been so good for you. I know you have a great big knot and I could have taken it so good, Bucky. So fucking good. You’d have loved my ass. I didn’t just get broken, I got barbed and fucked unconscious the night daddy brought me into my gender. I bet lots of omegas can’t take you, but I could have. And you wouldn’t have had to pay me very much. Not like other people. Just enough for it to be fair.”

Bucky’s hand is still on Steve’s cock, unmoving. “How long were you a prostitute?”

“Started at twelve. Maybe thirteen. It all ran together back then. I only sucked cock. Then I met my daddy and I loved him so I let him have my hole.”

“Steve, is my touch upsetting you right now?”

“No, please don’t stop touching me.”

“Can I hold you, Steve? While you tell me?”

He nods and Bucky sits beside him, waits for Steve to move in to him before he puts his arm around Steve’s waist.

He scents Bucky. “You smell incredible.”

“So do you, Steve. Can you keep telling me about before?”

It takes him a minute to figure out where to pick up. He breathes Bucky in while he thinks, practically high off of it. “I met Dr. Erskine right before I came into my gender. He could tell I was going to be a male omega. I know you have some here now and they have jobs or whatever, but back then, it wasn’t okay. It was really rare. And I had a big gland before I was broken. It was a lot of men, though. And he found a breaker and an alpha with a barb. When I woke up my gland was pierced. Pulverized, daddy said. That just meant I was always on a cock or needing cock. When daddy died, I went to a whore house and I wrote Dr. Erskine. We corresponded and then he came to New York and he’d been working on drugs for me. He’d pitied me all that time. Cause I had saved him and made an impression or something. He gave me something so I could pass as a beta. A serum to get me stable enough for the real serum.”

“Erskine knew?”

“No one else. Ever. It’s a secret. After Red Skull, he was scared to give it to a beta, flat out refused to give it to another alpha. He was trying to help me. He did. But I lost everything, too.

“What did you lose, Steve?” As if he really doesn’t know.

“I lost all the cocks. I liked it. Loved it.”

“It sounds like you did a lot of things you didn’t love, too,” he says, carefully.

Steve shrugs. “It felt good. It kept me full and warm. I slept next to daddy’s fire, naked and warm, and he’d give me drugs and food and fuck me. He always paid me, until the end and then it wasn’t… maybe I wasn’t worth paying then. I was a good boy who got paid by his daddy. And then other men paid me and were sweet to me.”

“I imagine they hurt you, though. Sometimes?” he asks, very carefully.

“Don’t you pity me,” he growls.

Bucky sucks in a breath. “I’m sorry. Okay. What do you need now? How can we take care of you?”

Steve blinks back tears. He’s naked and Bucky is still dressed. Steve has a hand on his cock, his balls are still massive and now that he’s done talking, it’s hard to not think about how uncomfortable he is.

Steve gets up, sits on his heels but close enough to touch Bucky. So he can reach out a hand and hold onto him.

He looks down between his legs. His cock is hard because of the cream and his balls are just so big and sore. It hurts a fair amount and he wants the come out, but it’s not like he hasn’t felt worse and the truth is that it’s so fucking good to feel anything after all this time of nothing. Of loss. That this feels like he gained something. He closes his eyes, lets his head drop. He wants to imagine how little he used to be. Remember it. He never did get tits as big as his daddy had hoped.

Steve was sorry about that. He’d rubbed at them, let daddy put weights on them, even things that would suck at them and still they didn’t grow past an A cup. No real bra was ever needed. But now, getting his hands on his tits, they’re really big. His daddy would have been able to fuck them like this.

“He never saw me like this. He wouldn’t have like it. I mean, obviously. But, he would have liked being able to fuck my tits.

“The things you say.” Bucky’s voice and expression are blank.

Steve can’t help but chuckle. “Oh, there wasn’t anyone filthier than me. Back in the day.”

“That wasn’t reported in the history books.”

“No, I imagine not.”

“Steven. Why do you say he _obviously_ wouldn’t have liked you?”

“Because I’m so big. I was so frail and delicate. It was easy to get me sore and bruised inside and out. To put me where he wanted me.”

“Were there things you didn’t like?”

“I don’t like fucking omegas. I don’t like fucking anyone with this stupid cock. I don’t like it when they touch me or think I’ll be okay with being touched. I’m not.”

“You let me touch you. Is that difficult?”

“No. I like it a lot. I wish you’d stop asking to touch me or looking at me you’re disgusted.”

“Steve,” he sighs. He puts a finger under Steve’s chin, tilts his head up. “Sweetheart. I’m not disgusted by you. I’m disgusted at the things that were done to you when you were a child. It scares me that you were so brutalized and don’t seem to realize it.”

He turns his head away. “My ma and I would have died without the doctor who became my daddy. I would have died if I didn’t suck dick. And I _loved_ it. It was fun. I didn’t go home and cry myself to sleep. I dreamed of more cock from the first time I got one. Horrible things happen to people all the time. Why do I have to think of it as bad? What good does it do to me to try and hate the best part of my life? How I stayed alive?”

“Okay. I’m sorry. I’m not sure I can let it go, but I’ll try.”

Steve wishes he had Bucky’s hand back on his face. He ducks his head, tilts to the side, offering the long line of his throat. He spreads his legs a little more, rubbing against the bed with a hiss at the pain. Bucky’s fingers brush against his neck and down the big line of tendon, pausing at the edge of his collarbone. He drags his finger along to the hollow of Steve’s throat.

“That’s nice,” Steve whispers, instantly lost to how good it is.

“You’re very beautiful, Steve.”

“Have you ever been with another alpha?” Steve whispers. It’s wrong. He knows the answer.

“No. It’s never even occurred to me. The idea of an alpha submitting for that seems impossible. You’ve seen how big I am. My knot gets really large and….”

“What?” It’s a whisper. His skin tingles from where Bucky touched him.

Bucky blushes. Steve knows even before he says it. He wants to scream and destroy something. It’s not fair.

“You have a barb,” he says, and thinks he can hear the universe laughing at him.

“Yeah. I don’t usually knot hard enough or long enough to barb but it’s not something a lot of people are excited about. It’s rare and a bit weird. I’ve got special condoms just in case. But, yeah. Most of the time, men are out altogether, unless they’re omegas. And, I’m very careful.”

“That sounds frustrating. Not being able to just let go. I’ve gotta tell you, you missed out, because….” He can’t finish saying it. _Before I became an alpha I would have been perfect for you_. Available for everyone, perfect for him. He’s so stupid to get caught up in this impossible fan stay. It’s too upsetting and he grieves the lost chance to feel that good again and get a barb inside him. How good he could have been for Bucky. The pleasure and satisfaction they could have given each other.

“Sweetheart, come here,” Bucky says, and Steve finds himself pressed up close again. He kisses Bucky’s neck and breathes him in.

“Could I blow you? Please? You have no idea how much I want to.”

“Steve, sweetheart.”

“Sweetheart?” Steve thinks it’s a deliberate word choice.

“Is that a problem?” Bucky asks, his arms getting tighter. This is an opportunity for Steve to reassert his dominance. He can protest the hug and the way Bucky is controlling Steve’s movements, protest the endearment and the shift in their roles.

“I just offered to get down on my knees for you, I won’t object. You’re not wrong.”

“I’m not wrong? I’m not even sure we’re answering the same question. Do you want to keep submitting to me, Steve?”

“Yes.”

“I make you feel like an omega?”

“I feel like… yeah.”

“Stevie. We have to get you to come properly. Let’s get that sorted out. Do you want me to help you, getting you there like you’re an omega, or do you want to go back to medical or take care of this… I don’t even know how,” he says, uncertainly.

“I want you to put aside what I’ve told you and how you view it and give me what we both want,” Steve’s slipped his hand down from the hard slab of muscle that makes up Bucky’s chest to his cock, gently touching it through his clothing. Desperate to get to know it better. He doesn’t understand why this alpha is an exception and why he is so needy for him, but he is.

“Let’s try my hand, okay?” Bucky asks, his breath warm on Steve’s cheek. “Steve, stop,” he says, hands clenching on Steve. His hips thrust forward into the touch and he swears, hauling in a breath, nose pressed to Steve’s skin.

“I wasn’t trying to get retribution on you or whatever, when we were in the shower. You coming on me was so good I just had to go again. That’s why I was touching myself. If you really want me to come. that’s a guaranteed way to do it. Your come on my cock, all messy and you’ll help me. That’s what I need.”

“Steve, I don’t know if that’s a great idea,” he says, almost pleading for Steve to take it back. He can smell the alpha’s arousal. Feel his cock so hard in Bucky’s pants.

“You’re supposed to help me. I need your come, alpha.” He slips down to the ground. Steve undoes Bucky’s buckle and the monstrous thing flexes in Bucky’s alpha briefs. “My mouth is watering. I have to have it. Alpha. _Alpha_. Oh please, please let me,” he begs, soft and sweet. He rubs his face into the man’s groin. Breathes him in. “Oh, I could live here, you smell so good.”

Bucky actually growls. He puts hands on Steve’s face, makes him look up. Steve goes, pliant and easy. Bucky closes his eyes to get himself under control and Steve turns his head, sucks on the padded part of his thumb, strokes the cock and where his knot will be.

“God. Slow down, baby. This is a bad idea.”

“I swear I need you. Fuck, it’s _you_. You’re doing this to me. You know I’m hurting, know you can help me. We both want it.”

Bucky looks tortured. The smell of arousal is overwhelming. “Steve. I don’t know what to do here. Time. We should—”

“Just believe me. It’s been years. Please, give it to me.” Bucky’s grip loosens and Steve slips his hold, rubbing his face into Bucky’s groin and breathing him in. He’s practically high off the musky alpha scent, his balls throb as he gets Bucky’s underwear down. And there it is. Eye level.

“Oh.” He gasps. Soft and amazed. He kisses it all over. The head and the shaft, the swell where his knot comes out. “How does it work? Where’s the barb?”

“It isn’t just one, there’s lots of tiny ones. The knot swells completely and the shaft thickens a bit more, grows longer and they’re there.”

Steve grabs his own cock and jerks himself off, overwhelmed and desperate at the very idea. “You’re fucking kidding. God. So, you think you’ve taken it all, survived that big beast, _and_ that big fucking knot, and then there’s _more_? And, and it _hurts_?” Steve comes, really fucking hard at the very idea. He slumps into Bucky’s groin, holds the cock against his face with one hand, touching it all over as the last shocks go through him.

Fuck. He hurt before but it’s blinding now. He groans, hips churning at how difficult the pain is to accommodate. “Daddy, it hurts now. Can you come quickly? Please?” He needs Bucky to come before him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, daddy.”

“Come here. Let daddy fix you up. You’re the priority, Steve. I’ll come later.”

Steve is on him, shoving to his feet and climbing back into Bucky’s lap, jerking Bucky’s cock as he settles on him. “I need your come, daddy. You first.”

“Fuck. _Steve_. Dammit,” Bucky comes, and Steve feels a surge of pleasure at having done a good job. “This is supposed to be for you.”

“Now it cane be,” he says, smug and pleased. “So much come, daddy,” he whispers. He can’t lower his weight, balls too sore and full. “Daddy. Inside. My hole. Daddy,” he begs.

“Shh, shh, you’ll be okay,” Bucky says, swiping up some of his come and roughly swiping it against Steve’s hole before pressing his finger in. Steve’s an alpha so he clenches, his muscles squeezing and oh so resistant. “Easy. Relax, baby. Relax. I think I feel it, sweetheart.” The finger comes out, gets more come and goes back inside. “Kiss me. Come on now.”

“Don’t know how to kiss you,” he whispers. His daddy never wanted to. No one did when he was such a come filled slut.

“I’ll show you. Do what I do. Think about my mouth and my tongue. Relax. Let daddy inside you this way, too.”

That may be the most arousing thing Steve has ever heard, he thinks, mouth falling open. Steve whimpers and murmurs against his daddy’s mouth, tries to be open and accepting, wishes the muscles would just give and relax like he wants them to.

He’s a good boy and he’ll let daddy into his hole if it fucking kills him. Bucky’s mouth is hot and slick. It’ so intimate and personal, there’s so much that can be said by the way he exhales or slips his tongue into Steve’s mouth. It’s a whole other language Steve didn’t know about.

What a simple thing. It’s the first step down the long line of debauchery. Steve’s been to the heights and outer realms of perversions but no one has ever given him _this_, wanted to share this with him. How did he not know what he was missing out on?

There’s a reason people kiss, he realizes. It’s better than a lot of the things he’s done. Almost everything over the years and years, in fact. And how confusing and wrong is that? To do something new when he’s done it all, and then to have this simple activity be more erotic and sweet than all the perverse things he’s done.

If he dwells on it for too long, it could be devastating. “Daddy, do you like my mouth?” he asks, voice high with lust, almost scared by how desperately he needs the answer to be yes.

“I do. I could kiss you forever, Steve. You’re doing a good job for me, aren’t you?”

“Really?”

“Yes. So good. And here it is. Here’s your gland, baby. It’s so big I think it’s blocking you from coming. Can I rub it a little?”

He nods. “Trust you, daddy.” 

His daddy rubs over the gland and Steve shivers. “There it is. Feel it,” he whispers, shocks of pleasure going through him as he comes in dribbles.

Steve rocks into it, the mess growing and growing. His hole opens a little more and Bucky gets two fingers inside him, the familiar stretch and burn is so amazing and gentle he goes utterly limp in his daddy’s arms. He relaxes into it, unsure if he’s ever been able to do that so trustingly.

There’s no money, there’s no satisfying his daddy or surprises, no wits he needs to hold onto, just in case something changes. This is just for him. He can relax with Bucky. “Thank you” he whispers.

“Does that feel better, baby?”

More than he can say. His hole aches lightly from Bucky fucking him for so long, even with just two fingers, and he’s missed how nice that feels.

He’s pretty sure _everything_ will feel nice with Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter wound up going through a lot more revisions than i thought it would. now i'm not even sure if it turned out okay or not. But, here we are.
> 
> as a note, if you've read this and feel uncomfortable with their dynamic or with them having sex while steve's trauma is very much present and unresolved then I don't think this is the story for you. from this point forward, the sex is heavily tied into steve's past experiences and him realizing what happiness is and what he actually likes and should expect in a sexual relationship compared to what he took as standard. someone asked if this is going to be bittersweet because steve's issues stay unresolved and like... I hope not? the resolution of this story is Steve's enjoyment of sex and his acceptance of who he is and the realization that he is worth love and time and can ask for that. but, like, i'm not a therapist and i do write smut and steve is an omega so... idk. this might be a useless note that gets deleted as i don't think i an articulate it well, and i've been staring at my screen for the last ten minutes trying to get it right. Basically, Steve does like a lot of what he had as an omega. he is a masochist and he stays a masochist. his happy ending is getting his needs met in a safe way with a person he loves and who loves him. but i'm not sure he's going to change so much as become aware and try to process.


	8. Chapter 8

It’s the best sleep he’s had since he woke up in medical. He’s naked and Bucky is behind him, holding him gently. “Do you know where you are?”

Steve sighs. “Yes.”

“Are you okay if I kiss you and touch you?”

“Um, yes.” Steve is more than a little okay with that plan. “Very much so,” he says, in case he didn’t sound enthusiastic enough.

“Good,” Bucky whispers, and kisses Steve’s neck. His hands slips down, over Steve’s stomach and up his chest, roaming and possessive as he breathes him in and sucks marks into his skin. “Did you sleep okay?” Bucky asks.

“You had your arms around me the whole night?” Steve is pretty sure that’s what happened, but it may have been a dream or his own instincts to cling to Bucky in his sleep. Steve knows how he feels- if Bucky was poker he’d be all in.

He is content and has the strange sense he belongs here with Bucky. He’s never felt like that before. It’s the closest he’s felt to belonging since his ma was alive. On those rare occasions where they’d both be healthy, have money coming in and a bit saved up for the next disaster, and he’d get home, close the door behind him, hear his mother in the kitchen and be glad to be alive.

This is like that. But, he doesn’t know how Bucky feels and shouldn’t expect the alpha to feel the same way. Not so quickly and especially not towards another alpha.

“I may have held onto you like an octopus. If you have a crick in your neck and the desire to escape, I wouldn’t blame you,” Bucky murmurs, and yet his hand is cupping Steve’s breast, enjoying the heft and weight of it. “I won’t take it personally,” he says, pinches Steve’s nipple and doesn’t let go, pressure and then an edge of discomfort which shifts into arousal. Bucky lets go and Steve slumps back against him.

“I can go, huh?”

“That’s right. Whenever you want,” he says, hand slipping down to touch Steve’s cock and hold his balls in his hand.

Steve hums appreciatively. “I’m feeling pretty content here so long as you keep up these tactics. God, you have to let me blow you.”

“I want to treat you like an omega. Is that what you want?” Bucky demands, using the weight of his body to press Steve down into the bed, settling his cock against his ass.

“Yeah. I want that too.”

“Does this make you want to react like an alpha?”

“No. I’m in a good place. I just want this. I want you.” What he wants is to be able to get fucked so deep he feels it in his guts and his throat.

“We need to try the day again. The gym, the cafeteria, medical. Maybe a walk around the city, see how you do.”

Oh. Reality. “I don’t feel like I did yesterday. I didn’t know what was going on half the time. It was this constant pull between being an alpha and you making me feel like an omega and that all feels kind of far away now. Like it was someone else. I may have to apologize to a few omegas.”

“In fairness, every one of them would have happily done their patriotic duty. The invitations weren’t particularly blatant but they were there.”

“Come sluts, just like I said.”

Bucky jabs him in the side and Steve giggles.

“It’s a compliment!” Steve says, trying to move away.

Bucky laughs and Steve relaxes back into him, wanting to be in the bubble of his joy. “I couldn’t fucking believe it when you said that. It was like ‘who is this guy? What will they tell the children?’”

“You tell them Captain America believes come sluts are underrated and deserve respect. Needy come sluts are people too.”

Bucky nips him on the neck, almost purring against him. “Fuck, it was funny. Don’t apologize unless you feel like you have to. It will be fine. I can talk to people if you want.”

“I can do it,” he says, sighing heavily. “I guess it seems a little excessive now.”

“And, you’ll need to decide how you want to be treated today,” he says, and he pushes Steve down to his stomach with his hand, Steve moaning at the manhandling, wanting to encourage even the smallest bit of it. Bucky puts a hand in the middle of his back. “Stay there,” he orders, softly.

Steve stays. Bucky puts a hand on the back of Steve’s neck, squeezes gently. “Don’t move.”

He lets his eyes close, grinds his hard cock into the bed. “Can I touch myself?”

“Asking like a good omega. That’s up to you. But, we should assume your gland is still an issue.”

“I don’t have a gland,” he says, reflexively.

“How many omegas have you fingered?”

“Um, two? Three?”

“So, you know the gland feels pretty distinctive.”

“Well, no. I wouldn’t say I was a particularly attentive lover. And I usually had a lot of my own issues going on while it was happening. If I fingered an omega I tried to stay clear of the gland as much as I could. It could… that was a pretty good way to get into a bad headspace.”

Bucky kisses his shoulder, stroking his back softly. “What kind of a bad headspace?” he asks, quietly.

“Like it wasn’t right. I could get panicky, sometimes I couldn’t come, I might even lose my erection.”

“Not the easiest thing for an alpha to do,” he says, sympathetically.

“No. And then knotting would be out of the question. The only thing worse than fucking an omega was being stuck together after.”

“Sounds like that isn’t something you should do anymore then.”

He scoots closer, burying his head in Bucky’s bicep and putting his arm around his waist. All he can smell now is sleep-warmed alpha and it’s both calming and arousing. “God, if this were before the serum I’d be on your dick so fast right now. You’d have to fight me off.”

“I can’t imagine fighting you off.”

“I liked presenting. I hated riding, especially on a chair or something because my legs would get tired so quickly. But, I would have made an exception for you. I meant it when I said I would have taken you. Some things hurt better than others and _that_ hurt, in my ass and my hole from the stretch and a cock too deep, or a really big knot, that was what got me off. And I loved to suck cock. I tried after the serum. A few times. There was a glory hole near the London HQ. I’d get stuck in these meetings and every now and again I’d have to go. Try again. Stick my dick through, get sucked on.” He stops talking, suddenly worried.

“What?” Bucky asks.

“Should I not be talking about this?”

“I want to know you. I’d really like for you to keep telling me,” he says, fingers brushing through Steve’s hair and then back to his neck, settling warm and heavy. “Easier?”

“Yes, daddy,” he murmurs, unaware of what he’s let slip. Mainly because he’s just realized he’s drooling on Bucky’s bicep. “Fuck. Sorry.” He lifts his head and wipes his mouth. Bucky rolls away and grabs a tissue, swipes his arm. 

“It’s hot. Not the drool so much, but if I touch you there, you submit instantly. If we’re out today and you get riled up I might try to touch you there if that’s okay. See if it calms you down.”

“Whatever you want.”

Bucky blushes. “So, you’re not worried about people knowing you’ve submitted to me?”

“No. I don’t care.”

“Huh. Good. I guess I thought that might be a bigger deal for you.” He presses a kiss to Steve’s head, burying his nose in his hair.

“You’re the one who will be stuck having everyone know….”

“I’m gonna need you to think very carefully if you want to finish that sentence,” Bucky says, a hint of a growl in his tone. Bucky’s hand goes down, fingers cupping Steve’s perineum, thumb stroking gently over Steve’s hole. He exhales, lets his legs shift open a little more. The thumb is a lot. “Settle.”

“Trying, daddy.” The thumb rests, casual. His hole is twitching, squeezing, spasming apprehensively. Bucky leans over, teeth into Steve’s neck, a slow tightening of his teeth into Steve’s flesh and he shivers as the submission rolls over him. Every muscle goes slack, even his hole.

“Beautiful.”

“It isn’t beautiful, it’s stupid. It takes a bite for me to let you touch me? Christ.” He could cry with how broken he is. He’s wrong.

“If it were up to just me, I’d come all over you. You’d walk out of my apartment and anyone within a hundred yards would know I marked you up. Warn off everyone else. There is no fucking way I’d be ashamed for anyone to know you were mine.” Steve burrows closer, nose hurting he’s pressing so hard. He forces himself to ease up just a little. Bucky’s arms slide around him, holding him tight.

“Can I blow you?” he asks, wanting to.

“Finish telling me about London first.”

Steve grunts in annoyance. “I decided I hated having my cock sucked so I tried it the other way, found a time when it was unoccupied, got down on my knees and waited.”

“And?”

“And….Probably like you’d expect. I hated being on my knees, felt like someone was watching me or getting ready to jump me.”

“Alpha instincts.”

“And I sucked a few dicks but it wasn’t the same. Didn’t taste right or feel right. It wasn’t satisfying at all and usually it was unpleasant.”

“Steve, if you suck my cock and don’t like it, will you stop and tell me?”

He can’t lie to Bucky. “I can learn to like it. If we keep doing it, then I’ll like it.”

“Stevie, that’s not fun for me. That would be awful for me.”

“That’s what men like. I can be trained, daddy.” He grabs another tissue and wipes his eyes.

“No. The past is gone. Do you want to please me?”

He has to swallow before he can get the words out. “More than anything.”

“Then you will stop and tell me if you don’t like it.”

He shakes his head because this isn’t something he can just drop. “I already can’t take you like a real omega can,” he says, voice breaking. “If I can’t even suck your dick, what’s the point? It won’t be fair and you’ll leave me.”

Bucky rolls him to his back, drapes his body on top of him, still a question in his eyes, needing to make sure it’s okay, that Steve’s instincts aren’t going to be triggered. He wraps his arms around Bucky’s neck, bares his neck in answer.

Bucky kisses his lips and moves to Steve’s neck, sucks and kisses at the skin there. “Stevie, you need to listen to me now. I don’t care. I just want this, Steve. I want you under me and I want to kiss you and mark you up. I like you being in my bed and holding you. I like how soft you get and how submissive you are. I’m looking forward to knowing you better and I loved how you came on my fingers last night. I loved that I got to help you and you went all sweet on me. You’re fixated on me fucking your ass, but Steve, penetration isn’t something I base my life around. I promise you that I don’t care. I’ve had relationships where it’s completely impossible and those relationships didn’t end because of that. And if you don’t like sucking my cock, then I still want you here, and you’ll still be my omega. As long as you want it. I want it too.”

“Why?” Steve asks.

Bucky shrugs, looks slightly embarrassed. “I don’t know. Maybe… I think we should get tests done and see if we’re Bonded.”

“Bonded?”

“Like true mates. If we’re so physically and emotionally compatible that it shows up in our DNA. It happens sometimes.”

“You can tell that in a blood test?”

“Yeah. It’s like an antibody.”

“Well, that would be nice. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was happening to me,” He confesses. Bucky’s smile is radiant. “Good. Then we’ll ask for a test. So, you’ll tell me if you don’t like it and you’ll stop?”

“You make me want what I used to take for granted and I know it would be physically more intense and satisfying then anything I ever had before, and it makes me sad that you fucking me isn’t an option.”

“Sweetheart. That’s fair. I want to be close to you. That intimacy can be special. But, a lot of things are special and we’ll figure out what works for us.”

“I just want to blow you. I want it and if it turns out that’s something else I can’t fucking do then I’d like to know now,” he manages, blinking back tears. How little of him does he get?“I won’t promise beyond this time. I’ll stop this time if I don’t like it, but even if I don’t, you can’t ask me to just rule that out right now.”

Bucky kisses him on the mouth, wipes the tears from his cheeks. “Okay, sweetheart. I’m sorry. Go ahead and let’s try.”

He slips down the bed as Bucky goes to his back. Bucky’s hand is already lifted, palm open, waiting for Steve to get on his cock so he can guide him how he wants. Steve licks his lips. “Shove me down if you want. I don’t have a gag reflex.”

Bucky frowns. Steve raises a brow, looking towards the hand. “Oh. Sorry.” Bucky drops it to the bed. Then his hands go back, tucking behind his head, under the pillow so he doesn’t forget.

“I like being forced to take it. I want you to tell me to take it and choke me on it.”

Bucky frowns at him even more severely. As if Steve isn’t speaking English but has suddenly started speaking Swahili or something. “There will be other times if you like it,” he says, uncertainly.

Steve smirks. “Sure, Buck. No problem. Just remember you can.” Fuck this bullshit. He’s gonna suck Bucky’s brains out of his dick. Bucky’s going to yank so hard on his hair, and fuck his face like Steve wants. Bucky doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.

“Wait. Why— _fuck,_” Bucky gasps. His hips raise off the bed in pleasure as Steve swallows the whole length of him in one go. The truth is, taking the giant monster cock down his throat without working up to it and making sure it was wet enough wasn’t the best plan, and Steve gags and chokes, muscle memory kicking in so he evens out, knows how to relax. He moans and Bucky grips Steve’s hair so tight he feels smug and vindicated.

His mouth waters and his stomach rumbles. Steve moans, content and happy. He still loves it. Because it’s Bucky he’s desperate for it. The relief of at least getting to have this is enough to drag him close to the edge of orgasm.

“Damnit, Steve,” Bucky says, eyes wide. His hand trembles as he drags Steve off his cock. “Is it… okay?”

“Love it.” He whispers, and tortures them both by pressing to the side of Bucky’s cock and burying his face into the crease of his leg, down into his balls, nuzzling and trying to get the alpha’s smell all over him. But, it’s only a few breaths because he can’t wait to get that beast back into his throat.

“God, look at that fucking knot,” he says, reverently. Most omegas couldn’t handle knots all that well. They’d whimper and get all skittish. Have to get used to the tie and that feeling of being trapped and vulnerable. There were knot suppressing condoms even in his day, omegas desperate to have a bit more control over what was happening.

Not Steve, oh no.

His daddy had made damned sure Steve knew how to deal with a knot. One of his daddy’s favorite games was popping his knot in and out of Steve. He was small for an alpha so Steve could usually manage it once or twice even before he was broken in. After his daddy got him broken in he could manage it easily.

Too easily. His daddy sometimes got himself knot hard before Steve got there, just so he could bend him over and fuck into him when he wasn’t as loose and relaxed. Slam his knot in and yank it out. Steve would play up the struggle, clenching and pleading and sometimes it was intense and he’d cry on it, but by the end of his time with daddy, it didn’t matter how many times he popped in and out, Steve wasn’t going to be wrecked and sobbing like the days before.

Bucky’s knot… yeah, it’s barely showing but he can tell by the shape of it, the width and how much of the shaft it takes up that it’s not the sort of thing one ever gets complacent about. He wants to know if Bucky’s partners have torn on it, but that is not the sort of question that will get Steve more of Bucky’s cock. Steve feels a sympathetic pang for Bucky’s previous partners. No one wants a tear.

“Just a minute.” Bucky gets out of the bed, goes into the bathroom and comes back, taking the packaging off a funny little large holed donut. He slides it onto his cock. It stops right before the knot. “Go on, sweetheart.”

Steve frowns. He sucks and swallows but is quickly interrupted by the stupid thing on Bucky’s cock. He pulls off. “What the fuck is that? I can _manage_ the knot.” He’s almost offended. Actually, he _is_ offended. He was a paid cocksucker. Bucky’s the one who can’t even let his knot go and barb someone. If anyone should get to decide if the knot is a problem it’s Steve. It’s _his _fucking mouth doing the sucking. The donut bullshit has to go.

“Are you arguing with me?”

He pets Bucky’s thigh. Angry and trying to squash it down. He didn’t used to get so angry. He wonders if that’s part of being an alpha. It isn’t as easy to just accept everything like it used to be. “Daddy, I know how to do it.”

“How many barbed cocks have you sucked?”

“You said you don’t get aroused enough to do that very often. If the knot is a problem, I’ll accommodate.”

“I can feel it, Steve. If you take me all the way I’m going to pop a knot and it happens _really_ fast.”

No. There is no fucking way he means what Steve thinks he means.“How fast?” he asks, rubbing the cock against his face.

“So fast that omegas really don’t like it. It’s too much and there’s not a lot of time to stretch. And it’s locked in and the decision is made, Steve. There’s no choice but to wait it out. That’s not a good experience.”

“Oh, daddy. I’m sorry.” Steve is sorry for his daddy. Can kind of imagine how emotionally distressing that might have been. Kind of? But, what he’s really thinking is Bucky’s been with some pretty pathetic omegas who didn’t know how to be good sluts and take it.

Steve never met a cock he wasn’t happy to take on. And the more he knows about Bucky’s cock, this beast that’s so overwhelmingly problematic for everyone but is Steve’s ultimate fantasy, the more he feels like the universe just wants to punish him.

Frozen for 70 years to wake up and find the perfect cock and he can’t have it. Maybe reincarnation is real and he was someone really fucking evil in a previous life.

Bucky pets his hair gently. “And then there’s the extra inch of length, Steve. If that’s in your throat and you can’t breathe….I mean it when I say it’s scary and you could get seriously hurt. If you want this to be good for me, you’ll do it my way. Let me enjoy myself without worrying about hurting you.”

That shuts Steve up. He opens his mouth, sucks the cock down to the ring and gets to work. The most important thing is for daddy to enjoy himself. God, he’s going to get come. A lot of it. He reaches for Bucky’s balls, holding them in his hands and hefting them. So big. So full. His daddy throws his head back, fingers digging into the bedspread as he comes. It’s an explosion, and Steve is a bit rustier than he thought he was, because he chokes and gags, has to pull back. It spurts onto his face and Steve opens his mouth, trying to get the last bits where they belong. He did it wrong.

He’s ashamed. He wants to crawl away and hide.

“That was so fucking amazing, Steve. I mean, you must have some idea how good you are, but god that was….” He looks up, wondering if his daddy is lying. But, no, the fucked out look on his face and the speechlessness are real. “Did you like it, Steve?”

“I loved it. How you smell and how big you are. I want that fucking knot like you wouldn’t believe and I like that you’re in me now,” he says, putting his hand on his stomach.

“Come here. You have come on your face and your cock is dripping.”

Steve glances down. Sure enough, he is dripping. “Not so swollen today,” Bucky says. Bucky gets him straddling his lap. He wiggles, desperate to ride him.

“Will you check? Finger me open?” He lays on Bucky’s chest for kisses, half afraid Bucky will deny him. Decide his mouth is come filled and nasty now. Bucky doesn’t deny him. Steve gets more kisses that leave him hungry and aching. He rubs his cock against Bucky’s stomach, enjoying the friction and the occasional unpleasant pull from the lack of lube. He gets Bucky taking the come off his face with his fingers and his lips, feeding it to Steve and kissing him ravenously.

“I love you kissing me,” Steve says, and it could be three days later for all he knows.

“Good. You should always taste like my come, baby.”

“I want that. I want that so fucking much,” he says, needing Bucky’s touch, fingers in his passage and deeper. “Let me get the lube. On your back?”

Steve collapses down to the bed, eagerly watching the muscles of Bucky’s back and arms as he gets the lube on his fingers. Then he’s kneeling between Steve’s legs.

“Do you get wet still?” he asks, after a moment.

“No.”

Bucky’s lips purse like he’s stopping himself from saying something. One finger goes in, slick and easy. Steve exhales as Bucky presses in. “Two daddy. Fuck that was easy.”

“So good, Steve. Absolutely lovely,” he says, watching. He presses two into Steve and now it’s a lot. Steve pushes out, forcing the muscles to open and relax. He wants to protest. It’s instinctive to tighten up. His ass clenches on the finger, tightens and spasms, wanting the finger out. His stupid alpha biology.

“Hush, sweetheart. You’re okay.”

“Push through it. When I’m going tight, press deep, make the muscles open.”

“Steve, that’s gotta hurt, right?”

“I don’t know, but I want it. If I don’t like it I’ll say.” Bucky’s fingers come out and he moves up the bed, starts kissing Steve again, trying to get him relaxed as he presses and taps at Steve’s hole, stroking the rim instead of fucking into him. He grinds a knuckle into Steve.

On one hand he loves it because it does feel awesome. But, he also finds it incredibly frustrating because he just needs to get pounded and he can’t.

“You feel wet, Steve. Maybe not as wet as you used to, but I’m almost positive you’re wet and this isn’t just lube.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I’ve been dry. But I haven’t wanted anyone either. I guess I’d just assumed. I hope so,” Steve says, not wanting to get his hopes up too much. It’d be nice, though. Get all wet for his new daddy.

“Daddy,” he sighs, kissing Bucky again as his fingers finally breach him. Intense spasming as his body protests. Bucky fucks through the alpha resistance and it steals Steve’s breath. “Oh god, I just want your cock, daddy. I want that knot and I want your barb and I want you to make me fucking _scream_ on that cock of yours. I won’t say no. I’ll be so good and I’ll take it. I want—” Bucky kisses him, shutting him up. Time passes, the pace steady and the thrusts a little harder.

“Okay?” Bucky checks. He nods and lets his hips rise, fucking into the press, getting his daddy deeper. He slips over the gland and Steve cries out. Bucky presses his mouth to Steve’s, shoving his tongue deep, like he’s fucking him, a poor substitute. He is definitely working something inside Steve. It aches and almost makes him a little nauseous. He doesn’t know if it’s good or not. He isn’t sure he can keep himself still and accepting.

It’s not good, he decides. And then it changes, subtle but noticeable. He closes his eyes, goes lax as he thinks about the feeling now. Is it good? Is it bad? He’s warm inside. Hot and big. He groans and then he’s on the edge, shocked and unknowing how he got there. “Fuck. Gonna spill, daddy.”

Bucky growls, bites him on the lip and keeps up the pace, relentlessly working him inside. Steve shivers and the gland releases, his balls spasm as he comes in heavy spurts, flooding his stomach. His hole relaxes, suddenly loose and he definitely feels slick trickle out of him and onto Bucky’s fingers. “Oh, _daddy_.”

“Heaven, Steve. You just went all soft inside.” Tears fill Steve’s eyes. Bucky kisses him on the lips. “Are you okay?”

He nods. It’s a lot, but it’s not bad at all. “I want to be wet for you. I’m happy. Three, daddy? Can you try now?”

Bucky presses three into him, groaning like it’s his cock in Steve and not his fingers. “Look at that. Easy, sweetheart. Slipped right in. Do you like that? Being open for me?”

“Yes. So much, daddy.”

“Can you be a good boy and come again?”

Steve blinks. Has Bucky called him good boy before? Bucky’s scent has changed, the way he holds himself is slightly different, even the quality of his voice is lower. “You’re going all alpha on me.”

Bucky blinks. “You okay? I can um… I can try to ease up a little,” Bucky says, frowning, like he’s misplaced his restraint, left it on the bed and can just rummage around in the sheets, grab it and put it back on.

Control doesn’t work that way. At least it shouldn’t. It’s not something Steve is used to. And he doesn’t like it, certainly not from his daddy. Steve should be irresistible.

“No, I want it. See where we wind up,” he whispers and Bucky strokes into him long and deep, the sound of him slick and open is familiar and half forgotten. It’s a filthy sound and Steve had liked it. Mainly because he’d liked everything. He opens his legs wider, welcoming the strain. “It’s not triggering me or anything. Boss me around. Be rough. Come on.”

“Help me get you there, baby. I want you to come again. On my fingers. Get me all wet. Listen to you,” he breathes, using two fingers instead of three so he can twist his hand in Steve, making it wet and noisy. Bucky makes him feel like he has a big, sloppy hole. It’s a lie, but god he wishes it was true.

“I want four.”

Bucky looks between his legs, puts four to Steve’s hole and presses in. Steve can’t tell what’s happening, what he’s feeling, weirdly disconnected from his body. Because it isn’t the body he had and knew. It’s this inflexible _thing_ built to pound and be hard, not to be soft and open.

It stings then. “How much?” he gasps.

“Doesn’t matter.” Bucky goes back to two fingers, maybe three, sweeping over the gland again, taking the burn away.

“Open me up. Not the gland, daddy. Just… I want four.”

Bucky is staring between Steve’s legs, gives Steve four again and the burning feeling widens. A sharp sting. He tenses. Tells himself not to, tries to relax. He spasms inside. Fuck, he’s digging bruises into Bucky’s shoulders. He lets go, blows out a breath.

“No more, Steve. Not now. Come for me,” he says, and it’s back to two or three or whatever nonsense he can take easily, Bucky working the gland of dubious pleasure, making him come unexpectedly again.

Bucky stills inside him and Steve turns back into him. “Keep your fingers in me for a bit.”

“Okay,” Bucky murmurs, like there isn’t anywhere else in the world he needs to be.

“I’m going to need to start ordering more food,” he finally says. Steve smiles. His daddy wants to feed him. His daddy wants him back in his home and his bed. He plans to do this again. He isn’t letting Steve go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for your comments! they definitely keep the story going. Next up is back to medical.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what i wanted to happen isn't what's happening. Argh.

“We’re going to be late if we don’t hurry,” Bucky says, and he sends Steve to shower first while he gets food ready. Steve comes out with only a towel wrapped around him and picks up a piece of bacon. “I don’t have any clothes,” he says, finishing the piece in three bites.

Bucky sets a mug of coffee in front of him, eyeing him up. “I have clothes. Wear mine. It’s just training stuff.”

“Oh. Are you— yeah?”

“Very sure,” he says, leaning closer. “God, I can’t even give you a kiss right now, I swear I’ll lose my mind and we’ll never get out of bed. Stay here. I’ll put clothes out and take a shower. In an ideal world you’ll be dressed when I get out.”

“I don’t know how many times you need to come before you can get out of here, but I can promise you I could get at least one out of you in under three minutes. Breakfast of champions,” he says, looking at him innocently over his mug. 

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky mutters, and walks away from him. He adjusts himself and Steve takes that as a win. Bucky takes a shower and Steve goes to examine what Bucky has put out for him. He’s almost giddy at the sight of the shirt and the pants, underwear and even socks.

This is some serious claiming and Steve doesn’t even hesitate to put it all on. He doesn’t own much of anything, really. Beyond his shield and the few shirts and things Shield gave him. 

This soft t-shirt that smells like Bucky, clean but worn so often that his scent is embedded in the fibers, is potentially the most incredible piece of clothing he’s ever put on. Certainly better than rags or costumes.

The clothes make him calm and aroused. It’s a good feeling, though. Without that desperation to get fucked that he spent years having to deal with. He feels… easy. Not like bend-me-over-easy (although he is) but just like _things_ are easy, _life_ is easy.

“I might need to keep this shirt,” he says, lifting the bottom part and taking a deep breath once Bucky shows up again. Bucky’s gaze drops to his bared stomach. 

“I might let you,” he says, playfully, kissing Steve on the mouth. “You look happy, Steve. And now you’re blushing. That’s a good look for you, too,” he says, as they walk down the hall.Steve bumps Bucky’s shoulder as he tries to get closer. Bucky snakes an arm around him, hauling him closer, nuzzling him under his ear. “You smell good, by the way.”

“Like what?” Steve asks. He knows it isn’t that he’ll smell like come or something. That’s all scrubbed and soaped away. It’s the hormones and secretions on his skin and pumping through him that will change his scent.

“Citrus, maybe? It’s good. Clean. Fresh.”

He almost snorts. He’s not sure those words have been used to describe him, ever. “Let them do whatever tests they want to do and we’ll discuss us at the end. See what gets picked up on.”

“Why?”

Bucky shrugs. “Curiosity. There won’t be assumptions that taint their opinions.”

Steve shrugs. He doesn’t see a reason to not go along with it. They get shown into a room and the doctor basically follows them in. He’s a beta.

“Captain Rogers, how are you feeling this morning?”

“Good. Better than yesterday.”

“Great. If you’ll give me a moment to go over your chart while the nurse gets your vitals that’d be great. And if we could get another blood sample, and a cheek swab?”

Steve agrees to all of it. Bucky’s standing near him the whole time, radiating patience and calm. He’s giving off some pretty serious alpha vibes and Steve realizes it doesn’t bother him at all. He’s having zero response to it in terms of his own alpha instincts triggering.

Interesting.

When the doctor comes back in he looks confused. “Captain Rogers, there’s significant changes in your blood work. Comparisons are from three points. When you came out of the ice, yesterday and today. There is rapid change. It’s not dangerous or anything, but it’s irregular to say the least.”

“What is it?” Steve asks. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Bucky rubbing a hand across his face, shoulders almost tense.

“Well, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were inter-gender. Which, is quite rare. You have markers that only alphas have, and yet you have similar omega specific markers in your blood, skin and saliva and they’re actually spiking. If you were thirteen, I’d say you were on the verge of becoming an omega. The concern, or oddity, is why you would change to an omega. If the serum is degrading, the assumption is you would revert back to your pre-serum gender of beta.”

“I was an omega before the serum.”

The doctor opens his mouth, closes it again. He looks at the file. “It says beta… I was told beta. I assume you would know, but….”

“Dr. Erskine knew the military wouldn’t give me the serum if I was an omega. He gave me something that convinced them I was. It’s never been relevant since then.”

The doctor’s mouth opens and closes like a fish. “Fascinating. That changes things. Let me confer with my colleague. I’ll return shortly.” As soon as he leaves Bucky steps close. Steve leans against him.

“Degrading serum sounds terrifying but wrong. I don’t think it’s degrading.”

“I don’t either. Let’s wait and see. We should tell him about your gland and let him examine you.”

The doctor comes back. He’s brought another doctor who introduces herself as Dr. Shaw. She’s an omega. Steve is happy to report that he feels fine while she examines him. She touches his neck, listens to his heartbeat and Steve has no reactions like he did yesterday. He feels emotionally stable. Mellow and quite content. Bucky is still a little tense, on alert for Steve to say or do something asinine like he did the day before. It’s like a heat lamp is on next to him, his anxiety almost touchable.

“I’m fine. Swear,” he says, giving his arm a squeeze.

The omega doctor looks between the two of them. “Is the sergeant doing a good job getting you acquainted with the 21st century, Captain?”

“Yes, great,” he says, blushing.

“I don’t want to be indelicate, but… have you two entered a sexual relationship recently?”

“Well, I’ve been out of the ice for four days, so, you know, we’re taking it slow,” he says, trying to make a joke. “Uh, yes, we have.” Dr. Shaw smiles. The beta doctor seems vaguely confused, possibly unsettled. He’s given them some space, and Steve thinks Dr. Shaw must have seniority or something. 

“Although it’s been a brief period of time, it seems rather intense?” she asks, looking between them.

“Yes.” That’s all Bucky says.

“Sergeant, might we take your blood?” Dr. Shaw asks.

Bucky holds out an arm, apparently indifferent to getting his blood drawn. The beta doctor takes his blood and leaves the room.

“Captain Rogers, do you mind if I examine you to see if you have an omega gland?”

“Sure.”

She pulls out a gown for him and leaves the room.

“Steve, should I stay?” Bucky asks, and while it’s phrased like a question, it’s pretty clear he thinks he should stay.

“You’ve already seen all there is to see.”

“Very funny. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

“I’m fine. If anything, you should be worried with how much more well adjusted and less likely I feel to swear at random people trying to do their jobs. It’s clearly the sex. You may never get a break. The only way to keep Captain America in line.”

Bucky smirks at him. “I’m willing to make that sacrifice for the good of the world.” 

Steve gets undressed and puts on the gown. Dr. Shaw comes back into the room and gets Steve in position. Bucky touches his hand, holding it, which Steve is actually quite grateful for.

“You do have an omega gland. It feels quite swollen. There also is a large amount of scar tissue over the area.”

“I was told it was destroyed the night I was broken and made into an omega.”

“Oh, I’m… well, I’m very sorry to hear that. In times of great trauma, the gland can become damaged,” she says, giving Steve a sympathetic look.

“I was told the man who did it typically broke in girls from rich families, but that there was another man there with a barbed penis. After that night, the area was all scar tissue… spongey or something. Apparently, it felt good on a knot. If it healed after the serum, I really don’t know.”

She isn’t saying anything, trying not to show how awful she thinks that is but she doesn’t have a great poker face.

“Captain, I volunteered with the Omega Rights Organization right out of medical school. I went to third world countries where there was omega genital mutilation and even castration. Obviously, it’s incredibly traumatizing, and I have a good friend who is a therapist that works almost exclusively with omegas who’ve survived sexual abuse. You might find her to be a good resource. I will leave her information and you can do whatever you want with it.”

Steve has to clear his throat before he can speak. He knows that people don’t view sex the same way anymore. But the idea of it being abuse. That what he grew up with is something she puts on part with mutilation and torture is bizarre. That’s not how it was. It wasn’t his experience. He _liked_ the sex he had. There was a lot of it he liked a hell of a lot.

And, obviously, some sex is better than other sex. There were things he had to get used to, that it took a while to warm up to and figure out how to enjoy, but he did. And… okay, some things were bad and he actively didn’t want and wouldn’t repeat now that he’s got the ability to say no, but at the time that was fine too, because there was good at the end of it like money or a warm fire. It just was. Everyone had works tasks they didn’t like. It isn’t different.

Bucky bends down and kisses his forehead. Bucky’s eyes are downright misty. “That’s fine. You can leave it,” Steve says, not having anything else to say. Explaining why what happened to him was okay would take too long and she’d be like Bucky and not get it. No one gets it.

It’s fucking annoying, but his hormones are just off enough he might even cry if he tries to explain his past. Which isn’t something that should happen. It was a long time ago. He wouldn’t have done anything differently. Well, he _couldn’t_ have done anything differently.

She keeps talking and Steve is glad because this bullshit about his past just isn’t worth going over again. He might even have to tell Bucky to just drop it. Never bring it up again. It’s a fresh start.

“There were several cases of omegas who’d been mutilated while young, the gland removed, where it regrew. If an omega met a mate, someone who was biologically compatible to a _very_ high degree, spontaneous regrowth could occur. With the amount of swelling and the markers in your blood, it’s possible the gland has regrown with super-soldier speed and healing over the last few days.”

“So, meeting Bucky made it happen.”

“Yes, I believe so.”

“Is it just the gland or would all of me change?” What if he becomes an omega again? What would that even mean?

She pulls the drape down, covering him and rolls over to meet his gaze. She’s very friendly and he wonders if he can ask for her from now on.“Having done a lot of exams on alpha’s over the years, I can tell you that you have swelling and elasticity in your anus that I don’t see in male alphas. You were also much more relaxed than an alpha typically is. There is also slick. Have you engaged in anal play?”

“Yes. I can take three fingers fairly easily,” Steve says, without embarrassment. He was a whore for crying out loud. “Before Bucky it was impossible.”

“So, it’s a rapid change. You can come by for an examination everyday for the next few days so we can monitor the situation but— and please pretend I didn’t give you this advice— you’re a super soldier, your body is going back to a state it’s familiar with, the change is progressing nicely, so if you don’t want to come in for a few days I don’t see a problem. You or Sargent Barnes can conduct a less scientific examination in the privacy of your own home and as long as there isn’t anything unusual like blood or pain, assume all is well. I wouldn’t recommend penetration by an alpha for at least another few days, unfortunately. You still have alpha instincts and some biology that could cause you to tear or be injured in a way you won’t once the change is complete.”

Bucky blushes when she looks at him. It’s cute.

“We were wondering if we should do a test to see if we’re bonding?” Steve asks.

She chuckles. “I suppose we could, but I think the answer is pretty obviously a resounding yes. Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” Steve says. Bucky squeezes his hand. What does this mean for them now? She throws away her gloves, does the hand wash thing and tells Steve he can get dressed again.

“One more thing,” She says, just before she leaves. “There is an omega only co-ed basketball league that meets on wednesday nights. You should join. But, you have to be on my team. The other team has at least six guys on it. We’re getting decimated.”

“So, there are a lot of male omegas in Shield? I mean, at least six? Seven?” he asks, including himself. Which is surprisingly easy to do. 

She gives him an odd look. “Omegas makes up a third of the population and roughly half of them are male. So, yes. Dozens more than seven.”

“It was a secret back in my day.”

“A lot of people spend all their lives pretending to be something they’re not and have historically had to get their needs met in very secretive ways. There are several good books about the Omega Sexual Revolution of the 1960’s.”

“Right. The 60’s.” It’s so fucking weird waking up decades later. Bucky squeezes his hand. It also has at least one amazing benefit.


	10. Chapter 10

The doctor steps out and then pokes her head back in. “Natasha is here, Sargeant.”

Bucky’s brows raise. He leaves Steve to dress and goes out into the hall. When Steve comes out, Bucky is talking to a beautiful red headed alpha who looks like she might kill bad men for sport. He likes her. She gives Steve a cursory examination. Nods at him.

“Captain Rogers. I’m Natasha. I would have been your handler except I was saving the world.”

“How did that go?”

“Not bad. It sounds like your partnership with James has been more interesting than mine would have been.”

“I imagine so.” Bucky blushes and Steve decides his new goal in life will be making him blush. It’s going to be easy. 

“Steve, I have to do a few things and Natasha is going to show you around for a bit. I’m sorry.” Steve gets it. Work. He’s not overjoyed about it but he’ll survive. And maybe it will give him time to digest the massive bombshell the doctor dropped on him. It isn’t just that he has a bit of omega left in him. His gender is changing. He’ll get to take Bucky properly.

Bucky gives him a kiss on the lips before leaving. “Wait. How many days did she say it was until we can have sex?”

Bucky gives him a look. Steve rolls his eyes. “It’s just sex. And I want to know.”

Natasha snorts.

“A few days,” Bucky says.

“Yeah, but what does that mean? Three days? Two days? Eighteen hours?” he scans the room for Dr. Shaw.

“I’ll drop him off at your place then.”

“Right. Steve, try not to scandalize anyone or swear at them.”

“I’m being babysat.”

“It’s SHIELD, everyone is kind of babysitting everyone. We’re a motley crew of fucked up people who like to hit things,” Nat says. “Don’t take it personally.”

“Then I guess I’ll fit right in.”

She bumps his arm with her elbow, a friendly gesture. But she’s watching him and Bucky is watching him and he knows it’s a test. Can he even be out of Bucky’s sight.

“I’m fine.”

“If you’re not. If things are a problem, Nat can call me. I’ll be there in two minutes.”

“I’ll be fine. I promise. I feel so much better than I did yesterday.”

“What are you going to do if someone wants to touch you?”

“I’ll tell them I have the plague.”

Nat smirks. “You likely don’t need to say anything. You two stink of each other. It’s some potent warning off vibes. I’d be very surprised if an omega wants to get within ten feet of you,” she says, to Bucky.

“Good,” Steve says, feeling territorial.

“Jealous already?” she teases.

“A good BJ is how you keep a man. So, I’m not too worried.”

Bucky looks scandalized, face going red. Steve winks at him. “Are you trying to embarrass me to death?”

“Only a little. You can punish me for it when you get home.”

“I’m leaving. Take care of him!” Bucky says, walking out the door.

Steve watches his ass. “We have to make sure you meet Clint,” Nat says.

Steve refuses to leave until he finds the doctor. She says three days. He’s annoyed he asked. No one _really _knows how long he needs. It’s all a guess.

The rest of the day is interesting. No one bothers him, it’s true. People approach him to have a chat and they’re within a few feet when their noses wrinkle or they sniff in recognition that he’s bonded and in a sexual relationship with someone. “Is it bad?” he asks her, at one point.

“No. Just… a lot. It’s like you just sprayed cologne or something. A lot of it. Even when it’s a nice smell, it’s intense.

“Is it different because we’re both alphas?”

She takes a minute to think about it. They’re back in the cafeteria. Steve is going to try a chocolate peanut butter milkshake, the daily pasta and another salad. Natasha also puts a piece of “grasshopper pie” on his tray. “You’ll thank me. And if you don’t like it, I’ll take care of it.”

She brings it up once they’ve sat down. “I don’t know. Your smell is muddled. I’ve known a lot of male omegas and you smell different than that. But, I’m not sure you smell like an alpha. Bucky said it’s changed just over the time you’ve been together.”

“I can’t believe there are male omegas. I was told they were basically impossible unless one was made and now they’re apparently here and wandering around. Why didn’t I smell them?”

She shrugs. “Scent blockers.”

“Yeah, but we didn’t have those back then. I don’t think and I couldn’t tell then, either.”

“Did you ever meet anyone who smelled like vinegar or onions?”

“Yeah.”

“They were omegas. Olfactorily offensive but effective at masking the scent of an omega.”

“Really?”

She nods. “If you ever go undercover and need to mask your scent, do vinegar on your pulse points. Generously.”

Huh.

He gets to see Bucky in action at the range. His ability to hit moving targets is so fucking hot he feels his underwear getting damp. He slumps against the wall in surprise. He hasn’t leaked slick like that in years. He’d never expected it to happen again. It’s a visceral confirmation that it’s really happening. He’s really going to be like he was. “Have you ever met any omegas that were nymphomaniacs?” he asks Natasha.

She laughs, not taking him seriously. “It’ll settle down over the next month or two.”

The fear of how he could fuck this all up, how his body might betray him is there, but he can’t do anything about that yet. And he has a gland. He has to trust that it will be okay. And if it isn’t… well, they’ll know in a few days. The thought has him close to throwing up.

The rest of the day passes easily and has lots of distractions, and by the time he’s being deposited at Bucky’s door he’s feeling rather pleased at himself. Not a single outburst or offensive statement. He’ll be downright boring soon. And he likes Natasha a lot. They had a really interesting conversation about disabling alphas with his omega wiles. He doesn’t know how much he’ll use them but apparently Joan of Arc was an omega and she got a lot of shit done. Tough omegas are a thing.

Bucky opens the door, talks to Nat for a minute and drags Steve into his apartment. As soon as the door closes he pushes Steve against it, kissing him like he hasn’t seen him in weeks. Steve whimpers, wrapping his arms around him. This kiss is different too, the hunger of being separated making it harsher. Another experience to hoard. 

“I’m still here, you know. Give me a chance to walk down the hall before you’re shoving him against the door.” Natasha says, muffled through the wood.

“Goodnight, Natasha.” Bucky says, loudly and then he’s kissing Steve again. His hands roam all over Steve, firm, his weight keeping him against the wood. He pulls back to look at him, but Steve follows the kiss, licking his lips and pulling Bucky back into him. “Daddy. Please don’t stop.”

And the full enormity of what he’s said, the wetness in his pants and how much he wants to give this alpha, how weak and submissive he already feels for him, kind of converge inside him, making him shiver with cold. “Do you have a fireplace?” he asks, absently.

Bucky really pulls back then, “Tell me about your day.”

Steve shakes his head. That isn’t it. “Day was great actually.”

“Okay, good. And you felt okay?”

“I feel a lot more like I used to. Not sick or starving for food which is a massive improvement. It doesn’t feel as difficult to be an omega as it used to. Before I felt really… I was really desperate all the time. For everything. Food and money and sex. I kind of…” he tries to chuckle but it sounds horribly forced. “What if I’m like I was before? Some nymphomaniac who just needs to get fucked all day? What if I become that again? I could lose you.”

“Steve, sweetheart. No. Look, I think there are a lot of reasons this time will be different. You were so unbalanced before. Illness, deficiencies brought on by deprivation of food, fear, and all that instability is really hard on anyone but particularly bad for omegas. That alone can trigger omegas into trying to find a partner to bond with. But, you also didn’t have a gland. The gland is everything. Your… I don’t even know what to call him, the _doctor_,” he says, clearly skeptical of everything including his title, “harmed you on purpose. He wanted to induce that nymphomania Steve. It’s not like you chose that.”

“My daddy was good to me, I know you don’t like—”

“No. I’m not doing this anymore,” Bucky says, roughly. He takes a step away and Steve reaches for him. Bucky comes back, pulls him into a hug. His voice is gentler, “Sorry, baby. Stevie, I don’t quite understand what the concept of daddy means to you, but I’m not like him and I won’t be like him. You call me daddy and I don’t know what to do with that. And I don’t know what you want or expect from me.”

Bucky came back. He started to move away from Steve and stopped himself. Hell, he apologized, like he understands that it’s hard for an omega to have their alpha upset with them. His old daddy hadn’t. He’d sneered at Steve if he wanted affection. Affection was a prelude to sex or a reward for doing something he didn’t want to.

“I know you’re not like him. Everything you do is different. I know you don’t like what he did and…. I don’t know. I just… I want to give you everything. Whatever you want from me, I’ll give it to you. It’s a bargain. It’s fair. I trust you and give you everything and you… you take care of me. Be sweet to me.”

“He wasn’t always sweet to you. You may have been a very good boy, but he was an awful fucking father who didn’t deserve you. And if he wasn’t dead, I’d kill him myself.”

Steve kisses him, needing him to stop. “You’re better than him in every respect. You’re not the same. The idea of having a daddy and getting to be a good boy for someone is what I have always wanted. He doesn’t fit that now. I’m sorry I spent all that time calling him that… you don’t have to be my daddy,” he says, but he starts crying. He understands where Bucky is coming from but he can’t help but feel like he’s being punished. He’s losing something important.

Bucky just holds him. “Steve, I don’t know. Maybe I’m stuck on something I shouldn’t be. Making a big deal out of this when it isn’t. You’re not the first person I’ve called sweetheart or baby but I know you’re going to be the last.”

If Bucky thought that was going to stop the crying then he was very wrong. “So, maybe you’re right. I just don’t want to be like your past. You call me daddy and it makes me feel… possessive of you. It definitely feels right and I don’t want to share it with someone who hurt you. Does he even have a name?”

“Mark Smith.”

“Then let’s try to call him Mark or even Dr. Smith if you have to. Although I very much doubt he’d ever qualify to be a doctor now.”

He bites the inside of his cheek so he doesn’t laugh at how irritated Bucky sounds. “I can do that. And, I’d like you to be my last daddy too.”

***

Bucky leans in to kiss him again and Steve thinks they’re finally going to be getting somewhere when Bucky stops.

“You know that’s a big deal right? If you’re my last and I’m your last, that means we’ve decided to be together forever. It’s a lot.”

“I know. Do you know?” Steve asks.

Bucky scoffs. “I came back here and I moved shit over in my closet to give you space. I’ve crammed everything into three drawers, that now won’t close, so you could have half. There’s fast and then there’s _this_. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. There’s so much we don’t know about each other,” he says, cheeks going a little pink again. “I had to google what your middle name was today. That’s weird.”

“What’s your middle name?” Steve asks.

“Buchanan.”

Steve shrugs. They can come back to that. “I have many thoughts on that speech. Most importantly, you should take back a drawer, because I only have four pairs of socks and underwear.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. Steve touches Bucky’s face, an overwhelming sense of rightness coming over him. “But, I _want _the drawer. And you can take some closet space back too. Also, my middle name is Marvin.”

“What?!” Bucky asks, genuinely shocked.

“What did the computer say?”

“Grant.”

“No, it’s Steven _Marvin_ Rogers.” The look of comical confusion on Bucky’s face is enough to make him break with laughter. Bucky growls at him, buries his face in Steve’s neck, rubbing his nose against his skin. 

“You’re a fucking menace.”

“True. Now I’m your menace. Also, I found Dr. Shaw and she said whenever I felt ready we could try,” he says, petting a hand down Bucky’s chest. He pauses at Bucky’s nipple, wondering how sensitive he is there. They get hard under his touch but it doesn’t make him _do _anything.

“Bullshit.”

“That’s basically what she said,” Steve says, annoyed. He pinches Bucky’s nipple.

“Ow.” He bats Steve’s hand away. “Steve. Even becoming an omega again, the sex might not be possible.”

“I don’t want to hear it. I know. You’re so fucking _big_. I have to be _safe_. The _barb_ I’m not sure even exists. Blah blah. You’re gonna make me feel like you don’t even want me.”

“I want you,” he says, pressing his cock against Steve. That giant thing he doesn’t get.

It’s so stupid, but it doesn’t really feel like Bucky wants him. No one has ever been concerned for him. They’ve cared about their own lust. Steve was expected to be in it or catch up. “I don’t know what to do with all this softness. And that’s… that’s part of being a daddy, too.”

“What is?” he asks, pushing Steve’s jaw up so they’re making eye contact. Steve jerks his head away. Stares at the wall. “Making me feel it. Feel you and what you want. I want to prove myself to you. I want you to hurt me and overwhelm me. You’re _daddy_. Daddy is everything. And that’s not Mark bullshit, that’s what gets me off and makes me come.”

“Why can’t you look at me?”

“Because you’ll be disappointed. I don’t want to see that. You need to know, but I don’t like making you unhappy.”

“You’re not making me unhappy. I think there’s a fine line between good hurt and bad hurt. I can use you, be selfish with you, but that’s different than hurting you.”

He has to blink through the tears. “You’re so naive. I don’t understand how you can be so… sheltered. I don’t know if it’s generational or because you didn’t grow up in a war, but it’s almost like we don’t speak the same language or something.”

“Well, we’re gonna work it out.” Bucky leans in, licks up Steve’s neck. “I want to come. I’ve been thinking about you all day and missing you and I’ve been hard for hours. So, you don’t want me to worry about you, fine. I’ll be selfish with you. Now how about you use that pretty mouth to make me feel good instead of arguing?”

Oh. “Yes, daddy,” he says, kissing him. Bucky shoves a hand down the back of Steve’s pants, pressing against his hole. He’s wet and empty.

“Make it good for me if you want me to open you up, babydoll.”

He drags Bucky to the bedroom. Bucky strips off his clothes, watches while Steve does the same. He lays back on the bed, comfortable. His cock is hard and leaking at the tip. He strokes along it firmly, getting a big bead of come to well out of the slit. 

“Fuck, everything you do makes me leak. I’d forgotten how wet everything is as an omega.” Steve dives onto Bucky’s cock, goes straight down on it, the head bumping deep into his throat. His lips bump Bucky’s hand, where he’s made a ring to stop Steve from going too deep. He groans in frustration.

“I want the knot.”

“Then figure it out.”

He goes back to sucking, many years as a cocksucker the only reason he doesn’t ask more questions. If in doubt, suck. Half the time johns don’t know what they want, anyway.

Although, here his problem is the opposite. Bucky always knows just what he wants. His lips bump Bucky’s hand again, not reaching the knot. He snakes his tongue between the webbing, like he might go under the hand, which doesn’t work.

Bucky lifts his hand away but puts a hand in Steve’s hair, pulling him off his cock. He touches the bulge of his knot with his other hand, fingers brushing over it. “Lips here. Tongue here.”

He tongues at the knot instead of the head, sucks at it but it’s awkward. He turns his head, taking it from the side, opening wide so he can get all of that bulge into his mouth.“That’s it. Clever boy.”

Steve clenches, wishing he had something in his ass. He is a clever boy. He can be. Bucky swears, thrusts, cock sliding along the side of Steve’s mouth. “Steve. Don’t stop, baby.”

Steve tries to open wider, press closer, sucking as much of it into his mouth as he can while Bucky pants and thrusts in a slow slide. Then it’s faster and Bucky’s cock gets impossibly harder as he prepares to come. 

“Stevie,” he growls, warningly. Steve gets back to the head, sucks him in just in time to get the first spurt. He swallows it all down, moaning happily. Pleased and relieved. He looks up at Bucky, his cock still just as hard as it was. Bucky drags him off, hand in Steve’s hair as he guides him back to the knot. “Keep going. You’ll swallow the next load, too.”

“Yes, sir,” he says, breathless.

God, Bucky’s voice is gravel. His pupils are blown wide, cheeks flushed, cock so big and hard. He’s far gone in his lust, using Steve and Steve sucks and mouths, whimpers. His fingers find their way back to his own hole, sinking in, reveling in how sloppy and open he’s getting, two fingers just sliding in through his slick.

“Steve,” Bucky warns and Steve gets back to the head, swallows again, cock in his throat, endless spurts of come filling him up. It’s just about as much as the time before. Steve licks his lips, sways. Bucky wraps his hand around his cock, strokes up from the base, touches the knot.

“Get back on it, baby.”

“Oh god, daddy,” he manages and devotes himself to his daddy’s knot again. It takes longer for his daddy to come this time. More thrusting against his lips, so close to having that cock in his mouth but not. It’s frustrating to not be filled. But, his daddy loves it. He thinks his daddy might do this all day. Rubbing his knot in Steve’s mouth, fucking Steve’s face so selfishly. Steve’s throat is empty. His ass is empty.

“Get it, Steve,” he grunts, hands in Steve’s hair, dragging him back to the head and then he’s coming, jamming his cock into Steve’s mouth as he spurts over and over, down his throat. Some of it escapes, drips down his chin and Bucky swipes it up, presses it into Steve’s mouth.

“You’re not done,” he growls, and Steve looks up at him, almost imploring, so close to just begging for… something. He should be choked and gagged, he should _cry_ on his daddy’s giant cock. That’s what’s supposed to happen.

It’s not what Bucky wants. The only reason Bucky has let himself go this much is because he won’t hurt Steve in this position. Bucky is rubbing hard at his sack and under the knot, encouraging another load, staring at Steve’s mouth and Steve goes back down again, sucks and Bucky shivers.

Steve uses his tongue, flicking and pressing, lips getting numb and wanting a break. “Jesus, that’s so fucking good, Steve. Thank you, sweetheart. Good boy. Milking my knot. _Fuck._ Swallow, Steve,” he grits out, and Steve takes him back in his mouth, swallowing again and again.

Steve touches his stomach, sure he should be able to see just how much his daddy gave him. He likes the idea of bulging with it. Bucky is still in Steve’s mouth. Finally exhausted.

Steve stays on the cock, lips bumping his daddy’s hand, using the opportunity to get his throat full of cock while his daddy is recovering.

“Hey,” Bucky says, looking down at him. “That was really good for me. I needed that. How are you?” Bucky pulls Steve off his cock, touches the the sides of Steve’s mouth where he feels chafed and sore from Bucky’s knot sliding over it again and again.

“I’m good.”

Bucky’s cock is still hard. Still flushed and dark. The knot is shiny with spit, slightly swollen from all the attention. “Can you do that again or are you done?”

“I can do it again, daddy.”

“Good. Good boy,” he says, taking Steve at his word.Steve goes back to the side of Bucky’s cock, mouth open, jaw aching in protest at how wide he has to go to get the knot in the way Bucky liked. “Yeah, suck it, sweetheart.”

Steve licks and sucks, Bucky staring down at him, feral and pleased to use him this way. Bucky reaches a hand down, starts working his balls, encouraging ever more alpha come. Bucky would go soft if Steve stopped. Bucky’s preventing that, being greedy and using Steve hard.

But, it isn’t in a way that he’s used to. There’s no pain that’s going to make him come or almost pass out. There’s no begging for Bucky to stop or fear that he won’t be able to endure. He isn’t sure why it’s so difficult, why he might cry and why he feels small and needy. This is easy.

No one’s made him work their knot like this before. Is it just the novelty of it? That he hasn’t done this particular act before? He used to work alpha’s knots from the inside. They’d rub in him, over his rim and against the spongy bit, but not this. Why does Bucky think this is him being selfish? Why is he on the verge of fucking tears, just from this?

Or is it that it’s with this person that he’s struggling with? This is what Bucky wants and it’s hard in a quiet way. But, still difficult to endure and keep doing. He can feel it wearing him down emotionally instead of physically.

“Come here,” Bucky gasps, and Steve moves, follows direction so he’s laying down. “You get two options, my good boy. You can suck on my knot some more or you let me kiss you and finger you. What do you want?”

“That’s not fair.”

“What do you mean?”

Stupid tears. “Suck on your knot,” he says, because he’s good and he does what daddy wants.

“Oh, sweetheart. I’d like you to be selfish, too.”

“I can’t do that. That’s not… I want your knot.”

“Well, you don’t get it anymore. Right now you get kisses.”

“Sir?”He loves Bucky’s mouth. Loves the kisses that only Bucky gives him. Loves when his mouth tastes like come and Bucky doesn’t think that makes him used up.

Bucky lowers himself on top of Steve, kisses him on the lips and licks away his tears. He gives Steve all the kisses he likes, treats it as if it’s the most important thing, just as important as sucking on Bucky’s knot, and it makes Steve weak inside.

He’s a bubble of emotion and if Bucky isn’t careful he’ll just pop. “Please, can I come?” he asks, and he clears his throat because he sounds very small and lost and that isn’t who he is.

“Yes, baby. Come on my fingers.”

He nods, lets it happen, the stroking and rubbing, whimpering into it and giving himself over to what feels best for him, Bucky’s hand moving between his legs, inside him. He comes hard but Bucky doesn’t stop.

“Sir?”

“Again, baby.” He holds onto Bucky, lets it happen. And then Bucky is holding him tight. He holds him even after Steve cries, and he holds him in the shower and through dinner. He holds him while they watch tv and even when they go back to bed.

He replays the night over and over in his mind. His whole life goes around and around as he lays next to Bucky in the dark. What if… what if Bucky wasn’t naive? What if Steve was the one who had no idea about what sex could be?

He presses into Bucky’s chest, tucking his head near his armpit, wanting more of him. His scent, his body, his come. He doesn’t ever want to be anywhere else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to write some smut with a barbed penis. why is that too much to ask for? I explicitly said this was all for kinky goodness and we would not be dealing with Steve's trauma. 
> 
> And yet. What i had before was sex without the baggage and it felt weirdly exploitive. this is a harder needle to thread than i thought it would be and the sex scene has been rewritten and has hopefully benefitted from all the tinkering.


	11. Chapter 11

“What if all I do is cry?” It’s five in the morning and Steve got a few hours sleep before he woke up again, heart racing and eyes damp.

Bucky is behind him, warm and muscled. All night long he’s kept Steve close, the slightest movement enough to get him hauled back against his body. And every time Steve feels such a deep sense of gratitude and peace.

“You won’t. Of course you won’t. But, you’ve been through a lot. And look, even if you don’t want to include your pre-serum life in the basket of trauma you’re carrying around, you still have all the crap you saw during the war. You have the plane and dying, the coming back to life and being radically different than you were. And there’s so much more. It would be weird if you weren’t crying. God, that doesn’t even take into account that your whole fucking gender is changing!”

“That’s true.”

“Everything you’ve been through would bring down anyone else. I will help you as much as I can. Be here and love you but there’s a lot you need to deal with that I can’t help you with even though I want to.”

“What do I do?”

“I think you should call the therapist Dr. Shaw recommended. If you don’t like them then we’ll find someone else.”

“Will you think badly of me if I go?”

“No. I’ll be proud of you. I would be worried if you didn’t start seeing someone. Sweetheart, I think I have to insist that you do.”

“Insist?”

“Yeah. I’m your alpha, aren’t I?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then you’ll do this for you and you can also be certain that it’s making me happy with you.”

Steve turns over into his arms. “Can I….”

“What, good boy?”

“I’m really wet. It aches, like I really need you inside me. Can I touch myself?”

“Do you want me to touch you?”

“Yes, but, maybe you’re tired.”

“Let’s hope I’m never that tired.”

“Can I present, daddy?” he starts getting up on his hands and knees, assuming the position. He sighs into it, loves the stretch in his back, the cool air on his swollen skin. Slick trickles down his perineum.

Bucky sits up, clicks on the light and moves behind Steve, looking at his hole. “Hurry. God, I’m so empty I swear.”

Two fingers through the leaking slick and one sinks into him easy. He doesn’t hesitate, pressing two in. Bucky drags in a breath. “Steve, did you touch yourself back here while I was asleep?”

“No. Why?”

“Fuck. So pretty, Steve. You look different. Ripe and wanting. And so wet, baby.” And then there are three fingers sinking into him with ease. He spreads his legs wider and moans. “More.”

“Tell me if it’s too much.” And then there’s four. He presses back, needing them deeper. Bucky rubs his gland, stroking up the length of it instead of prodding it, he’s so much more open now and it’s easy. Steve opens his mouth, can’t decide if he’s going to scream or beg.

“Yeah, oh, _again_. Please, please daddy.” Bucky murmurs to him, fingers over the gland, a steady slipping and gliding, that desperately makes him need to come.

“Sweetheart, you’re not even clenching now. My fingers are in you and you’re not resisting or trying to fight me.”

“Daddy,” he sobs, able to feel the difference in all of him, receptive and needing to be filled.

Bucky presses him to the bed, rolling him over to kiss him, fingers finding their way deep inside again. He rocks into them, fucking Bucky’s hand, can feel himself loosening up further. “Please, please try. God, you have to fuck me.”

“Stevie. Four fingers is not even close to my cock. ” 

He reaches for Bucky’s cock, desperate to get a hand on him, feed it into his body. Bucky presses him back to the bed, slick covered hand on Steve’s wrist as he presses him back.

“Sweetheart. Calm down. Breathe. You’re okay.” Bucky’s wrong. Where does he get off telling Steve to calm down? There’s a solution to this, Bucky needs to breed him. Just pin him down and fuck him. He can take it. He’s positive.

“What? I’m _fine_.”

“Slow down.”

“No.”

“I want you to slow down,” Bucky growls. 

“Then you need to fucking make me. Get that big old cock into me and make me.”

“Steve. No.” He gets out of the bed, pulls something out from under the bed. Steve is curious but he’s also willing to wait. He’s vibrating with energy. He’s pulsing heat and slick.

“I feel frenzied. I can’t do calm right now. I’m sorry. I want to but I can’t. If you fuck me it’ll settle me down and… that’s what a good daddy would do.” 

Bucky gives him a dark look. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah, really,” he says, annoyed and aroused to hell.

“You’re not open yet.”

“You said yourself that I’m not clenching, four fingers went in easy, there’s elasticity, it might be a struggle but the first couple of times after breaking are always challenging. There’s satisfaction and pleasure in that, too,” he says, very reasonably.

“Breaking?” Bucky asks, unmoving, watching Steve.

“I mean… it’s kind of new again, maybe? All the things I did, the dirtiness or whatever, that’s… it’s almost like it happened to someone else. And now we’re together. I’m becoming an omega for you, just you,” he says, and has to look down because the emotional connection is too much. Too vulnerable. “So you get to take that from me. Daddies break in their boys.”

Bucky shakes his head. “If you think that’s how I’m going to deal with you then you are very sadly mistaken. You are my omega, we do get to have something new together but I’m your daddy. You’ll take what I give you and that’s it. And you’re not ready for my cock yet. End of story. Come here, let’s get something in that greedy hole and get you calmed down.”

Steve crawls to him. “Daddy?” he begs, and presses into his cock, sucks gently on the bulge of his knot. “Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad. Show daddy how good you can be,” he says and he’s got a dildo in his hand. It’s beta sized and Steve is instantly rather dismissive of it.

“It’s gonna fall out.”

“That’s big talk. Ass up like a good boy.”

He presses a kiss to Bucky’s knot, feels the responding pulse of desire and turns. Bucky presses the cock into him, and it’s good for the first two thrusts, even as he gets it in and deeply seated. His walls clench on it, testing and getting used to it. “Good, Steve. Fuck it.”

It’s an exercise in frustration. He fucks it a little, bouncing on it, trying to slam it into his gland and it reminds him of the whorehouse when he’d get a beta who wanted to pretend he was a big boy. Bucky stops him. There’s something else happening and he can hear the clink of metal which is definitely intriguing.

Bucky reaches under him, puts his cock and balls through a soft leather opening so they’re exposed and pulls the hanging bit up between his cheeks, resting it on his lower back. There’s a belt that comes next, around his waist and it connects to the strap, securing the dildo inside him. “Daddy?” he whispers, instantly slumping a little. There’s a gush of slick sliding down his thighs as his daddy prepares him. It’s enough that Bucky has a plan, is using Steve and has something he wants from him to get him into a soft, submissive headspace.

“Work the cock I gave you. Squeeze it and relax Steve. If you want my cock you’re gonna have to train up for it.”

He drops his head to the bed, hands outstretched in front of him as he works the cock inside of himself. “Touch me?”

His daddy fiddles with the dildo and it starts buzzing. “Oh god, I’m going to come.” Bucky chuckles and puts a towel under him. An extra absorbent omega towel.

“Good boy,” Bucky says, reaching between Steve’s legs. He plays with Steve’s balls and then presses into the dildo, vibrating all inside him and against his gland. He groans and comes, watches the come spill out of him in fast pulses. His hips twitch, thrusting forward and Bucky tells him how good he’s being.

“Daddy, fuck, I’m gonna come again.”

“Good. Go ahead. Whenever you need to.” He takes a few breaths, stares at his own hard cock, purple with arousal, furious at the lack of touch, a bead of come oozes from him, drips in steady strands as he gets churned up inside. He comes with a groan, the relief intense.

The buzzing doesn’t stop and his hips twitch, his balls ache and there’s a muted hint of overstimulation. It’s on the horizon. One more, maybe two and it will start becoming an issue.

“Turn, baby. Arms around my neck,” and Steve goes willingly but carefully, the vibrations intense. His daddy’s arms are open and he gets gathered up into them, surrounded by his daddy’s warmth and strength. He comes again, pressing his cock into his daddy’s stomach, grinding and rubbing.

“Good boy.” Almost instantly that’s too much, the stimulation of his cock unpleasant. Where his knot is really doesn’t like the pressure. He touches it, pressing into the flesh trying to find any hint of the knot.

“I know it’s happening. Becoming an omega again. Don’t think I have a knot anymore.”

“I talked to the doctor yesterday and this is the best way to get you there. Empty that gland, make you go down until you submit, surrender to me. Since I’m too big for your little hole still, this will do. Just a day or two. Then we’ll try.”

He shivers, kisses Bucky’s neck, touches him all over. “I just want your cock, daddy.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

“Do you… do you even want me to have it?” Maybe he’s not good enough for it. Maybe his hole is all used up and not good and that’s why he has a thing inside him instead of daddy.He clings, muscle tensing as he comes again. His hips jerk, it hurts and he whimpers.

“Milk it, Steve. That’s how you get past the overstimulation. Lean into it, give in. Milk the cock, welcome it.”

“Please, can I suck your knot like before? I want to be close to you, make you feel good while I do this.”

“Of course you can,” his daddy says, kissing Steve’s mouth first. “And you get on my cock and swallow when I tell you.”

“Yes, daddy.” His daddy lays down on the bed, hand on his cock, under the knot, stroking it with his thumb. “Don’t be easy on me. I want to cry and really submit. Surrender.”

“Can you tell me if it’s really too much? Maybe say red?”

“Yes, daddy.”

“ Okay then. Come over here. Not between my legs. On the side,” he says, patting the right side of the bed. Steve gets into position and takes the knot into his mouth. The positioning is better, means he can get it in easier. And his daddy can touch his ass, which he does, lazy strokes over his bottom, fingers bumping the dildo which presses it into his gland and makes him tremble. He smacks Steve gently, idly on the ass, as Steve sucks on the knot.

“You’re so good at that, baby. You make me come so easy. Go ahead and get ready, Steve. God, my balls are so full for you. Don’t spill a drop now,” he says, and he fucks up into Steve’s mouth a few times, into his throat and comes with a low groan.

Steve swallows it all and goes back to the knot, trembling on the edge of another orgasm. He mouths at the hot bulge, Bucky grinds into him and Steve comes, mouth going slack as he rides it out.

“Daddy. Daddy.”

“Milk it, Steve. Squeeze inside.”

He shakes his head. “Can’t. Oh, daddy I can’t.” He turns his face to Bucky, his daddy hazy through tears and Bucky grabs Steve by the hair, feeds his own cock into Steve’s mouth and comes copiously.

He’s overwhelmed by the buzzing agony of his own overstimulation and the come pools in his mouth, some of it spills onto Bucky’s stomach and Bucky’s hand stays in his hair, keeping him there until he swallows and is ready to pull off. He’s able to lick it all up, get what he missed.

His daddy’s voice is all fucked out. “You’re doing so good. I know it’s difficult. You got it all in the end. That’s good enough. I’m happy with you, baby.”

“Daddy,” he gasps, just as Bucky moves him back to his knot and Steve starts sucking again. His hole aches and burns. He’s so swollen inside and he’s pouring with slick. He feels like a bitch in heat, like he’s so open and empty and the only thing that can make him better is Bucky’s cock. He starts to weep, just a little, soothes himself with the knot in his mouth and Bucky’s hand in his hair but he needs to be covered so he doesn’t fly apart.

“Daddy, pin me down. Please.” Bucky moves fast. He presses Steve into the bed, weighs his body down with his own, clamps onto Steve’s neck, fingers threading through Steve’s and squeezing.

He’s falling apart, shaking and sobbing as his daddy lets the thing in his hole work. “Please?”

“Come and it will stop. Just come.”

“Yes… yes, _oh god_, sir. Can I come, sir?”

“Yes, come now.” His daddy orders and Steve comes, weak and too much.

“Oh, fuck, thank you,” he whimpers and he surrenders, gives in, goes completely limp. “Good boy. What do you give daddy?”

“Everything.” He milks the cock in his hole but his muscles are too weak. He’s weak. “Don’t think I can clench, daddy.”

“Poor baby. Let’s see.” He undoes the straps, stops the vibrations, takes the dildo out, and looks at Steve’s hole. 

“Oh, sweetheart. It’s so pretty. The rim is so puffy.” Fingers press into him, hooking the loose rim. “You’re a furnace inside.” Bucky touches gently, where he’s shiny inside.

“Am I gaping daddy?”

“Do you feel like you are?”

He nods. He remembers the feeling. Something presses into him. The head of his daddy’s cock. “Yes, please. Oh, please,” he gasps. “Just the head? To see if it fits?” If Bucky knew how much he needed it, he wouldn’t deny him.

“Hush. Easy. You’re so open, baby. We can try. Just a little. I’m just… oh fuck, _Steve,_ you tell me if I need to stop. _Tell me_,” his daddy is trembling behind him. “Promise, Steve.”

“I swear, daddy.” The head is in and he’s pressing a little bit more, starting to thrust gently, working his way inside. Steve lays there, quiet, accepting, terrified of scaring his daddy away. He doesn’t want Bucky to stop. Bucky groans, the knot bumps Steve’s rim.

“Steve. Tell me to… _shit_, baby. God, I don’t want to stop. But, we can, sweetheart. We can. Always. Whatever you need.”

“Please, don’t stop.” There’s something oddly heartbreaking about Bucky’s tentativeness. “It’s good, daddy. I like it. Please fill me up with that knot. Need your knot. I need it to feel good, daddy.” One little thrust and it will be in. “I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt, daddy. I swear.”

Bucky is still, undecided, breathing uneven, hand palming at Steve’s hip like he’s stopping himself from thrusting forward and pulling Steve back onto his cock. There’s a press, careful, as Bucky tries to ease the knot in without thrusting. Without losing control. Fuck that. “Daddy,” he says, soft and submissive, “I need you.”

“Fuck, Steve. You’re so fucking wet and pretty back here. You look sore, baby.”

“I’m not sore. I promise.” Bucky fucks him, hand still keeping his knot out, avoiding the temptation, fucking Steve with the first half of his monster cock. It’s giant and so good. “Need it deep, daddy.”

“Fuck. Steve. Let me… let me get a condom,” he says, in a rush. Like saying it was the hardest part. Steve wants to howl in rage. He wants the come and the barb. He wants all of it. And, somehow, there is some part of Steve that is still vaguely intelligent enough to helpfully remind himself that Bucky isn’t like other alphas.

Bucky will end this encounter if he thinks Steve is in danger. His daddy isn’t like any other man he’s been with. Steve is more important than getting off or the feel of Steve on his cock and therefore must be eased into this with patience and a certain amount of cunning.

Steve needs to be determined. The goal is everything and emotion and physical need cannot overwhelm him.

Steve had been shot, deep behind enemy lines, in the ardennes forest. Well, first there’d been an explosion and everyone else had died, and _then_ Steve had been shot and he can still remember that horrible moment where he realized he wasn’t going to die, and the cunts who’d done this to the men he’d been protecting were making their escape and he’d picked himself up and he’d found them all and killed them, even though he’d wanted to lay down and die.Sometimes, the goal is everything. All else must be subsumed.

And yeah, this is _exactly_ like that. He wants the barb and the hard fucking but that’s irrelevant, has to be buried in order to get the ultimate goal. “I saw them in the bathroom,” Steve says, helpfully. 

“What? Oh. No. They were expired. I got them from medical today.”

Expired? Good. How long does it take for condoms to be expired? When was the last time Bucky decided to get an omega on his dick? Even more reason not to fuck this up with your impatience, the sane part of him warns. Bucky comes back into the room. Steve can feel him staring, ass up and swollen, leaking and flushed with arousal.

This is the moment where he might lose Bucky. A moment for sanity to return to him. “Would it be better if I rode you? If it’s becoming too much I can stop you,” he asks, like they’re equals in this mission.

Bucky cuts him a look. Suspicious. Steve chuckles and sits up, gets off the bed and goes to Bucky, shoulders squared. Look how reasonable I am, his posture says. “Bucky, I just want this to happen. I will play by the rules you set, believe me,” he says, kissing him softly.

Bucky puts a hand on the back of Steve’s neck and squeezes. “Sweet boy,” he whispers, and the bravado, the resurgent hint of dominance slips away. Steve tucks in against him, has to put a hand between his legs and press up against his hole.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just… the lack of it hurts now.”

“Okay. I know. I do. I’m sorry.” Bucky gets the condom open, rolls it onto his cock while Steve watches. He makes sure the knot is in the right part of the condom, checks the gathered part beyond that. “Ribbed for my pleasure?”

“What? Oh. That’s for the extra length and the barbs.”

Steve nods and turns back to the bed so he doesn’t throw a tantrum. He has nothing to say. He needs to feel the barbs. And he doesn’t get to. He just _wants_. Is it possible an omega can be broken by wanting denial? Is that a thing?

“Please,” he begs. “Overwhelm me. Just fucking take me already. I can’t wait anymore. I just can’t.” He sobs.

Bucky kisses him, spins him back towards the bed and shoves him towards it. Steve grunts and sprawls, too tired to fight and scheme for what he wants. He’ll get what he gets. Surrender, he thinks. Bucky presses the head into Steve, doesn’t hesitate, sinks in, grabs Steve’s hips, hauls him up while pressing in. And then it’s back to the knot. “You think I don’t want it? Keep your hips there. Make it easy for me, baby.”

Oh. “Yes, sir.” Bucky reaches under him, grabs Steve’s tits, pinching at his nipples, a sweet misery. He gushes slick, his cock gets hard as he presses into Bucky’s hands. And then Bucky is nosing at his neck. “You stay. Right here. Yeah? Take daddy’s knot like a good boy. My good boy.”

He thrusts hard and deep, forcing the knot in. Steve shouts, spasms inside, comes and slumps down. But Bucky is in him and hard and even though his legs give out, Bucky doesn’t move, his body sagging pulls tight at the rim and Steve whimpers.

“I came. Daddy.”

“Course you did. I’m not in yet, sweetheart. A few more inches.”

“Oh, oh, I can. I_ can_.” Steve has no idea if that’s true. He’s so fucking massive and deep inside Steve that he can’t hardly breathe.

“I know. Baby. You can and you will. Won’t you? For daddy?”

“Thank you! _Yes”._He grinds back, desperate to encourage Bucky’s dominance. Welcoming it. Bucky thrusts and it steals Steve’s breath to have him so deep. He can’t move. Doesn’t want to risk it. He’s pinned on his daddy’s cock.

“Bite me?”

Bucky sinks his teeth into Steve’s neck, an anchor point. His bladder is empty but he wets, that feeling of peeing sweeping through is abdomen. Which is… fuck, he doesn’t even know what that means.

Bucky fucks him then, an easy pace, slow and careful, small movements. It’s a lot. Enough for him to pant and groan each time Bucky goes deep, a sigh of relief when he pulls back and almost out.

“Perfect. Daddy.”

He keeps the knot inside and Steve is grateful. This is the edge of his endurance. This is what if feels like to give his daddy all he has. Anything more would be…. It won’t be good. It’ll be the bug in a hot bowl of soup. He might tear or scream and try to get away. He doesn’t ever want to try to get away from Bucky.

Have that panicked flight response like he used to. Before.If Bucky pops the knot in and out over his rim, that extra bulge stretching him it would be horrible for him. But, maybe it would feel good for Bucky? “Daddy?” he asks, so quiet that he isn’t sure Bucky will even hear him.

“What is it, angel?”

“I can… I can do _this_. But, please don’t….” He swallows hard, nausea rolls through him. He shouldn’t mention it.

“What? Stevie. You can tell me.”

He shouldn’t complain. Good sluts don’t complain. And if he complains it will be worse. When you complain then it happens worse. If he says daddy popping his knot in and out is more than he can bear, then most likely that will be the one thing Bucky can’t do without. Even if that wasn’t… fair. To Steve.

No one has ever been concerned about whether or not something was fair to Steve. Fair is the provenance of alphas. They take everything and if something is being kept back, withheld, well, it just isn’t fair to them. That’s what Steve knows and how the world works. 

But, Bucky thinks that’s wrong. Natasha thinks he’s wrong. Is he? If anyone is going to care about what’s fair and good for Steve it will be Bucky. Maybe it’s best to get it out of the way, know where he stands. Put this facade of Bucky being better and different to rest. He’s an alpha. These people in the future say stuff about what’s okay and not okay in society today, but ideals are different than reality.

Bucky is waiting for him. He doesn’t know how long he’s been laying there, thinking. Deciding. Bucky isn’t moving. He’s huge and patient inside Steve.

Best to know that it’s all a lie. Even if it’s going to hurt. “Please don’t pop in and out. Not today. _Please_.” He feels like he’s cracking open. This is him being broken all over again, but now he’s awake and aware that it’s happening. 

_Please be honest, please don’t hurt me more than I like, please be real, please want me even if there are some things I can’t do sometimes._ “Please,” he whispers, hoping everything he feels is somehow contained in that one word.

“Thank you, sweetheart. Do you wantme to stop? Tomorrow might be a little easier, baby.”

“No. Daddy, I like this. I _love_ this. Please don’t punish me by taking it away. I just don’t want _that._”

Bucky kisses his back, strokes him and holds him. “Okay. We’ll keep going. And… Steve, we’ll keep the knot in until it deflates, comes out on its own. I don’t want to hurt you. Promise.”

He lifts his head, looks back at Bucky. “You won’t punish me by stopping?”

“No. You’re my good boy. My baby who’s honest and strong. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes, daddy.”

“You tell me you like this and want this so I believe you.”

He sobs.

“You tell me you can’t handle my knot being pulled out and put back in, so we don’t do that. Promise. Promise. I _swear,_ baby.” And then he’s moving, just slight and easy, rocking into Steve, protecting him, the pleasure immense, a tide inside of him.

“Fuck, Steve. I couldn’t draw it out even if I wanted to. How do I last when you feel like this?”

Bucky comes shortly after, kissing Steve’s neck and back, telling him how good he feels around his cock. He doesn’t soften and so he rocks again, soft and careful while Steve rides through it. “I’m sorry I didn’t go soft, Steve.”

He likes it. He wants Bucky to stay in him forever. “It’s just the knot, sir.” The word rattles around in his mind. Bigger than daddy. Daddy who deals in cuddles and sweet things while Sir is more. Capable and respected. One has to be honest with a Sir. Trust them to handle all things no matter how scary or complicated. It’s earned, daddy was given.

Bucky adjusts, arms under Steve so they’re impossibly close. “You’re so good, baby. So sweet. Taking such good care of daddy. Does it feel good?”

“Perfect. Daddy. Sir.” Steve’s had a lot of sex. This is the best sex he’s ever had. It isn’t even a question. The men from the whorehouse were nothing, Mark was… he may not have been the best person. Mark may have done his best by Steve, but it was always a transaction. There was a time for Steve to arrive and a time for him to leave. There was never a chance for Steve to say no and it never would have occurred to him to go see Mark just to talk to him or hug him. Not if he wasn’t willing to get fucked or suck him off. It’s the best sex he’s ever had because he can relax and trust that Bucky genuinely wants him to feel good.

Bucky comes, sucks hickies into Steve’s neck while he waits for his knot to go down. He grips the base of the condom, eases out so slow and careful, wanting Steve to be okay, to not feel a trace of his knot on his rim. Not like the alphas who’d come in him and yank out as soon as they could. Who didn’t mind if it tugged and wasn’t quite down enough, because it wasn’t them it hurt, but Steve.

When he’s out, Bucky gets him on the bed, examines him to make sure he’s okay and then lets him sleep.

Steve wakes up to the smell of food and stumbles out to the kitchen. Bucky holds him in his arms, offers him a fried potato and he takes it happily from his fingers, pressing close to him again.

“How do you feel?”

“Very hungry.”

“I can fix that problem.”

Steve almost says I love you. “In that case, I’ll keep you around,” Steve says, instead. “Areyou going to feed me, too?”

“What? By hand?” he asks, and feeds Steve another bite of potato.

“Maybe. Consider it payment for services rendered,” he jokes. He feels Bucky stiffen and then relax. He presses a kiss to Steve’s forehead and rubs a hand down Steve’s back. “I was kidding,” Steve says. He wishes he could take it back.

“I know,” Bucky’s smile is forced.

Steve doesn’t know what to say or do now. If he should feel bad or angry or—

“I guess I didn’t make it clear, but if anyone is going to be paying someone for services rendered, you’ll be paying me,” Bucky says.

_I love you. _He chuckles and squeezes him tight. “How much and what do I get?”

“I only accept kisses… and coffee in bed. And, I’m a bit of a slut for kisses, so you get whatever you want.”

Steve thinks very seriously about saying I love you. “Thank you,” he says, instead. “For not making it a big deal.”

“You’re my good boy. I like who you are, that’s all there is to it.”

“I like you,” Steve says. He feels vaguely like an idiot.

“I like you, too.”


	12. Chapter 12

Steve is just tying his shoes when there’s a knock on the door. Bucky opens it and says hi to Nat. She says something very quietly.

“I’m sorry. It’s happening now.”

Steve’s hearing is excellent. “You’re joking. _Now?_ Nat, I can’t. I can’t go.” Bucky sounds devastated.

“This has been in the works for two years, James. If you need to pass on it, tell Fury and see what the options are, but….”

“There is no one else.” Bucky growls. And then there is a very loud thud and Steve goes out to the living room. The wall has a hole in it and there’s blood on the sheetrock. Nat is on her knees next to Bucky and Bucky is on the ground, head propped on one hand while the other is in front of him dripping blood.

“What the fuck?” Steve demands.

“James,” she says, and then something in Russian. Steve looks it up later on Google translate. He’s pretty sure the gist of what she was saying was that she’d take care of Steve. While Bucky was _gone_.

She gets ice and a hand towel and brings it back over. Bucky waves it away. “It’ll be fine by the time we go. I’ve gotta talk to Steve.”

She leaves. “What’s going on?” Steve asks, sitting beside him on the ground. He presses the ice pack to Bucky’s knuckles.

“Almost five years ago, I was captured. I was held hostage and tortured for a few weeks. I was lucky to make it out alive. They did experiments on me and it made me stronger. It’s the reason I have the barbs and that my hand will heal by the end of the day.”

“Wait. What?”

Bucky’s eyes are all shiny. “Sweetheart, I’ve been waiting for two years for the chance to capture the man who did this. It’s… it’s an undercover op and I’ll be gone at least six weeks. There’s a network. Steve, baby, I have to go. I have to do this. But, how do I leave you? I just got you.”

“Well,” he says, and his voice is pretty steady. “You’ll still have me when you get back. And I don’t want to have that between us. You can’t give up something like that for me. I’d hate myself if you did. Do what you have to do.”

Neither of them says very much over the next hour and a half before Bucky leaves. Steve keeps thinking they’ll have sex or something but he keeps finding himself in Bucky’s arms, clinging to each other like it’s the end of the world and Bucky looking at him like Steve is about to die on him. It’s all so fucking heart breaking.

Bucky goes on his mission, Steve trains with Nat for the day and then he’s standing in Bucky’s apartment staring at a wall and having no idea what the fuck he’s supposed to do with himself.

There’s a knock on the door.

“Bucky sent me with ice cream,” someone says, while he stares at the thing, trying to decide if he should open it. He opens the door. The young woman has brown hair, curly, and the same color eyes as Bucky. “Uh, I’m Becca? Bucky’s sister. He called me and said you’d be even more sad than I was that he was going to be gone for so long. I told him he was full of shit. But, you look awful. Do you like ice cream?” she asks, looking down at a grocery bag.

“Have you seen The Great British Bake Off?”

“Some day I’m going to make a really good chocolate souffle. They take practice. It’s Bucky’s favorite.”

“Well, I’ve currently got six weeks with a schedule absolutely packed with nothing so….”

She smiles at him. He thinks maybe he loves her, too. “I like you,” she says, and she comes into the apartment. After three weeks, Steve and Becca have watched a lot of cooking shows, made a lot of dessert and he’s learned a hell of a lot about Bucky and all of it makes him like Bucky even more.

Becca is 21 and she goes to NYU. She’s a beta and kind of smells like sunshine. She sends Steve texts and they buy clothes and he thinks he might be getting the hang of this future thing. Becca goes with him the very first night to help clean out his closet and the fridge and move it to Bucky’s apartment.

She just broke up with her boyfriend Dave who was apparently a controlling asshole. Bucky hated him and Becca knows he was a dick, but he was apparently great in the sack so the whole thing went on for longer than it should have. She didn’t tell Bucky that part. Steve’s pretty sure Bucky knew anyway. He’s perceptive like that.

Steve doesn’t get into fights with anyone, quickly gets the reputation of a boy scout who doesn’t even swear, if you can fucking believe it, and the whole thing is so irrelevant but vaguely amusing that Steve leaves it alone.

Bucky would be proud of him. He hasn’t heard from him. Becca sends him pictures she has on her phone. It’s a little weird that he only has pictures of the man he’s living with because someone else sent them to him.

Bucky’s been gone on a month when they let him run practice missions. The only hiccup is when they try to figure out who to pair him up with.

He’s an omega now. The differences are there but not as pronounced as they could have been. His beard seems to be growing in less thickly. There’d been a point during the war where he had quite the impressive beard, but now he gets up in the morning to shave and it almost feels smooth in some areas.

And he’s lost a lot of body hair. It’s actually rather unpleasant and he’s okay with Bucky not having to see that part of things.

He slims down a little, a bit of the bulk he’d put on towards the end of the war disappearing. His ass gets a bit cushier (Natasha whistled at him so he thinks it’s possibly even better than it was), his knot is completely gone and he’s using the vibrating dildo Bucky owns to come almost exclusively.

He misses Bucky and fantasizes about Bucky fucking him. He can get most of his hand into his hole now, nice and elastic and he knows for a fact he can take Bucky when he gets the chance.

He’d been terrified that he’d be needy like before. Constantly wanting to get fucked, maybe unable to go without it and he’d talked to Dr. Shaw about it the day Bucky left, coming up with a plan for drug treatment if Steve felt like it was necessary. It isn’t. He meets alphas and omegas all the time and he feels nothing.

By the fifth week he has a routine of therapy two times a week, meeting Becca for cooking and tv night one night and shopping or a movie on another, and usually he hangs out with Nat for an evening.

He also starts drawing again.

It’s bearable.

When he doesn’t have plans, he’s more pathetic. He comes home, puts on Bucky’s t-shirt or lays on his side of the bed and winds up touching himself and making a mess in no time. Being keyed into one person is a relief. But, it’d be better if Bucky was there.

He doesn’t even hear anything. Apparently he’s deep undercover but alive. And then Nat shows up and she turns on the news and there’s a story about a scientist that’s been assassinated and she tells him Bucky did that. And that it’s a good sign. Evil scientists are still a thing.

Fury has already promised him that he and Bucky will be assigned to each other when the mission is over. Steve needs it to be over.

***

Rumlow is on the run. Apparently he was undercover with Bucky (best not to think about the level of destruction caused when Steve found out that bit of information) and they need to extract him before he’s captured and tortured and the whole thing goes to shit.

It’s a narrow window. He’s injured and on the run, Steve and his team are going to try to capture him and the bad guys Bucky has infiltrated are also in pursuit. He’s desperate to see him.

Natasha tells him it’s damned likely Bucky won’t be there. And even if he is, the last thing Steve can do is acknowledge him at all. His scent gets completely masked for the op.

When the plane lands in London, Natasha goes her own way, telling him she’ll be in touch if shit goes south and they need to do a prisoner exchange.

Rumlow gets captured before they can get to him which means Bucky getting discovered if Rumlow breaks under interrogation is a real possibility.

If Bucky gets killed Steve doesn’t think he can go on. Natasha shows up with a hostage they’re apparently willing to trade for Rumlow. No one has asked Steve’s opinion, but if they had, he’d say the man wasn’t worth the trade of a ham sandwich.

He’s jealous. He knows that. He’d still be okay shoving him off a very tall building. He doesn’t trust him and he’s almost positive he wanted Bucky. Natasha tells him he needs to keep his shit together if he wants to be there for the exchange. Steve keeps his shit together.

When they show up at the drop zone, Rumlow is a slumped over bloody mess with a broken jaw. The sight of him being pathetic and beaten doesn’t change Steve’s mind.

There are three men around Rumlow. Two of them might be Bucky. It’s dark and it’s too far away to tell. He gets a little closer and he knows. He’s dressed in black and armed to the teeth. He’s got a mask and night goggles covering his face. He even has gloves on and combat boots. It’s impossible to see much of anything but he’s the hottest fucking thing Steve has ever seen.

Would anyone really care if he borrowed his black clad alpha, got vigorously fucked for half an hour and came back? Could they call a pause? A ceasefire of sorts?

Like fucksgiving or something. They’ll have turkey. Natasha gets out of the car with their hostage. Bucky lifts a hand, says something into an ear piece and moves several feet back, disappearing into the shadows.

Steve can barely stop himself from going after him. He’d bet a million dollars Bucky is getting out of there because he’s caught sight of Steve.

Rumlow is dragged to Steve by some asshat. Steve considers dragging Rumlow the rest of the way back to the van. Fuck. He bends down and puts Rumlow’s arm around his shoulders and hauls him to the waiting car.

It’s all fairly anti-climactic. They take Rumlow to a SHIELD hospital and Steve very quickly hears that Bucky was not only the one who found Rumlow, but the one who broke his jaw so he couldn’t talk.

Natasha comes sauntering down the hallway. “How are you?” she asks.

“I wanted to bang his brains out. Now I just want to cry.”

“You want to hit something instead?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re getting the hostage back.”

“Does that mess up Bucky’s mission?”

She shrugs. “If shit goes wrong he’ll have to cut it short. But, I don’t think it’s going to go wrong. He killed the guy he was supposed to. All this is just gravy and he’ll have enough intel for us to piece it together over the next few months if we have to. The hostage is valuable. The calculus has changed.”

Steve licks his lips. “Isn’t it more likely I’ll make it go wrong?”

She shrugs. “Don’t know. But, if the situation was reversed and Clint was out there and you didn’t take me, I’d be fucking pissed.”

“Noted.”

The hostage had a tracker. Some sort of radiation that was traceable by satellite or drone or something. Nothing that would come up on a scan. They follow a dot on the map. It leads them to the docks in East London.

“Try not to kill the hostage. Don’t kill Bucky and don’t go too easy on him either. Chuck him into the water or something so he has deniability.”

“Fuck. I’m the one who can screw this up for him. I shouldn’t go.”

She shrugs. “You can be backup.”

“Wait. Did you know I’d not want to go?”

“Yeah, but it beats sitting around waiting on Rumlow and crying into your milkshake. Besides, someone has to be here with me and I kind of hate everyone else.”

“Thanks. That’s nice,” he says, meaning it.

She rolls her eyes at him, checks her weapons and slinks away into the night. He follows the the mission on the comms, feeling more and more antsy as the minutes tick by. He knows it starts to go south when there’s a gunshot and the sound of Natasha grunting.

She doesn’t report in to say she’s okay. Steve leaves the van, sprinting towards Nat’s last location.

A man is limping, leaning heavily on a black clad bodyguard as they make their way towards a boat. It’s Bucky. Bucky is helping the limping guy.

“Kill that guy if you can,” Natasha says, panting in his ear. He looks around for her but sees nothing. Relieved as hell that she’s okay. He takes off running and gets close, throws his shield at the limping man. Bucky grabs it.

Grabs it out of the air and hurles it back at him, slamming Steve into a metal container. How did he have no idea Bucky could do that? Bucky keeps walking the man towards the ship. Steve sprints after him. Bucky turns to face him. He still has his gear on, is almost unrecognizable behind the equipment.

Bucky takes out a gun, shoots at Steve and bullets ping off his shield. It gives Bucky a chance to close in on him while the target escapes.

The boat roars to life and Steve gets kicked hard in the side Bucky on him impossibly fast. Speedy, healing, experiments. He hadn’t known. What else doesn’t he know, he thinks miserably. Bucky pulls a knife, twisting it in his hand and it slams towards Steve, scrapes down the shield.

Bucky isn’t fucking around. He’s also really fucking strong. And he fights like a dream. Like he’s all easy movement. He hears a car approaching. “It’s mine. End this,” Bucky growls, just as he pulls out another knife, a car’s headlights blinding Steve just enough that he doesn’t block the blade completely. It sinks into Steve’s shoulder.

He picks Bucky up and throws him into the water like Natasha told him to, turns and runs back to cover, unable to say a word the whole way back to the west end of London.

Bucky stabbed him in the shoulder. Bucky was so strong and cold and mean. “He did his job,” Natasha says.

“I know.”

“It’s a flesh wound.”

“I know.”

He doesn’t start sobbing until he’s back in his hotel room standing under the shower. Blood washes down the drain. He doesn’t know his sir.

Bucky hurt him.

He lays down on the bed and cries himself to sleep.

Steve isn’t sure what wakes him. He gets out of bed and moves quietly towards the living room. Bucky is standing there. His goggles are on the table. He’s unclipping the mask. He drops it gently onto the table and starts undoing the straps of his harness. Steve moves to help him, already leaking slick and his heart beating a million miles a minute.

“How long?” Steve demands, his voice wavering.

“Two hours. Three, if I’m stupid.”

Steve whimpers. His hands fumble as he tries to strip Bucky out of his clothes. His harness and jacket drop to the ground with a clinking thud. He strips off the shirt underneath. He smells like gunpowder and sweat. Steve wants to touch him everywhere.

Bucky cups his face in two cold hands. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry, baby.”

“I’m okay, Buck.”

Bucky kisses him softly on the lips and then the jaw. He kisses the bandaged wound on his shoulder. “It can come off. It’s probably pretty well healed by now.”

Bucky reaches with shaking fingers but doesn’t touch the bandage. “I’m so fucking sorry, Stevie.” There are tears in his eyes.

Steve isn’t sure what to do and he doesn’t even know why. He’s had this fantasy, the reunion, play out in his mind so many times and it was always hungry and vigorous. He’d get fucked against a wall, unable to make it to the bedroom. He’d get shoved to his knees and work Bucky’s knot, get a huge face full of pent up come.

“Oh, sweetheart. Look at you. You have no idea how fucking good you smell. I want to see and kiss every inch of you.”

“I’m… I’m not an alpha anymore,” he whispers. “Not really. There’s bits left. But most of my markers are omega now. I’m…I only use the toy now,” he whispers.

He doesn’t know how to tell Bucky he can take him now. That he’s desperate for his knot and that he can use him as hard as he wants. “Sweetheart, are you shy or are you mad?”

“Why would I be mad?” And, fuck, is he _shy_? Steve barely knows what the word means. 

“Because I’ve been gone and I hit you tonight. Fuck, Steve I _hi_t you.”

“No, you did what you had to do. I— I understand,” he says, but he starts crying. Some part of him, the part of him that thinks of Bucky as his daddy, his Sir, his safe harbor, and the one person he can trust implicitly, can’t quite believe what happened either. “It’s so stupid. It’s _fine_. I know you wouldn’t really h-hurt me.”

Bucky picks him up in his arms and Steve wraps his legs around Bucky’s waist, gets carried to the bedroom and placed on the bed. Bucky is over him, kissing him hard and possessive, nipping his skin, dropping down to suck on his nipples.

“Look at you. So fucking lovely.” He fumbles with his pants, panting, cheeks flushed. He gets his cock out, jerking himself off as he looms over Steve and gropes his chest and plays with his nipples. He comes hard, soaking Steve, rubbing it into his skin and pressing it into his mouth and then kissing him. He shoves his pants down his thighs but no further, sinks down to get Steve cock in his mouth. Steve arches up into his mouth, almost coming from the first hard suck.

“Daddy!” he gasps. Bucky growls, lunges up to him, kisses him so hard there’s teeth.

“There it is. That’s what I needed to hear. My sweet boy. Am I still your daddy?”

“Always,” he says, offering his mouth.

“I almost broke when the knife went in. Sweetheart, I thought for sure you’d block it. Baby, I’m sorry. Steve, Steve, please can I fuck you? God, I have to be in you.” He’s angling the head of his cock to Steve’s entrance as he gasps out the words, pressing into his open hole.

“Yes, sir,” he whispers, trying to pull him even closer. Bucky is practically mindless with how much he wants Steve. He isn’t sure who needs this more.

“Oh fuck. You… so _wet_, Steve. So tight. I’m going to live here when I get home, baby. Keep you on my knot, riding me and keeping me in you. I can’t do this again. I’ll fucking kill them all if this isn’t done in a week. I need you, sweetheart.”

“I missed you. Hard. Please. And I want the knot and the barb. Please, sir.”

Bucky groans, fucks hard into Steve, shoving them both up the bed. Steve shouts in pleasure, the stretch intense as Bucky drives into him. He grabs Bucky’s ass, hauling him tight and close. Bucky fucks him rough and fast, relentless and Steve feels the knot swelling, swelling. His rim pulls and sucks at the knot.

Bucky slams into him, keeps them tightly sealed together, little grinding movements that are frustrating. Bucky trembles. Shaking in restraint.

“What?” Steve asks, raw and hot inside, desperate for more.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Bucky soothes, kissing Steve’s face. “I won’t. I’ll stay here. Right here.” He sounds desperate. Like he might die. “Just this, sweetheart.”

“No, I want to feel it. Pull it out and press the knot in. I’m okay. I want it. I’m so much looser now. I want it. I’d tell you if I couldn’t take it.”

“Um, are you sure?” he asks, almost confused.

“Yeah, I want it. I promise.”

Bucky groans, pulls out. The knot stretches over his rim and pops out. He presses it back in. Steve comes as the knot pops out again, body clenching and sucking his cock back in. And then Bucky is locked inside him.

“Sweetheart. Stevie. It’s okay. I won’t move more than I have to. Promise. Oh, fuck, Steve.” He growls and his hips jam deeper. The knot is so fucking big inside him and there’s nowhere, absolutely nowhere for that monster of a cock to go inside him. It already feels like it’s in his throat. And then it’s growing. His eyes snap open. He kisses Bucky.

“Daddy?” Bucky’s growing inside him, that extra inch and there’s nowhere for it. He can’t back off the cock because the knot is locked inside him so he has to take it, has to find a way to accommodate him.

“Sir. Love it, Sir. Am I good?”

“Course you are. Just a little bigger, baby. You can do it. What a perfect boy you are.”

It’s intense and glorious. Tears spill down his cheeks. “I love you, I do.”

“I know. I feel it. I love you, too. Steve. You’re taking it so well, angel.” Bucky’s eyes close. His head goes back, neck straining. He grinds and groans in Steve and each movement feels huge. And then he feels it, the barbs, little pricks of sensation just inside his passage.

He moans. Bucky’s eyes are wide and worried for Steve.Steve comes at the first real sharp nips of pain inside him and spasms hard against them, pressing them deeper into his delicate skin. He goes limp, boneless. Surrendering completely to his sir.

“Good boy. Taking this for me. Fuck, Steve,” he gasps, coming hard. His cock jerks, the barbs press into his passage. 

The orgasm keeps Steve from letting go completely. The pain is an anchor. “Fuck, Steve.” Bucky comes again, a flood pouring into him. He bites Steve, pinning him hard to the bed and Steve drifts, safe in his sir’s arms.

“It’s sweet,” he tries to say. But he doesn’t think it makes sense. That the pain is small and large at once, perfect and exactly where he wants. It hurts and yet he feels safe.

He doesn’t know how long it goes on for. Him laying there, fucked so big and full he can’t even twitch. He keeps clenching, some animal part of him needing it, riding the pain and coming over and over again, milking the cock and using the barbs for his own pleasure.

“Good boy. So good.” He says, over and over again. Finally his cock comes free and Steve looks, can’t even see the barbs or much of the knot. Bucky’s cock is coated in slick and come. He feels it leaking out of him. “Let daddy see,” he murmurs and slips down, opening Steve carefully and checking him. “You’re really swollen. Looks sore but nothing worse than that. I swear. I swear, Steve.” His voice is shaky.

“It was good. I loved it, daddy.” Bucky’s head drops and he cries. Which is not what Steve expected.

“Are you sure? We don’t have to, Steve. You _never_ have to do it again.”

“Come here.”

Bucky moves gingerly up towards him, lays down beside Steve, close but not touching. “I loved it. I want it all the time. If I need a break I’ll say, but Bucky, I’ve never come that hard. And you were so close and with me. You pinned me down so good. It was… amazing.”

Bucky nuzzles closer to him. “No one has ever… I never expected to have someone want it, Steve. Be able to enjoy it. It’s felt like a curse.”

“Sounds like you just ran around with a bunch of pussy omegas who didn’t know their way around a cock.”

Bucky laughs.

“What?”

“The things you say. God. There I was, beginning to wonder if the foul mouthed hyper-aggressive alpha was a figment of my imagination.”

“Yes, created solely so you’d get so pissed off you’d come all over me in the showers.”

Bucky laughs. “That may have been an overreaction.”

“So damned hot, though.” He kisses Bucky for a while longer. “Oh! you won’t believe it. No one thinks I swear. Tony keeps calling me a puritan. He genuinely believes I was a virgin before you. It’s crazy. Nat can’t hardly keep a straight face sometimes. And your sister and I worked out how to make a chocolate souffle.”

“Yeah?”

“We’ll make it for you when you get back.”

“I can’t wait. But, you… you’re doing okay without me there?”

“I did function on my own before you,” he says, and Bucky’s cheeks go red.

“I know. I don’t mean it insulting or anything just… you’re my defrosted baby and I want to be with you. I feel like I’m missing lots of things. Lots of firsts.”

“Yeah. You’ve missed all the good stuff. Did you know you shouldn’t put metal in the microwave?”

“You broke my microwave?” he demands, trying to look annoyed, but he’s giving Steve such a stupidly sappy look he doesn’t believe he’s annoyed for a moment.

“Technically, it’s SHIELD’s microwave.”

“What else?”

“Honestly, things are going well and I’m fine. Looking forward to you coming home. I mean, I guess it’s a little _quiet_.” Bucky is about to kiss him.“Did you know Clint has a dog?” Steve asks, going for innocent. Hypothetical. Just making conversation. “She was pregnant. Nice dog. Did you ever want a dog?”

“I do know he has a dog that was pregnant,” he says, slowly. “Is there any chance that whatever you’re about to say has the word puppy in it?”

“No. Maybe. It could. If we have to go away on a mission Becca said she’d watch him.”

“_Him?_” 

“Maybe. Daddy,” he breathes, near his ear, hand slipping down to touch his cock. 

“You’re fucking kidding me. You can’t use all your ill gained wiles to seduce me into getting a dog.”

“I’m pretty sure I can,” he says, confidently.

Bucky grunts, thrusts into his fist. “I’m coming back in three weeks and you are not leaving our bed for days. Have Natasha help you choose a puppy. Don’t get a weird one.”

“She already did. I’ll show you a picture before you go. He’s cute. He likes shoes.”

Bucky presses his hands into his eyes. “What are the odds you now have more than one pair of shoes?”

“Very good. Your sister took me shopping. But, yeah, you need a new pair of leather loafer things.”

Bucky sighs, shoves him to his back and starts kissing down his body. “Okay.”

“Are you mad?”

“About the shoes?” He shrugs. “I’ll get more shoes. I like how happy you sound about the puppy. I like dogs. And I’m sure the therapist thinks it’s a good idea, too, right?”

“Possibly. But we don’t have to get a dog for my mental health.”

“Clint’s dog can catch a frisbee. Tell him that’s mandatory. If it can’t catch a frisbee then he’s taking it back.”

“You’re ridiculous. Oh, _that’s_ nice,” he says, pressing his hands into Bucky’s hair.

“I can’t believe it. Honey,” he says, reverently, kissing his thighs. “You’re so smooth.”

“Do you like it?”

“I like everything about you, but, yeah, I like it,” he says, fingers stroking over Steve’s balls. “Everything seems… daintier. Just a little.”

“I lost my knot. And a solid inch of length. I think my balls are smaller. They don’t fit in my hand the same way.”

“Let’s see,” he says, like it’s scientific.

“You just want to see me playing with myself.”

“I fucking do.”

Steve slides a hand down, cupping his balls. And then his cock, beginning to stroke himself carefully. Gently. “Is that how you like it now?” Bucky asks.

“Yeah, soft. For my cock and balls I like it soft. Everything is sort of hypersensitive but diffuse, I can’t really pin down where things are feeling. It’s weird.”

“Bad?”

“No. None of it’s bad. I’m very… happy, sir.”

“Am I _sir_ now? What happened to daddy?”

“It’s a promotion.”

Bucky’s head drops against Steve’s stomach. Steve can feel him smiling against his skin. “Both are good. Do I get to buy some things for you now? My pretty baby?”

“Like what?” Steve asks, suddenly blushing as he thinks about the pretty things Bucky could buy him.

“Soft panties for your smooth skin.” Bucky moves to kiss him and stops, frowning briefly. “Are you _blushing_? At the idea of _panties_?” 

“No, of course not. Why would that make me blush? That’s not a big deal at all,” he says, firmly.

“Then maybe something to support those sweet tits of yours when you’re bouncing on my cock?” Steve’s face gets hot. “Stevie. You’re blushing _everywhere_. God, you’re so fucking beautiful.”

Steve’s hand drops down to his hole, fingers slipping inside. His eyes close. He shivers. “Daddy, I’m so open and sore. Need you again.”

“Get that pussy over my lap,” he says. Steve freezes, shocked. He blushes all over, _again_.

“No more. I’m not blushing anymore. Just fuck me already.”

“Are you going to drip on me, baby girl?”

“Bucky,” he begs, weakly, burying his face in his shoulder and kissing his neck. “I can’t believe it turns me on so much. That’s stupid. Are you really going to buy me something pretty?”

“Good girls deserve pretty things so yeah, lots of pretty things. Fill up that empty drawer.”

Steve shifts on Bucky’s lap until the head of Bucky’s cock is back at his entrance again. “Sweetheart. Let me get a condom.”

“No. No. I won’t see you for three weeks.” Steve sinks down on Bucky’s cock, no idea if it’s good or bad, but his cock is leaking and slick is flooding out of him and if it could go on forever he’d die happy. It’s intense. “I’ll bring you a present. What do you want? A nice lacy bra for those sweet tits of yours?”

“They’re bigger and softer now.”

“Don’t I fucking know it.” he says, getting a hand on them.

“I want the barbs and I want your big knot in me.” He shoves Bucky back to the bed, riding him and squeezing his nipples while Bucky jerks him off slow and easy. He comes, Bucky knots him, the extra inch is massive from this angle and he has a brief moment of panic where he tries to rise.

“Easy, baby,” Bucky soothes.

Steve nods and shivers, collapses to his daddy’s chest, his arms keeping him secure. He spasms when Bucky comes and Bucky growls at him, a hand hard on the back of Steve’s neck to keep him still.

“Settle,” he orders, smacking Steve on the ass. Which makes Steve come. “Fuck, baby. Relax, here it is. You’re okay,” he whispers and Steve clings tight to his daddy as the barbs unsheath, tickling and then pressing in little pricks inside him.

“Bite me. I’ve gotta come but I’ll move. Help me. Fuck, sir!” Bucky grips Steve’s hair in a tight fist, pulls his neck to the side and bites hard into the meat of the muscle.

Steve’s body ripples and he pulses inside, rubbing over the barbs, getting lightly scratched up as he clenches and releases over and over again. And that makes him swell, his sensitive tissues reacting, increasing the sensation until it’s a hot burn of pleasure.

He drifts on the feeling, time passing as he half dozes, comes and rests, his daddy watching over him while his body processes the pain and the pleasure.

Bucky finally slips out of him and Steve wishes he had a plug so he could keep him inside. “I’ll get you one,” he whispers.

“What else did I say?” Sick at the realization that he’d been so out of it he’d said whatever he was thinking aloud.

“Don’t worry about it. But, yeah, I would _definitely_ charge more than a dollar.”

“Oh, fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Barbs!!! Finally!!! Well? What is the opinion on the barbs? Good? Bad? Unnecessary? Please let me know!
> 
> Also, there was definitely a part of me that thought about ending the fic here but I didn't. There is one more chapter after this. It's basically all smut and fluff. And more barbs. It's written but has to be gone over. it won't be long!


	13. Chapter 13

Bucky gets home on a Wednesday, one week later. He’s been hard since he got on the plane. He needs Steve. He needs to see him in their apartment, healthy and whole. He needs to see him smile, and feel how soft he gets every time Bucky kisses him. The wonder and shock on Steve’s face is something Bucky won’t ever get tired of seeing. Seeing Steve happy, that jadedness dropped from his eyes, is everything. And, he’s looking forward to meeting the puppy and seeing Steve’s dog-ternal instincts in action. 

He’d done his debrief on the plane, talking to Fury on video, and ended the call by telling Fury he wouldn’t see him or Steve for a week. Fury had grumbled but conceded easily enough.

He’s going to walk into their apartment, drag Steve into the shower with him, because he’s disgusting, and needs a shower, but can’t stand the idea of being away from Steve for even ten minutes. And then, he’s going eat him out and make him come. _Then_ he’s going to knot him. His plans don’t end there.

Steve is going to come dry, he’s going to sleep for twelve hours and then they’re going to go to brunch. His planning is interrupted as he opens the door to his apartment and smells his mother’s lasagne. Two coats are on the couch, Becca’s and his mother’s. He should have called first. Surprising Steve was apparently a bad idea, because now his family is here, and all of his depraved fantasies have to be put on hold.

A puppy with very large paws comes skidding around the corner and attacks his shoes. Yeah, that’s cute. Steve laughs and he’s pretty sure his mother is telling some horrific story about him as a baby.

Bucky picks up the puppy. It gnaws on Bucky’s fingers. He. The puppy is a he. He puts the puppy down and it scampers away, pouncing on a squeaky ball and gnawing it relentlessly. That’s pretty cute, too.

He turns the corner and fumbles for his phone, wanting a picture of Steve leaning against the counter, next to his mom, looking at a baby photo with such a stupid grin on his face. He just manages the shot. Steve looks up, shocked to see him. Becca gives him a giant hug and tells him he stinks.

“I love you, too,” he says. She’s already putting on her coat.

His mom comes over and gives him a hug, tells him to bring Steve for dinner on Sunday night and they both leave impressively quickly. Steve is still standing behind the counter. “You’re home early,” he says, licking his lips.

Bucky drops his bag and goes to him, doesn’t miss how Steve’s pupils dilate and his nipples harden. He practically sags into the counter and he makes a soft sound when Bucky kisses him. “I need to shower.”

“Yes, sir,” he murmurs, pressing a hand to Bucky’s cock.

“I need you with me,” Bucky says, pulling him along. Bucky turns the water on and strips down. Steve strips hastily, banging his elbow on the shower door. He swears. They only get out when the water runs cold, a handful of orgasms between them to take the edge off.

Steve falls asleep on his chest. His baby had looked so tired, dark circles under his eyes from how much he’d been awake and missing Bucky. He gets out from under Steve and throws on clothes, then goes to the kitchen. The puppy wakes up and trots into the kitchen after him. Bucky grabs a snack and takes the puppy out to go to the bathroom, shivering by the time he comes back upstairs.

Steve is in the kitchen making sandwiches. “He’s working it out,” Bucky says, reassuringly. Although Steve probably knows better than he does. “I was only out with him for a few minutes. We need to move, though. I don’t want a big dog without a yard.”

“Yeah, your mom is emailing real estate listings. The prices are insane.”

They eat their sandwiches and Bucky goes to his bag, pulls out a few things he bought for Steve. He sits at the table and pats his thigh. Steve scoffs. “You want to break the chair?”

“I want your sweet little ass where I can reach it. Come on now, princess.”

Steve blushes. He comes over and sits down. Tentative. Bucky takes another bite and swallows. He slides over the tissue wrapped package. Steve’s hands are shaking as he opens it. Silk. Blue to match his eyes. Panties and garters and even a bra. “What am I supposed to do with this?” Steve asks, voice trembling. Bucky puts a hand on his back, checking in, making sure that this is what he wants.

After he’d left Steve in London, he’d had a few opportunities to talk to him, a burner phone he’d found a good place to keep under a floorboard and enough trust amongst thieves and murderers that he could risk it. They’d had a number of conversations and pictures exchanged, a fair amount of them lust driven and explicit. They’d fallen into a particular fantasy a few times, Steve hinting at what he wanted, then finally willing to say because Bucky was so far away and not able to see him. Judge him. His baby does get a bit shy and sometimes ashamed and Bucky likes one but not the other. Steve has seen enough hurt in his weird life and Bucky just wants to be good to him.

Steve wishes he’d met Bucky back then. Wonders what it would have been like to have been with him then. And Steve still has this sense that he’s the depraved one, that Bucky won’t ever know the real him or maybe even respect him. He wants… he wants Bucky to pretend to be his daddy, be in the muck with him. That’s how Steve had described it. Bucky is clean, he is dirty. Part of him believes that. Words don’t reassure him. It’s complicated in the way that all things with Steve and sex are complicated.

He’s already thinking Steve will cry when they’re done tonight, and that will be alright because Steve will say Brooklyn if it’s all going wrong. So, here’s the start of what they worked out, and Steve’s reticence at the pretty garments is expected.

Basically: Steve is a sweet virgin and Bucky wants to be his daddy. Bucky will cajole him and Steve will get to protest and be treated like the good boy he really is. Bucky will go as close to the line as he can, to give Steve what he wants, and Steve already knows Bucky doesn’t know how far he can take this, but hopefully it will be okay.

He’ll do it for Steve, because he’ll do anything for Steve, and his discomfort isn’t half so important as Steve getting good experiences and reassurances that things he wants are okay to ask for. The only thing Bucky’s refused, is to give him money. It makes Bucky’s skin crawl and he can’t do it no matter how much Steve wants it. Steve had said he understood but he doesn’t. Not really. Some part of him is so tied up with that, equating it with good things that his voice was shaking when he told Bucky it was okay if they didn’t do that part. Never getting money from Bucky or having that validation…. Even though Steve doesn’t think of Bucky like he’s a john or whatever, there’s an instinct to him, some ingrained fear or need to know he’s valuable.

Bucky won’t do it. He’s not going to get a hundred dollar bill or a thousand dollar bill or something stupid and give it to Steve. He just can’t. But, he’s come up with something else. They’ll see how it goes. It’s a surprise.

“You’re supposed to wear it for me,” Bucky says, letting his hand slide up and under Steve’s shirt, to cup his breast in his hand and roll his nipple between his fingers.

Steve’s breath hitches. “I think you’ve got the wrong idea, Mr. Barnes.”

“But, they’re so pretty. And you’re so pretty. How can that be a bad thing?”

“It’s scandalous, I don’t do that. Do you… you really want me to?” he asks, burying his face in Bucky’s neck, clutching onto him. 

“I know, baby. It is a little bit scandalous. A little bit wrong. We wouldn’t tell anyone. I shouldn’t even ask it of you. Not a good girl like you. Saving yourself for marriage and all.”

“Well, that’s a bit much,” Steve mutters, quietly into his neck.

Bucky smacks him on the ass. “I thought that was what you said, why you wouldn’t let me touch you where you get all wet. I could make you feel so good, Steve. If you’d let me. I thought maybe a little present for my best girl would show you how I feel. They were very expensive.”

“How expensive?” Steve asks, the greed only half feigned.

“Three days wages. Just for you. All for you. Just hoping you’d put it on for me.”

“If I do then… that’s it?”

“Well, I want to see you in it, don’t I? And maybe touch you in it. But, just a little. I know what a sweet, chaste girl you are. I won’t do anything too… scandalous.” What a ridiculous word Steve chose. Like this is some harlequin novel or something.

“It isn’t a good idea, Mr. Barnes.” Steve puts his hand between them, it just so happens to be on Bucky’s dick.

“Well, that’s why I got you another present, too. Thought you could choose which one to wear and keep the other, two presents. I’m sure you could get a fair bit of money for it, brand new silk stockings, if you decide you’d like to sell them.”

Bucky pushes the other package towards Steve and holds onto his hips, grinds him against his hard cock, the plump cheek of his ass unbelievably perfect to rut against. “I think you could get me off just like this, you’re so pretty. So sweet. A sweet little girl. You know what a sweet little girl needs?”

Steve turns to him, eyes limpid, fingers clutching the stockings. “What?”

“A daddy. To take care of you. Make sure you stay cozy and kept. You’re the kind a guy marries.”

Steve jolts. Gives Bucky an uncertain look. Steve’s so wet that Bucky’s pants are damp where he’s sitting. His cheeks are all flushed and so Bucky stands him up, ready to move this along. “Put it on, darling. I’m getting impatient and I want to be sweet to you tonight. You think you can put me in your mouth? I know you don’t like it as well as just giving me a hand job, but a nice present like this, I think I’ll be needing your mouth,” he says, voice gruff.

“Yes, daddy.” Steve picks up the items and practically runs to the bedroom to get ready. Bucky takes a deep breath when he’s gone. He’s hard as anything, knot beginning to swell. He pulls the alpha ring out of his bag and opens his pants, gets it low on his cock and secure. He strokes himself, gets himself to grow that extra inch and even for the barbs to show. He touches them lightly, wincing and mortified at the very idea that this is part of him now. That it’s going to hurt Steve.

But, that isn’t all he feels. Sex really is complicated and there’s a pretty big part of Bucky that’s looking forward to the shock on Steve’s face when he undoes Bucky’s pants and sees that Bucky is barbed and extended and so damned big that Steve can play up being a shy virgin as much as he wants to. Steve had wanted to feel them going in, can’t stop talking about how much he likes them, occasionally a little concerned by how much Bucky doesn’t encourage him or respond with enthusiasm.

He very carefully gets his pants buttoned back up and practically waddles to the bedroom. This may have been a stupid idea. Worst case scenario, he can take the ring off, come and forget the whole thing ever happened.

Steve is in the bedroom, only the light on next to the bed, a scarf thrown over it to dim the light, and it makes everything pink tinged. He has the panties on and the bra, is sitting on the bed getting one stocking settled on his thigh. Bucky bends down and picks up the garter belt sliding it over his foot and up his leg.

He prepares the other stocking while Steve sits there, staring at him and trembling faintly. “Thank you, sir,” he whispers, outside the little farce, and Bucky kisses his thigh then pulls back. Looks him in the eyes.

“Anything you want. If I can give it to you, I will.”

Steve blinks rapidly and grabs him for a quick kiss then lets him go. Bucky gets the stocking on him and the other garter. He whistles at the sight, runs his fingers up the back of Steve’s calves, uses his palms on his thighs, presses his legs open wider.

“Look at that pretty cunt,” he says, roughly and Steve tenses. Genuinely surprised Bucky said that to him. “I’m sorry. A little dove like you shouldn’t hear such things. That’s just how much I want you, can’t help myself. God, you’re so pretty, baby. Let’s feel you a little, huh?”

He gets to his feet, pulls Steve up and shoves a hand down the back of his panties, touching his hole. Steve pretends to struggle.

“That’s too much! You said a little.”

“I know. I know,” he groans, rubbing, fingers slipping into him. “But god, look at you. So pretty and so wet. Just because you let me touch you doesn’t make you a bad girl, Steve. Your daddy is so hard, don’t you want to take care of me?”

“I do, but I _can’t_. I’m… I’m a good girl. It wouldn’t be… _right_,” he says. Steve had wanted to say fair. He knows all about Steve’s experiences with what was ‘fair’ and ‘not fair.’ “Well, it certainly isn’t right to get me all hard like this and leave me this way, now is it?”

“No, daddy. I can put my mouth on you if you really need me to,” he says, licking his lips.

“I do. But, I think it’s not going to be enough, darling. Open my pants, see what you’re going to be working with. Probably can’t even get it in your mouth. Not enough to feel good for me,” he sighs, like he’s disappointed. “And the presents I gave you, I think maybe you can do a little better than your mouth. I’ll be careful. And you’ll like it so much. Just the tip, can we do that?”

“Daddy, I can’t,” he says, as he pulls the zipper of Bucky’s pants down.

“Careful,” Bucky says, a little sharply. Steve gives him a look. Gentles his touch. Bucky helps him lower his underwear and Steve gasps.

“Oh my fucking god,” Steve says, dropping to his knees and pressing his mouth to the shaft, the knot and the barbs. He exhales on them, presses the flat of his tongue there and Bucky grabs him hard by the hair.

“Careful. Just… it’s a hell of a lot more sensitive than I thought it would be.”

Steve nods, almost frantic. “Fuck. _Fuck_, I— what the hell was I saying?”

“You can’t, because you’re a good girl.”

“You asshole,” he says, smacking Bucky on the thigh. “I can and I fucking will!”

“Damnit! Stay in character. I’m trying to debauch a virgin here. Stevie. Tell me how much you _don’t_ want it. Because you’re a good girl, saving yourself for marriage.”

Steve pouts. Genuinely sticks his lower lip out and pouts. “I don’t know if I can say it. The words just won’t come out. Just fuck me. We can do the reluctant slut later.” Steve starts to push the panties down.

Bucky makes a tsking sound. “I don’t think so. Pull those panties up and tell me you _don’t_ want it, so I can give it to you proper.”

“I hate you. Fine. I’m a good fucking girl, who has absolutely _no_ desire to feel those barbs worked into my tight, virginal cunt. Now, stick it in me,” he says, sounding furious.

“Stevie,” he says, warningly.

Steve shakes his head. “Come on. Please, _please,_ sir?” he asks, suddenly breathy and changing tack.

“None of that. Keep your seductive ‘pleases’ and ‘sirs’ to yourself. Pretty little thing like you, I know it’s a lot. Think you can’t manage it, but it’s not so big. This is just what a cock looks like.”

Steve snorts. “How stupid and naive am I supposed to be here?”

“Only as naive as you accuse me of being.”

“Ha ha. Um, fine. But, this is just so I can get fucked. Wait. Twice! I’ll keep playing along but you have to do me twice with the barbs out.”

“You don’t even know if you like it, hotshot.”

“Even if I don’t, I will. Can I say no to that instead? Fuck me once and I’ll say I don’t want it, and you make me take the barbs again?”

“No. Damn you. This is what we’re doing. One fantasy at a time. I’m invested in this. I bought stuff. I’ve got the damned cock ring on. Which, you should know, is cutting off blood flow. If you don’t start playing along, the whole thing might fall off.”

“Don’t even joke about it.” Steve takes a deep breath, gets back to his feet. He takes another peek at Bucky’s cock, adjusts his own leaking cock in the panties, the front of them soaked with pre-come, and clears his throat. “I can’t, daddy. And it wouldn’t fit.”

“It does fit. I promise. Let me show you. I’m sure you’re curious, aren’t you?”

“Yes, daddy. A little.”

“You want to touch it, don’t you?”

“Yes, daddy,” he says, more emphatically.

“And you’ve kissed it before. This is just kissing it, but with a different… body part.” Bucky isn’t overjoyed with that line, but it’s too late now.

Steve rolls his lower lip into his mouth so he doesn’t laugh. Bucky puts a hand over Steve’s mouth, knowing damned well he’s going to say something snarky. Steve kisses his hand.

“Better,” Bucky praises. 

Steve licks his hand.

“Worse.” Steve snickers.

Bucky slides his hand down, holding Steve gently by the neck. Steve presses against his hand. His cock twitches in the panties. “Be a good girl for daddy. Can you be a good little slut for me? Just once? And if you don’t like it, we won’t do it again. Look at the nice things I bought you. Would I have done that if I didn’t love you?”

“No, daddy, you wouldn’t have,” Steve says, leaning closer, finally back in the moment. “Do you mean it? Do you want me to be your slut?” Steve’s cheeks go pink. He risks a glance at Bucky. Half the time he’s with Steve, Bucky feels a sense of heartbreak and grief for what Steve has gone through. It’s hard to keep that in check sometimes, but he knows Steve doesn’t like Bucky grieving for him, that he takes it as pity, gets defensive and maybe ashamed.

His baby is so easy to read, even after all he’s endured, as wise as Steve thinks he is about the world, he’s oddly vulnerable. This is one of those moments where Steve is so easy to read, so vulnerable in how desperately he needs Bucky to understand and give him what he’s been denied for all these years, to accept him and how he thinks of himself or sex in general.

“Yes, baby. I do. More than anything. A sweet slut, that’s how you prove you’re a good girl. That’s exactly what _I_ need. All I want.”

“I can be that for you, sir.”

“Course you can,” he whispers. “And I’d be so nice to you.”

“How?” Steve’s touching himself absently through the panties.

“I’ve got something for you. But _only_ if you’re my best girl. _Only_ if you earn it.”

“Wait. Something else? Daddy what did you get me?” he asks, desperate. Steve looks around the room and Bucky would bet he’s trying to see if Bucky’s wallet is here. He’s _not_ giving Steve money.

“Panties off. Lay down on the bed. Let’s make daddy feel good for a minute and then I’ll show you what I bought you.”

“Yes, sir,”

Steve climbs onto the middle of the bed and Bucky reaches into his pocket before getting rid of his pants altogether. He lets Steve feel his weight, the head of his cock at his entrance.

“Oh, fuck,” Steve gasps, already trying to squirm back onto him. “Slow, sir. But, I want it. Please, just give it to me. Don’t stop, just make me take it. In one go,” he begs, and Bucky can feel the sucking heat of him, how Steve’s body is trying to pull him inside.

“Stay still. You’ll take what I give you like my good slut.” He puts a hand to the back of Steve’s neck, shoves him to the bed.

“Yes, just like that,” Steve gasps, and his hand goes between his legs, jerking himself off frantically. He comes with a groan. “Sorry. Sorry. Keep going.”

“What a good girl you are. See how much you like it? Just the idea of it makes you come. You’ll like it even more once you get a cock in you. Here, you lay there and let daddy use your sweet cunt, and you can have _this_,” he says, putting a ring down, a heavy gold band right next to Steve’s face on the bed.

“Bucky?” Steve whispers, and Bucky grabs Steve’ships, presses his cock into him in a long, heavy slide. He gets to the knot and pulls Steve back, working it inside him. Steve shouts, hand grabbing the ring, clenching it in his palm.

“Isn’t that good, baby? Isn’t this what you wanted from daddy?”

“Yes. Yes, I love you. It’s exactly what I want.”

“We’re not done, baby girl. You’ve got a little more to go. Easy now, this is going to hurt,” Bucky says, shaking, balls throbbing with the need to release as the barbs slip inside Steve. Steve arches up and down, panting with the agony of it all. Bucky fumbles the clasp, hasn’t quite left enough room to get the fucking ring off, and Steve is slick and wet, dripping and making it difficult to work the clasp.

He’s going to lose his god damned mind if he can’t come in Steve in the next ten seconds. The ring releases and he slams forward, seating himself inside Steve fully. Steve is clenching on him, squeezing hard on his knot and the barbs he gets so hot for.

The orgasm tears through Bucky, feels unending, as Steve moans and sobs under him, coming on his cock. When he finally slips out of Steve, Steve turns in his arms, holding onto Bucky tightly. “What does it mean? Is it mine?”

“It means I want you to marry me. It means I want you to be my good slut all the time. And that I’ll be your daddy or sir or whatever and everyone will know.”

Steve hands him the ring and holds out his hand. Bucky kisses the back of his hand first and puts the ring on his finger. “I love you, Steve.”

Steve bursts into tears. Bucky grabs the kleenex box and holds him in his arms. “I love you, too.”

“Can we do the barb thing again? I swear I thought I was going to die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over :(
> 
> I hope Bucky's POV was the right way to end it. I just thought it might be nice to have his perspective before it all wrapped up. Please drop a comment if you like this story. Also, requests are always welcome, though not necessarily followed through on. But, I'll try! 
> 
> Oh! I have two recommendations after chatting with Feiro and Panda. They're both pretty short. Dom Bucky, post mission Steve falling apart and just the tip. like, what more do you need to know? The second one has such an amazing Bucky POV and is one of my all time faves. If you want someone to yack stories with or swap recs with, I'm always around! Long Live Stucky!
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/4427987
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/6940771

**Author's Note:**

> this is not the story I thought I'd be posting. i don't know where it came from. it's like a very messed up fever dream. i don't know what's up with the barbed penis. positive and helpful comments are always welcome.


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